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Shopping Follows The Circle Of Life

, , , , | Right | October 18, 2021

We’re a popular outlet and it’s a Saturday, so it’s beyond crowded. A panicked parent has approached my manager; she’s lost her son and has given a description.

Manager: *Via headset* “All right, team, we’re looking for [Child], three years old, [description of clothes]. His mother is here and he is not accompanied by other adults!”

Doors are shut, music is turned off, and my manager climbs on a waist-level shelf and starts talking LOUD.

Manager: Attention shoppers! We’re looking for a young boy, wearing a black [Brand] shirt, blue shorts, and white [Brand] shoes, with blonde hair. Again, we’re looking for—”

Customer: “EXCUSE ME?!”

He holds up a child perfectly matching the description, “The Lion King” style.

Little Boy: “HELLO! I am looking for my mum? She is tall and blonde and has a large purse, but I am not allowed to say her name to strangers!”

Mother and son were reunited and shopping resumed. We got glowing reviews from several shoppers.


, , , | Right | September 23, 2021

I go to a small craft store inside a mall. A few minutes later, a woman comes in and tells her husband to stay outside of the store with their little kid — about five years old — because the store is too small for all of them.

I’m paying when the little kid runs inside the store and stops at the door to look around at the yarns, threads, buttons, and other things with big eyes.

Kid: *Very loudly* “Wow! This place is like Heaven for moms!”

We all had a very good laugh and agreed with him.

Papa Didn’t Even Know He Needed A Supervisor

, , , , , | Related | September 10, 2021

My wife is away for the day and only due to return late in the evening, so I collect our two-year-old son from daycare, play a bit with him, cook dinner for the both of us, and then try to bring him to bed.

Me: “Time for bed, [Son]!”

Son: “Papa also go sleep!”

Me: “Papa can’t yet. I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep, but then I have to clean the kitchen. When I made dinner, I made a mess in the kitchen and now I have to clean up before Mama comes home. Or Mama will scold me!”

Son: “Papa clean up mess now!”

Me: “It’s okay, Papa can do it later. Now sleep and I will do it then.”

Son: “Papa now! [Son] go with you!”

He led me into the kitchen and there, under the watchful eyes of one little human and two stuffed animals, I had to clean the “mess” I made in the kitchen. When the kitchen was satisfactorily clean, he insisted on me cleaning the dinner table, as well, before we could go back to bed, and there he fell asleep within minutes.

There Was Never Such A Devoted Sister

, , , , , | Related | September 5, 2021

My little sister was (and is) a sweet angel as a child who absolutely could not stand to see me unhappy. If she had something, I had to have it, as well.

Here’s a good example. We were at a carnival and someone gave us balloons. As we were walking along, mine suddenly popped. I was slightly bummed, but old enough not to start crying over it. My sister kept asking if I wanted hers, but I said that was okay. I noticed on her face that it suddenly looked like she wasn’t having fun anymore. A few moments later, she pulled her balloon down, pulled out a pencil from her little fanny pack, and popped it!

Then, on another occasion, we were on an outing, and my dad had become annoyed with my bratty behavior. He gave my sister an ice cream from a nearby stand but didn’t give me one as a punishment for my bad attitude. My sister kept asking him to give me one more chance, but he held firm. She took a few more licks of her ice cream bar and then looked like she’d suddenly lost her appetite and handed it back to him saying, “I don’t want it anymore.”

However, my fondest memory was when I carelessly stepped out into oncoming traffic. My mother yanked me back and rightfully scolded me.

Mom: “If you’re not careful, I’ll be telling people I have only one child here and the other child in Heaven!”

Sister: “No, you’ll have both kids in Heaven, because I’ll stand in front of the next car after him!”

She’s twenty-two years old as of this writing, and unsurprisingly, she is well known for her generosity and selflessness, making her primary goal in life about helping other people. I literally was too afraid to tell her I had lost my job due to the health crisis out of fear she might give me her own rent and food money!

The Power Of Cuddles!

, , , , , | Related | August 31, 2021

My older brother and I have always been pretty close. When I was four and he was eight, we were watching TV on the couch wearing our PJs. I was on my back with my legs over his lap while he was sitting on a side of the couch with the footrest out and petting my shins. Our parents entered the living room to take over the TV and watch with us until we went to bed.

Mom: “Aww, you two look so sweet!”

Our parents gushed about the scene of young sibling affection and sat down. However, something was different this time. Usually, when the parents came to relax for the evening, the kids would get kicked off the sides of the couch so our parents could sit back with the reclining seats. The kids would be relegated to sitting in the middle together or one or two of us would use the less comfortable chair; our sister was six at the time, and if she joined us, it could get crowded. This time, Mom sat in the middle after I sat up and Dad sat next to her on the other side. My brother and I were left to share the prime real estate of the other reclining seat and were much more comfortable than usual.

My brother did the math and realized that giving our parents a cute scene meant we got to stay in one of the reclining seats of the couch. The next evening, my brother made sure I was laying down with my head on his lap before our parents entered the living room. Sure enough, our parents let us keep the reclining seat for the evening again.

The third night, we messed it up. We were sitting next to each other casually, too engrossed in the TV to remember our plan until our parents came into the room. I quickly scrambled into his arms and we apparently had the most obvious expectant look on our faces.

My mom laughed and complimented us on our plan, but the gig was up and we were resigned to being moved back to the middle seat from then on.

And that is the story of how my brother and I tried to use strategic cuteness to manipulate our parents into letting us stay on the more comfortable part of the couch.