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The Cutest Little (Schwarzs)Child (Radius)

, , , , , , | Right | November 5, 2023

I work in a planetarium. We have a large domed room where we project space-themed movies and documentaries for guests. I’m narrating the audience through a piece about black holes.

Me: “And if an astronaut were to be unlucky enough to fall into a black hole, the forces acting on them would be so intense that they would be stretched long and thin. This is a process scientists call — and I’m not kidding here — spaghettification.”

That elicits a chuckle or two. After a few minutes, the presentation is over.

Me: “And that concludes our presentation on the mighty Black Holes! Are there any questions?”

I see an eager hand in the audience shoot straight up. It’s a little boy, maybe four years old. I point to him. He looks nervous at first, but his mother encourages him to speak out.

Boy: “What happens… if… when you go to a black hole… and… it… doesn’t like spaghetti?”

Everyone laughs and the boy looks a bit nervous again. I’m just smiling at the absolute adorableness of the question.

Me: “That’s a good question, little man! Y’see, we know that black holes must like it, because do you remember what I said about how black holes get bigger?

He thinks for a second, but then his eyes go wide.

Boy: “They eat everything up!”

Me: “That’s right! They want to eat everything on their plate! They can even eat stars, which are like big, hot meatballs!”

Boy: *Laughing* “They like meatballs and spaghetti!”

Me: “They make sure they eat up all their food, and then they get bigger. And you know what else gets bigger when it eats up all their food?”

Boy: “What?”

Me: “Little boys!”

The audience chuckled, and I answered a few more questions. As the audience left, the little boy ran up to me with his mom and asked to be in a photo with me. I felt like a famous astronaut for the rest of the day!

Stay curious, little dude!

We Need A Ten-Part Series About This Character NOW!

, , , , , , , | Right | October 31, 2023

Our store is on a main street for a relatively small town, and it’s Halloween, so the trick-or-treaters are out in force. Most of the stores are taking part, giving out candy and letting the retail staff dress up in spooky costumes. The atmosphere is relaxed and fun!

A customer comes in with a little girl, maybe six or seven. She is dressed up like a cowgirl but has a few extra additions to her costume. She is freakin’ adorable.

Little Girl: “Trick or treat!”

Me: “Oh, wow! What an amazing costume! I think we’ll have to go with treat! What are you dressed as, a cowgirl?”

The little girl pulls out her sci-fi inspired “ray gun”.

Little Girl: “I’m a space cowgirl!”

Me: “That’s awesome! Space needs plenty of cowgirls!”

She then smiles at me, revealing sharp fangs.

Little Girl: “I’m a vampire space cowgirl!”

Me: “This just gets better and better!”

The little girl takes her candy, and she’s giddy. She does a little twirl dance excitedly, and I see she has a tail sticking out from behind her. I look a little confused, and her dad picks up on it.

Little Girl’s Dad: “She’s a vampire space cowgirl that’s been genetically spliced with a cat.”

It’s then that I notice that she has whiskers in makeup on her face.

Me: “Oh, of course! It’s so obvious!”

The dad buys some items, and they both thank me as they head out.

Little Girl: “Yeah! I’m a generic splice!”

Little Girl’s Dad: “Genetic, honey. Genetic splice.”

Little Girl: “Yeaaaaah!”

Best customer interaction I’ve ever had.

A Witch With The Itch To Be As Sweet As Candy

, , , , , , , | Friendly | October 31, 2023

My friend and I are long past the acceptable age for trick-or-treating, but we live near a housing development that always goes all-out for Halloween, so we dress up and walk around admiring the elaborate decorations and costumes. Every so often, we come across an unmanned candy bowl and help ourselves to one piece each.

At one point, we end up walking behind two adults and a young girl dressed as a witch. The girl spots an unguarded bowl across the street and runs over to it, and we head in the same direction. She reaches the bowl and then turns back with a sigh.

Girl: “It’s empty, guys.”

Me: “Oh, darn.”

Friend: “Thank you for telling us.”

Girl: “You can have some of my candy!”

Me: “Oh, no, that’s okay! Thank you, though.”

Girl: “It’s fine! I have tons of it.”

