I was recently reminded of a time I nearly got myself in trouble

I was at my local zoo with the family, and as wifey went off to get us all a bite to eat, I was watching kiddo play in the playpark. A woman came up to me, and she seemed pleasant enough, and asked me:

Woman: “So… which one’s yours then?”

Me: “Dunno, haven’t decided yet.”

THANKFULLY, at that moment, the kiddo runs up and goes:

My Kid: “Daddy, did you see…”

The woman looked at me with concern, and I made a mental note to be VERY careful with my dark humour around strangers.

The family has taken a trip to the zoo. My husband is showing our kids one of the tigers while I deal with the fussy baby.

Husband: “Look, kids! It’s a Tiger!”

Kids: “Woooow!”

They’re marvelling at the Tiger, majestic even though he’s sleeping.

Husband: “I think that’s a Himalayan Tiger.”

Youngest Kid: “How can you tell?”

Husband: “Because him-a-layin right there.”

Youngest Kid: “Dad… don’t ruin Tigers.”

I work in a petting zoo and “wildlife experience” park that has a variety of animals from around the world.

Child: “Mom, what’s that?”

Mom: “That’s a deer, honey. You can tell by the ears.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, that’s a kangaroo.”

Mom: “My son is young, but he’s old enough not to believe in that stuff! You don’t have to pretend!”

Me: “Uh… what do you mean?”

Mom: “I know kangaroos are fun make-believe animals for kids, like in Winnie The Pooh, but he doesn’t need to be lied to like that.”

Me: “You think that kangaroos are… are make-believe?”

Mom: *Now sounding a little unsure.* “Well, they are!”

Me: “Ma’am, they’re very much real. That is one right there. They’re not native to the USA, but they are a real animal, and we have a few here in the zoo.”

Mom: *Shuffling her child away.* “No, no, no! They’re made up, like all the animals in Winnie The Pooh! Stop lying to children!”

As they move away to another section of the zoo, my coworker says:

Coworker: “When she gets to the donkeys, pigs, and owls, she’s going to blow her mind…”

I was covering a break at one of our zoo’s snack carts yesterday, the kind that sells soft pretzels, sodas, and churros. The churros are simple: pop them in the toaster oven for six minutes and they’re ready to go.

It was decently busy, and someone had just cleared out the last of the ready churros. I hadn’t had a chance to start a new batch yet when the next family stepped up.

Customer: “Hi! Can we get six churros?”

Me: “Sorry, I’m out at the moment, but I’ve got more going in the oven. They’ll be ready in about six minutes.”

They were disappointed but understood. I told them they could come back later once they were ready. As I got the next batch started, I heard a new voice pipe up.

New Guy: *Irritated.* “Why isn’t there a sign saying you’re out?”

Me: “I’m making more right now. They’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

To be clear, I had not sold anyone churros yet. I figured that was that.

Spoiler: it wasn’t. 

This guy didn’t leave. He just sidled a few feet to the side and started muttering with the previous family. I didn’t notice at first because the visibility inside the cart is half blocked by a giant Dippin’ Dots poster. But after a couple of customers, I realized he was still standing off to the side… actively discouraging people from getting in my line.

New Guy: *To other guests.* “She’s out of churros. Don’t bother. Just order something else and wait with us. We’re first.”

Mind you, he never bought anything. Never asked to wait. Never got permission to linger in front of my cart like a snack goblin. 

Finally, the toaster oven dinged. I pull out a fresh batch, coat them in cinnamon sugar, and start loading the warmer. I was going to be nice and wave him and the earlier family over. But before I could, the actual next person in line walked up and ordered a churro.

I start serving her, and that’s when the guy completely loses it.

New Guy: *Storming up.* “NO! GIVE ME MY CHURROS NOW! I’VE BEEN WAITING OVER HERE!”

Me: *Calmly.* “I didn’t tell you that you could wait there, and I haven’t sold you anything. I have plenty of churros. Now, if it’s okay with the next person in line, you can go after her.”

He either misheard me or just didn’t like not getting his way, because he huffed, swore under his breath, and stormed off. I served the kind lady at the window and then offered the actual patient family the next shot at churros, which they appreciated. 

A few minutes later, my coworker returned from her break. I told her the story, and she said I was being way too nice. 

Fair.

I went off to take my own break and informed the MOD (Manager on Duty), just in case. Right as I’m opening my mouth to explain, the radio crackles:

Cashier: *Over radio.* “Uh, someone’s here asking for the name of the churro girl. He wants to file a complaint.”

The MOD gives me the classic “What did you do now?” look, and we head out together. As soon as I explain that I never denied him service, I just wouldn’t let him cut the line or commandeer my cart. The MOD nods and says:

MOD: “Sounds like you did exactly the right thing.”

I later found out the cashier refused to give him my name, and he left… still without buying a churro.

The cherry on top? She shared her tips with me that day and gave me an extra-big cut “for surviving The Churro Man.”

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My father ran a construction company and was hired to update a utility line that ran through a local zoo. As they were preparing to start the project, the zoo director came up to my dad.

Director: “Okay, we are glad you are all here and we appreciate that you have taken all the precautions we asked for the well-being of our animals. And we know it’s a very long list of requests.”

Dad: “Well, grant you it was a long list of requests, and I won’t lie some are annoying like no one is allowed to wear yellow because it makes the monkeys mad, but it’s a small price to pay to create as little stress for the animals as we can.”

Director: “Yes, well, we have one more. Around the elephants, we have to ask that none of you wear hard hats.”

Dad: “What?”

Director: “Well, it upsets them for some reason.”

Dad: “Okay, we have a problem then. It’s a safety requirement. If a state safety inspector comes by, and they will, and finds any of my men without a hard hat on, they will nail us with huge fines.”

Director: “We need to figure something out because they will get agitated and charge the fences. They have before.”

Fortunately, they only had to work on about two hundred feet at the edge of the enclosure. What should have been a simple installation of new pipelines became a battle plan. Someone would try to keep the elephants busy at one end of the enclosure with new toys, and if they wandered over to see what the workmen were doing, the men would take their hats off.

A zoo employee would “stand guard” at the zoo entrance and would call over a walkie-talkie to my dad and the director if a safety inspector showed up. By the end of the week, all the pipeline was done, all the animals were happy and undisturbed, and the director saw to it that all the workers got free admission tickets for themselves and their families.

My dad said it was the weirdest job he had ever done in over fifty years, and frankly, the most stressful.