I work at an observatory. A school is visiting, and while the kids are having a great time, one of the chaperones seems like he doesn’t want to be there. I am assisting the astronomer.

Astronomer: “Now, Saturn’s rings are only a few million years old! That might seem old, but on an astronomical scale, that means they’re super young!”

Chaperone: “That’s complete horse-s***! Nothing out there is older than the Earth! God said so! ‘In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth!‘”

Astronomer: “Sir, please don’t use that language. I like to interpret that passage as saying the Heavens came first, and then the Earth. In that sense, regardless of how old you think the Earth is, the Heavens can be much, much older.”

Chaperone: “Oh, yeah?! Well, that’s what your science books tell you, but I only need one book!”

The other teachers are embarrassed and trying to shush the chaperone. Based on one extra embarrassed-looking child, he might be one of the parents.

Chaperone: “I knew this trip was a bad idea! We should take the kids back to the school.”

One of the teachers approaches the chaperone.

Teacher: “I’m not an astronomer, but I am pretty sure the world revolves around the sun, not you. Be quiet or leave.”

He was quiet, even during the part about the Big Bang happening thirteen billion years ago.

I’m working as a controller for a taxi company but am remote working from home.

Me: “Good morning! [Taxi Firm], how may I help?”

Customer: “I need a taxi; I am a regular.”

Me: “Sorry, we’re fully booked at the moment, but I can provide you one in the next forty minutes.”

Customer: “No, I need it in five minutes.”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t have any cabs available. I can’t send you one.”

Customer: “You’re lying! You have cabs available! You’re just being very unprofessional, and I will complain to the office about you not knowing how to do the work!”

They start shouting, and I continue being apologetic until my coworker takes the phone from me.

Coworker: “Nothing available! What do you want, a screenshot of our screen saying that we have nothing available?!”

Customer: *Continues shouting*

Coworker: “From now on, we won’t provide you with our services. Thank you for calling. Bye!” *Click*

Our house backs up onto this tiny wooded area right next to the river. All manner of beasts love the river, even though it’s gross and barely even a creek where we are, so we get lots of critters around our backyard.

One day, my dad tells me he wants the lawn watered and to get the hose from the back. The hose is attached to this wall that is absolutely covered in greenery, and if it weren’t on the wrong side of the house, it would camouflage the entire wall.

Just as I’m reaching for the hose, I’m attacked! A bird has nested in the bush, and it’s decided I’m bothersome. Worse: it’s a blue jay. Those guys are vicious.

Figuring it would be better to be yelled at than get pecked to death, I go back inside to tell my dad I can’t get the hose as there’s a bird protecting its nest.

He stares at me, scoffs, and goes outside himself.

Just as he’s pulling the hose from the wall and wrapping it around his arm, another attack! And this time, it’s both birds! Maybe because I’m a tiny twelve-year-old and he’s much bigger than me, they thought he was a bigger threat? Who knows!

Because his arm is wrapped up in the hose, it takes him a minute to untangle himself with that arm, while the other arm is trying to protect his head and waving the birds off at the same time. It’s almost comical: a grown man who didn’t believe his child and is now paying the penalty, dancing around a three-foot square patch of semi-parched grass, while two small blue and gray missiles defend their young and themselves against this evil invader.

He finally gets himself out of the hose and rushes back into the house after being pecked several times.

The lawn does not get watered, and he avoids me for the rest of the day.

If you know anything about New Zealand, you should know about our birds. We have multiple smart, playful, and above all, CHEEKY birds. You probably have even heard of the one I’m about to talk about, the Kea, most often known for their love of taking apart cars.

At the nearest zoo to me, they have recently added a walk-through aviary with airlocks for this mischief-maker on wings. The zoo is partnered with our conservation department, and a lot of our natives are here for breeding purposes or (the little blue penguins) because they can’t be released due to injury.

During this visit, we watch the Kea carefully tear apart some enrichment for the treats within, and we listen to the keeper talk about their habits and their intelligence — considered to be on par with a three-year-old human.

A little later on, we come to look at them again, and now they’re being weighed! It is a hilarious scene, and we are delighted to be able to watch. We all notice that the keeper is taking down the notes on a heavily padded digital tablet.

Me: “Oh, wow. That’s a big case you have on that thing.”

Keeper: “Hah, no kidding. We need it. If I put this down for a second, these guys will go for it.”

The keeper showed us a few beak-marks on the edges, chuckling.

We continued to watch as she tried to coax one of the birds out of a spot it was napping in, and, as we humans do, put the tablet down for a split second on the surface beside her thigh.

INSTANTLY, a bird on the other side of the enclosure RACED across the floor, running over my friend’s foot, in order to grab the tablet.

No destruction was to be had, thankfully, but we still laugh at how eager that Kea was to get to their desired chaos.

I work at a gas station in a pretty fancy/bougie part of town. I work with the night manager from ten at night through to six in the morning. I’m relatively new, so I’m still learning about the quirky little processes that are always unique to certain places of work.

A customer pulls up around 1:00 am.

Customer: “I want $10 of gas on tank three.”

He tries to hand me a hundred-dollar bill.

Me: “Do you have anything smaller, or a card payment? I can’t break that.”

Customer: “That’s all I got. It’s legal tender, so take it and figure it out.”

Me: “If you got a bit more gas, I could—”

Customer: “Nope, not going much further, so I don’t need you making me buy more than I need. Take my legal tender and figure it out.”

At this, my manager steps to the side and opens up a locked cupboard that has always been marked as “revenge rolls”. I’ve had yet to ask why. They begin to take out rolls of coins, adding up to $90. It’s a lot of coins, and it takes over almost all the counter between the customer and me.

Customer: “What the f*** is this?!”

Manager: “$90 change, as you’ve requested.”

Customer: “I can’t take all those f****** coins!”

Manager: “You want $10 on tank three? Take my legal tender and figure it out.”

The customer swears a little more but accepts the ridiculous amount of coins, storms out, puts $10 in his tank, and drives off.

Me: *To my manager* “Now I know why they’re called ‘revenge rolls’. Rolls of coins.”

Manager: “Yup. I save them for special customers. You wanna come in here at 1:00 am and demand change from a hundred? You f****** got it!”

My eyes catch something else in the cupboard.

Me: “You actually have some spare tens and twenties in there, too?”

Manager: “For those customers who say ‘please’.”

I may have needed the job for college, but because of that manager, I stayed a little longer in the role than I had to.