The Lizard Part Of Her Brain Is Active

, , , , , , | Working | March 8, 2018

I am a maintenance electrician at a zoo. I’m working in the reptile house installing a new outlet in a tight space between two cages. One of the keepers comes in and squeezes past me, so now there are two of us in this little space. Right as I bend over to pick something up, she starts singing, “We just need to check out your butt; gonna look at your butt.”

Now, I’ve worked with this keeper before, and this is totally out of character for her. I stand up and turn around. She’s singing to the lizard she is doing an examination on.

A Touch Too Much

, , , , | Friendly | March 2, 2018

(My sister has three children under five and is pregnant with her fourth. She is at a zoo, with her three-year-old and one-year-old in a double stroller, and her five-year-old walking along with her. She turns and bends down to talk with her five-year-old about one of the animals, and hears this behind her.)

Three-Year-Old: “Her name is [One-Year-Old]. Mommy doesn’t let people we don’t know touch her. No touching her.”

(My sister turns around to see an old lady trying to get her one-year-old child out of the stroller. She starts getting up, but as she’s pregnant, so it takes a bit.)

Sister: “I’m sorry, but I’d really rather you leave her in the stroller.”

Woman: “Did you hear what your son said to me? It’s so disrespectful.”

Sister: “I heard him very respectfully stand up for his sister who can’t talk for herself, and follow the rules I’ve given him.”

(The woman now notices that she’s pregnant, and runs over and begins rubbing her pregnant belly.)

Woman: “Oh, and you have another little one! I just love pregnant women. They just glow.”

Sister: “I can see the pattern here, because you don’t have permission to touch me, either.”

Woman: “Oh, you’re a mother. You can’t mind people touching you! I’m sure they’re—” *gesturing to the children* “—climbing all over you constantly.”

Sister: “But they’re my children. You’re not my child.”

Making A Boob Of Yourself, Part 2

, , , , | Right | January 12, 2018

(In the parking booth on a night of an event:)

Me: “Welcome to [Zoo]. Are you a zoo member?”

Customer: “No. How much is it?”

Me: “It’s [price].”

Customer: “Seriously? What if she shows your her boobs? Can we get a discount?”

Me: “Sorry, not today; it’s still [price].”

Customer: *pays and drives off*



Making A Boob Of Yourself

Why Not Throw In The Easter Bunny, While You’re At It?

, , , , , | Right | January 9, 2018

(A little kid understands horns, but he can’t understand how antlers fall off then grow back.)

Little Boy: “So, the animal dies, then the antlers fall off?”

Me: “No, they fall off, and then a new pair grows while the animal is still alive.”

Little Boy: “But the animal dies?”

Me: *getting frustrated* “No. It’s like losing a tooth. You lose one, and a new one grows in, but this happens to some animals once a year.”

Little Boy: “But the tooth fairy makes me lose my teeth.”

Me: “Well, the antler fairy makes them lose theirs.”

Little Boy: “And then she takes them, right?”

Me: “Yeah!”

Little Boy: “But how did you get that one?” *pointing at the antler*

Me: “Well, the antler fairy brings them to zoos so we can tell people about them.”

Little Boy: “But what about Santa?”

Me: *confused* “Santa?”

Little Boy: “Yeah, doesn’t he like to keep the antlers?”

Me: “He keeps some, but the rest he gives to the antler fairy.”

Little Boy: “Ohhhhhhhh.”

No, But They Will Make You Howling Mad

, , , , | Right | January 9, 2018

(This happens to a coworker of mine. They are standing in front of the wolf pen:)

Zoo Visitor: “Are the wolf eggs poisonous?”


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