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Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes (Turn And Face The Stupid)

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: Notiser | March 21, 2022

I am working in the gift shop at a zoo to get by while I am in college. The shop is pretty big; from one end, you can’t really see the other end. There’s one checkout next to the entrance; it’s kind of on its own at that side of the shop. Then there are the three main checkouts at the other end of the shop by the exit.

One day, I’m standing at the checkout by the entrance. I like working on that one because it’s never busy; people don’t normally walk through the whole shop and then go back to the entrance to pay. It’s an odd place to have a checkout, but I’m not complaining — easy day for me.

A guy walks out of the zoo and into the shop. He immediately turns and looks at me.

Guy: “Is this checkout open?”

Me: “Yes, is there something you’re looking for?”

He doesn’t respond and just walks back out of the shop and back into the zoo. Bit weird, I think, but I don’t really think anything more of it and carry on working.

About half an hour later, my manager comes over and asks me to cash up and go and takeover from someone at one of the main checkouts. I cash up and close the checkout. I turn all the lights off, put a cover over the desktop, and put out the sign that tells people to pay at the exit.

These are all pretty clear signs that the checkout isn’t open, especially the literal sign.

A while later, I’m working on the main checkouts and this guy comes stomping up. I realize it’s the same guy that came in like an hour ago asking if that checkout was open.

Guy: “I’ve been stood waiting at that checkout for twenty minutes!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, that checkout has been closed. You can pay here, though.”

Guy: “Well, you told me it was open, and now you’ve wasted my time!”

Me: “Again, I apologize, but we closed that checkout.”

Guy: *More annoyed* “I came in before and you told me that it was open. You lied to me.”

Me: “Sir, the checkout was open an hour ago; since then we’ve closed it. There was a sign that says to pay over here.”

Guy: “Well, I didn’t see any sign, how am I supposed to know it’s closed? And why would you close it after telling me it’s open?”

I’ve had enough. How clueless is this guy? Who in their right mind comes into a shop an hour beforehand to see if a checkout’s open? Things aren’t going to be the same an hour later. How could he not tell that it was closed? Every other customer had no issue with seeing that. Did he not notice flocks of people walking past with items to pay at the other end?

Me: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but again, we closed that checkout a little while ago. I’ll see what we can do about making it more obvious that the checkout’s closed.”

Guy: “It’s just poor customer service. You’ve wasted my time here! Your management is going to know about this. Just check me out so I can leave.”

I thought it best to not say it out loud, but I was thinking, “You’re d*** right they will. My manager’s going to love this one.”

All Baby Birds Deserve Love!

, , , , , , , , | Healthy | March 18, 2022

My daughter’s preschool class was taking a field trip to the Honolulu Zoo, and I went along to help chaperone. It must have been preschool day or something; at least half a dozen other schools were there, too, and preschoolers were everywhere.

As our group was walking toward one of the exhibits, I spotted a baby bird on the pathway, where it was in imminent danger of being trampled by four-year-olds. Having recently learned that birds do not abandon their chicks for “smelling like a human,” and, in fact, few birds even have a good sense of smell, I gently picked it up and moved to it to a grassy patch under a tree on the side of the path. I would have left it alone were it not in immediate danger.

We had only moved to Hawaii a few months prior, and I was curious what sort of exotic-to-me tropical bird it might be, so as I was moving it, I had my daughter’s teacher take a picture. As the bird still only had downy feathers, I couldn’t really tell what it was.

I got home and emailed the picture to the local chapter of the Audubon Society and awaited a reply. In the meantime, I looked through a bird book. Maybe a young cattle egret? A peachick? It wasn’t long before I got a reply.

It was a rock pigeon — not even a tropical pigeon, but the grey pigeon you see in just about every city.

That was nowhere near as exciting as I’d hoped, but at least the bird didn’t get trampled.

Not How We Want The Guests To Pony Up

, , , , | Right | March 14, 2022

I work at a zoo in the petting zoo area. We have goats, horses, pigs, chickens, ducks, geese, and so on. One of our ponies is a Shetland; he’s popular with everybody, especially the kids. We occasionally get asked if we do pony rides (we don’t), and there’s the occasional kid who tries to ride him. When that happens, we simply redirect their behavior and inform the parent that it’s not allowed.

Woman: “I’m interested in buying [Shetland] for my kid. How much is he?”

Me: “Excuse me? We don’t sell our animals. This is a zoo.”

Woman: “I know. How much is the Shetland?”

Me: “He’s not for sale. Please do not try to buy him again.”

The woman scoffs and storms off, and I get distracted by a billy goat who is misbehaving. Suddenly, I hear a scream, and I turn and see, to my horror, that the woman who tried to buy our Shetland is now trying to put her son on him!

Me: “Stop! Stop that right now!”

Woman: “All I wanted was for my son to ride him!”

Me: “I told you, we don’t do that! Now please leave the petting zoo. You are welcome to finish your zoo tour, but please do not come near [Shetland] again!”

By now, people were muttering and glaring at the woman. Realizing she’d been beat, she picked up her son, who was still freaking out, and stormed out of the petting zoo. I later heard that she tried to complain about me to the zoo director, but he told her off for her bad judgment.

Sadly, We Pelican Believe It

, , , , | Right | December 28, 2021

I’m a volunteer at the Lisbon Zoo. I’m basically a greeter/supervisor at a huge walk-in exotic bird enclosure. The bird population within mostly consists of lorikeets of both the red and multi-coloured variants, but we also have three toucans. You know, the toucan: that small, black bird with the huge orange beak — the exact polar opposite of a pelican: that HUGE, WHITE bird with the pale yellow beak. Yet, I can’t count the number of times this happens.

Visitor #1: *Walks in, sees one of the toucans.* “Hey, look, a pelican!”

At the time it happens, there is a hugely successful ad campaign on TV for a tropical-flavoured Brazilian drink, which involves animatronic talking toucans. A family walks into the enclosure, and one of our toucans is standing right by the entrance.

Visitor #2: “Hey, a toucan! But why’s it not talking?”

At least this guy got the bird species right, though!

Ah, Yes. Kay-Muls. Native To The Cayman Islands.

, , , , , , | Friendly | August 15, 2021

My mother is on holiday in England and is walking through a famous zoo when an American tourist comes up to her. I guess she heard my mother’s Canadian accent and thought she might be able to help.

Tourist: “Hey, can you help me? Can’t nobody understand me.”

Mom: “Sure. I’ll see what I can do.”

Tourist: “I’m looking for the kay-muls. I can’t find the kay-muls.”

Mom: “The what?”

Tourist: “Kay-muls. I can see ‘em on the map, but nobody can tell me how to get to ‘em.”

Mom: “Can you show me on the map?”

The tourist takes out her map and points to what she is looking for.

Mom:Oh! Camels!”

Tourist: “Yeah, that’s what I said, kay-muls!”