Google Translate: Now Includes Parseltongue

, , , , | Friendly | December 14, 2017

Little Girl: “I can talk to snakes!”

Cashier: “Oh? What do they say?”

Little Girl: *starts hissing*

Cashier: “And what does that mean?”

Little Girl: *face scrunches up* “It means—” *hisses louder*

Don’t Be Xena-Phobic

, , | Hopeless | December 14, 2017

(I’m in a convention with role playing games such as LARPs and tabletop games as its theme. There are some dressing rooms for putting on costumes, and I’m there, chatting with a couple of other people as we get into our outfits. I’m in a post-apocalyptic getup and am about to add war paint on my face, when a little girl comes in with her mother.)

Girl: *looks at me as I paint a red hand-print over a black mask painted over my eyes* “Hi! Have you been coming here for long?”

Me: *though I don’t know the girl, I’m used to people of all ages making easy chit-chat in this particular event* “About five years, so I guess not that long. How about you?”

Girl: *proudly* “I was zero years old when I first came to this con! Mom brought me.”

Me: “Cool! You’ve been doing this for a long time then.”

Girl: “What are you dressed up as?”

Me: “I’m a post-apocalyptic scavenger and an explorer. Are you going to dress up?”

Girl: *beaming and with great pride* “Yep! I’m going to be a ninja geisha!”

Me: “That’s awesome!”

(As I speak, my heart is busy melting because the girl is so excited about the whole thing, and it made me remember how I wanted to be a warrior princess when I was little. It was absolutely adorable!)


Made A Believer Out Of Her

, , , , , | Friendly | December 14, 2017

(I’m at a relative’s 60th birthday party and they are playing 60s-80s music. The Monkees’ “I’m a Believer” comes on, and a little girl near me gets really excited.)

Little Girl: “I know that song!”

(My husband and I look at each other, thinking this girl knows one of the “classics”.)

Little Girl: “It’s from Shrek!”


, , , , , , | Related | December 11, 2017

(While trying to get things settled with the lady at the desk, my three-year-old son is next to me, looking at a comments box that has five faces on it ranging from a big smile to a big frown.)

Son: “Daddy, what does this face mean?”

Me: *breaking a conversation to glance down* “What face?”

Son: “Oh! Really happy, really sad, kind of happy, kind of sad, what face!”

(He’s 17 now, and the whole family still calls the face with a straight mouth a “what face.”)

And Pop! Goes Their Patience

, , , , , | Right | December 9, 2017

(A lady comes in with a child who looks to be about eight or nine. The lady is talking on her cell phone.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

(The customer throws her ID on the counter and continues talking.)

Me: “Ma’am?”

(She gives me a dismissive wave and continues talking. Meanwhile, her daughter is eyeing my basket of lollipops, and a line is starting to form.)

Me: “Ma’am? What can I help you with?”

Customer: *to caller* “Hold on.” *to me* “$300 cash, obviously! Geez.”

Me: “And how would you—”

(She turns her back on me, and continues the conversation.)

Me: “—like that back? Great. A guessing game. How fun.”

(I process the transaction, and wait for her to finish up her call so I can count back the cash. Her daughter scoots closer to the counter.)

Child: “Excuse me, miss lady. May I please have a lollipop?”

Me: “You sure can! You can have more than one, for being so polite.”

(She smiles, selects two, and quickly puts them into her jacket pocket.)

Child: “Mom? MOM? The teller lady is all done! Can we go now?”

(The lady waves off her daughter.)

Me: “And YOU get two more lollipops for being patient! Here you go!”

Child: “Cool! Thank you!”

(The mother hung up her phone, snatched her cash off the counter, and headed out the door. The daughter was right behind her, hiding her lollipops behind her back.)

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