Customer: “I’m here to pick up a book I ordered.”

Me: “Did you receive a card saying it was in?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Great, let me get it for you. What’s your last name?”

Customer: *gives last name*

Me: *goes to special order shelf, behind the cash wrap, to find the book*

Customer: *comes behind the cash wrap and looks too*

Me: “Sir, I need to ask you to step back in front of the registers. This is a secure area.”

Customer: *ignores, keeps looking*

Me: “Sir, please step back! We don’t allow customers in this area!”

Customer: *grumbles, steps back*

Me: *finds book, completes sale*

Customer: *leaves*

Coworker: *laughing* “Do you know who that was?”

Me: “Well… he looked familiar.”

Coworker: “That was the governor! You just bossed the governor around!”

(I felt a little silly for not recognizing him, but he hadn’t been governor for long, had a common last name and looked like every other rich, entitled guy whoever came into the store.)

(Once a month, we send out a mailer advertising our business. Like most ads it reads, “Call Now!”)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I received a card in the mail that said I should call you.”

Me: “Oh, you’re interested in our free design consultation? I’d be more than happy to set one up for you.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want anything like that. It just told me to call.”

Me: “So you’d like a free estimate for new floors?”

Customer: “No! The card you sent me in the mail! It said to call you, so I’m calling you! Why do you want me to call you?!”

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Come mow my lawn!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Customer: “I said, come mow my lawn!”

Me: “I’m sorry, this is tech support. Are you having trouble with your cable TV or Internet?”

Customer: “I know who this is! I want you to mow my lawn! In the rain! I pay y’all enough every month, so you better come mow it!” *click*

Me: “…”

Customer: “So it says ‘message sent’… does that mean it’s been sent?”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “Oh okay. So they should receive that, then?”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “Okay. And I mean, if they received it, will they get back to me right away?”

Me: “Well, it depends how long it takes them.”

Customer: “Oh. So how do I know if it’s sent?”

Me: “It says ‘message sent’ on the screen.”

Customer: “Oh okay. So when should I expect a reply?”

Me: “…”

(Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time this routine has been carried out, with the same person.)

(I was working checkouts the other day when I overheard this happening at the service desk.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these outfits.”

Coworker: “All right, may I see your receipt?”

(The customer hands over a receipt dated about seven months ago.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, we can only accept returns within the first ninety days.”

Customer: “But my child outgrew these! Am I supposed to just lose money on them?”

Coworker: “Ma’am, children do tend to outgrow clothing.”

Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to do with them? Why should I lose money because of this?!”

Coworker: “…”

This story is part of the Embarrassing Parents roundup!

Read the next Embarrassing Parents roundup story!

Read the Embarrassing Parents roundup!