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That’s Now You Start A New Year!

, , , , , | Working | January 1, 2018

(This was about ten years ago on New Year’s Day. It is my then-boyfriend’s birthday and I am out with his family for dinner at a well-known Chicago-style pizza place. We have ordered three pizzas and are talking while waiting for our food, when our waitress comes walking towards our table with a tray of food. The waitress trips and drops the whole tray of food on the table next to ours.)

Waitress: “F***.” *leaves the food and tray where it is and storms out*

Boyfriend’s Mom: “Was that our food?”

Me: “Do you think she’s coming back?”

(After a few minutes, another man comes out.)

Manager #1: “Hi, folks, I’m sorry to tell you that was your food. I’m the manager; your waitress has walked out. If you would tell me what you ordered, I’ll re-order it for you. It’ll be on us.”

(We reorder all our food and a few salads in the meantime. We are waiting and talking for about five minutes when another employee comes up to us.)

Manager #2: “Good evening, folks. I’m so sorry about this. I’m the assistant manager. What was your order? I’ll go check on it.”

(We repeat everything we had just told the first manager, including the two salads that we’d recently ordered. We continue to talk for another ten minutes when a new waiter comes out with four salads.)

New Waiter: “Hello, I will be your waiter. Here are your salads. What pizzas did you order?”

Boyfriend’s Dad: “We only ordered two salads.” *he then repeats our pizza order*

New Waiter: “Oh, keep the salads. I will check on your pizza.”

(About twenty minutes later, NINE pizzas came out. They told us to keep them, and it was all on the house!)


This story is part of the New Year’s Day roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

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Going Absolutely Peanuts For Attention

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 1, 2018

(My friend is severely allergic to peanuts.)

Waitress: “What would you like? Our specials are [list of specials].”

Friend: “I’ll have [meal], please. But does that have peanuts?”

Waitress: “Let me check.”

(She runs to the kitchen to ask someone.)

Other Customer: “Pasta doesn’t have peanuts, idiot.”

Friend: “Actually, some foods have traces of peanuts that you can’t taste. I happen to be allergic, so if I eat it, I could wind up in the ER.”

Other Customer: “That’s made-up!”

Me: “Actually, allergies are real things that really happen. And yeah, they can be life-threatening.”

Other Customer: “No, they are not! Allergies are sneezing. She’s making this up to get attention!”

Me: “Umm…”

Waitress: “No, it’s peanut-free.”

Other Customer: “I told you, you dumb b****! You want attention!”

Me: “Um, you’re the one making a spectacle.”

(The offending customer was removed and my friend got a free meal. Thanks, idiot customer, for the free pasta.)

Thirty Minutes In And The Year Is Already Ruined

, , , , , | Right | January 1, 2018

(I work at a trampoline park that gets very busy on the weekends. Often times, we sell out and turn people away. This is out of my control and tickets are sold on a first-come, first-serve basis. Sometimes, though, people decide to just buy tickets for later in the day when we’re not full. Today, we are especially full because it is New Year’s Day.)

Me: “Hi, Welcome to [Amusement Park]. How are you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need tickets for [time].”

Me: “It looks like we’re actually sold out for that time; however, if you wanted to jump at [time 30 minutes later] I could get you in then.”

Customer: “No! I need to jump at [time]. I’ve been here before and there’s never been a problem!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we do recommend that you buy tickets ahead of time either in the park or online to reserve your spot.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I have these two boys with me and if they don’t get to jump, their day will be ruined!”

(She gestures to her two sons who are with her.)

Me: “Like I said, they will be able to jump, just not at that specific time. They could jump just thirty minutes later; so they would still be able to jump today.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just great! You’ve ruined these boys’ day. Happy New Year!”

(With this, she stormed off leaving her sons behind. They followed her, but one of them apologized on his way out. She came back ten minutes later and apologized for her behavior and said that she would like to buy the tickets for the later time.)


This story is part of the New Year’s Day roundup!

Read the next New Year’s Day roundup story!

Read the New Year’s Day roundup!

No Wonder Fries Are So Addictive…

, , , , , , , | Learning | January 1, 2018

(My grandfather was a math teacher, and this is a story I heard about him many times. Given the end result, I believe the particular topic at hand was statistics.)

Grandfather: “Now, nobody needs to answer, and if you do, I’m not going to tell anyone. How many people here have smoked marijuana?”

(Several hands go up.)

Grandfather: “Okay. Now, keep your hand up if the first time you ever had mashed potatoes came before the first time you ever had marijuana.”

(Everyone’s hand stayed up. And that’s how my grandfather “proved” that mashed potatoes are a gateway drug.)

Flipping Out Over This

, , , | Healthy | January 1, 2018

(I accidentally remove most of the tip of my middle finger with a gardening tool and am getting fixed up in the ER.)

Nurse: “There you go. Would you like me to tape your middle finger to the one next to it?”

Me: “Um, no. Why would you?”

Nurse: “Well, sometimes with a injury to the middle finger people ask us to tape an adjacent finger too so that they don’t inadvertently flip other people off.”

Me: “Are you kidding? This is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for!”