She gives my friend a big handful of candy and then skips back to her parents. While my friend and I are verklempt over how freaking adorable that was, the girl runs over to another unmanned bowl and turns back to call to us.


We made out like bandits that night thanks to that sweet little girl. I hope her parents know that they’re raising her right!

A Hot Slice Of Kindness, Part 7

, , , , , | Right | October 10, 2023

I work in a pizza takeout, but we do have a small table to the side of the counter for those who want to sit and wait.

We have a regular family (a mom, a dad, and a ten-year-old boy) who come by once a month on a Friday on the dad’s payday for a treat. The family actually dines in at the table. The boy absolutely loves it, and we always make sure he gets some extra toppings since he’s always so well-behaved.

One day, we see the boy come in all by himself, which is strange.

Boy: “Hi. My mom and dad are sad today, so I thought I would get them pizza!”

Me: “Oh, that’s really nice of you.”

Boy: “I’ve been saving my allowance, and I wanted to get what we normally get?”

He hands over almost $15 in nothing but quarters.

Boy: “That’s enough for a medium, right?”

Me: *With my heart breaking* “Uh, technically, yes, but we’re having a special today. Regular customers get a free large pizza if they’ve eaten ten pizzas with us before!”

Boy: “But… but we’ve eaten way more than ten pizzas!”

Me: “I guess that means you get two! I’ll get you two large pizzas. Just wait right there!”

I called out the order to the back, and when I turned around, my heart found out it could break even more. The boy was in the process of putting ALL his quarters into the tip jar! I stopped him, told him we had enough tips already, and got him to help me with the crossword in the newspaper until his pizzas were ready. I think I got most of his quarters back to him, and he went out with the pizzas.

I found out on their next visit that the mom’s sister had just been diagnosed with a bad illness and that’s why they were sad, but she realized what I had done and tried to pay me back. I told her that raising such a fine young man was more than enough.

The sister made a full recovery, and the boy is now a fine teenager who works here at weekends and brings pizzas home to his parents every Friday! 

A Hot Slice Of Kindness, Part 6
A Hot Slice Of Kindness, Part 5
A Hot Slice Of Kindness, Part 4
A Hot Slice Of Kindness, Part 3
A Hot Slice Of Kindness, Part 2

Sometimes You Can’t “Let It Go”

, , , , , , | Right | October 6, 2023

I am working at a large store that sells everything from groceries to affordable clothes. We’re allowed a little leeway to make things right for the customer; otherwise, our managers would be doing nothing else except answering the demands of entitled customers.

A mother is at the counter buying what looks like essentials. Her young daughter has found a dress designed to resemble Elsa’s from the movie “Frozen”. She looks absolutely ecstatic as the dress approaches me on the belt for me to scan.

I scan it and it comes up as $19.99.

Customer: “Oh, I thought that was $9.99.”

I double-check the label and the scan.

Me: “It says $19.99 on this label, ma’am.”

The customer recognizes her mistake, and I see her close her eyes and count silently. I know that look; she is about to try to explain to her daughter that they can’t afford the dress. Looking at the items she is purchasing (all cheapest-brand essential items), I can tell that this woman doesn’t have a lot of disposable income.

Customer: *Turns to her daughter* “Hey, hon, I’m sorry, but Mommy can’t—”

I interrupt loudly, pulling words out of my a**

Me: “But there is a special deal today! This dress is $9.99 if you purchase it with… uh… a certain amount of other items, which you qualify for!”

The customer is staring at me, knowing exactly what I am doing. She is an exhausted mother, but she’s still very sharp.

Customer: “I can’t let you do that. You’ll get into trouble, and my daughter has learned that she can’t always get what she wants.”

Me: “Yes, but does today need to be one of those days for her to learn it?”

The customer looks at me, looks down at her adorable daughter, and looks at me again.

Customer: “Only if you’re sure, and only if you don’t get into trouble.”

Me: “Oh, absolutely sure!”

Customer: “Thank you! You have no idea…”

I finished scanning everything, and I typed in the code that said the barcode for the dress wouldn’t scan and manually typed it in as $9.99. I also threw in my staff discount for good measure. The customer noticed this, too, and was about to protest, but then I winked and just shouted out her total a little louder than I should have.

The little girl was so excited to run out with the dress, and things felt right in my soul for the rest of the day!