Idea: Feed This Creep To The Dinosaurs

, , , , , | Friendly | June 6, 2020

During my senior year of high school, my school managed to raise money to visit an amusement park. After being pursued by dinosaurs through a particular ride, I escaped alive and decided to go get lunch.

It was a hot day — 80F, 27C — and everyone was packed inside. The balcony was largely unoccupied, as it was outside in the sun. Luckily, I managed to find a table with some shade. I sat down to eat with my tray, and a short time later, a strange older man sat down across the picnic-style table across from me.

“Um, excuse me,” I asked him. “Could you please sit somewhere else?”

He didn’t answer; he just stared at me with a creepy smile and said something in a language I didn’t understand.

“Sir, I don’t know you,” I said firmly, “and I don’t feel comfortable with sharing my table with you.”

Instead of answering, he picked up a single french fry with ketchup on it, stuck it halfway into his mouth, and started sucking the ketchup off in a disgustingly suggestive manner, never breaking eye contact.

I no longer felt obligated to be nice, so I grabbed my tray, called him a filthy creep, and stormed inside, trying to find a security officer. He followed me inside, came up behind me, put his hands on my shoulders, and said something else in his language.

I slapped his hands off of me, but before I could spew a stream of profanity at him, a woman rushed over and started berating the man in their language before dragging him away.

As he was walking away, he said, in perfect English, “But American women are supposed to be easy!” which got him a burst of rapid-fire scolding in his language.

I gave a full-body shudder and finally found a security officer to complain to. Unfortunately, by then, the man was gone and I couldn’t point him out. They promised to check the security video, look for him, and remove him from the park, before wishing me a better rest of the day.

Maybe I should have stayed and pushed harder or pressed charges or something, but in the end, I just ended up finishing my lunch and enjoying the rest of my trip. I never did see him again.

I can only wonder why he thought he could pick up… that kind of woman… in a family-friendly park.

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Final Destination: The Ride

, , , , | Right | May 22, 2020

One of the more popular rides in the theme park where I work has been closed for a considerable amount of time due to maintenance issues. 

Customer: “So, we can’t ride [Roller Coaster] today?”

Me: “Not unless you wish to die.”


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The Cold Truth Is Yours Can’t Be

, , , , , | Right | May 18, 2020

At our restaurant in the amusement park where I work, there are glass-doored refrigerators that hold cold drinks for our guests to buy. I’m working as the cashier and two teenage boys run in with large plastic water bottles.

Boy: “Can I put these water bottles in the coolers for a bit while we go on rides?”

I blink a couple of times, processing what I just heard.

Me: “Umm… no, sorry. The coolers are for keeping our merchandise cold for our customers.”

Boy: “Don’t you have a marker or something? I can write ‘Not for Sale’ on them.”

Me: “I still can’t do that; customers accidentally buying your drinks isn’t the problem. We can’t hold personal drinks in them for safety reasons.”

Boy: “Come on! We just want our water to be cold.”

Me: “Well, I can give you ice for 25 cents.”

Boy: “Are you kidding me? I don’t have that much!”

And with that, they run out of the restaurant with their warm water. I walk back to see my coworkers.

Me: “Did that really just happen?”

Manager: “I think it just did. At least you handled it well!”

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The Weight Of The Wait Is Imaginary

, , | Right | May 17, 2020

I work at a theme park and I’m on the clock at the most popular ride we have. It was meant as a training device originally, so only one person can use it. There’s a queue of about three and there are labels everywhere stating that everyone gets five minutes on the ride. The current kid is on her second minute when a mom walks up to me.

Mother: “Does everyone really have five minutes?”

Me: “Yes, they do.”

Mother: “Can you let us go before everyone else?”

Me: “No, unfortunately, I can’t. You have to wait in the line.”

Mother: “But my son has been waiting for half an hour! He can’t wait and is crying!”

They showed up ten minutes ago, max. I look at the child; he’s around ten and calmly doing God knows what on his smartphone, slouched on the nearest sofa available for waiting. No tears visible.

Me: “Still no.”

The mother leaves for a few minutes. She goes to our shift manager and asks her the same thing. The manager has been here for the past eight years and does not like idiot customers She also says no. The mom eventually returns.

Mother: “But can’t you reduce everyone else’s time before us? Give them less than five minutes!”

Me: “Not happening, no. One last time: you need to wait for your turn.”

Eventually, the kid’s turn came around. He was stiff as a rock and clearly not enjoying the ride. He didn’t follow any of my suggestions and could definitely have had more fun if he’d loosened up. I think I know why the mum wanted extra time.

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The Classic Track Got Derailed Pretty Quickly

, , , | Right | May 13, 2020

I work at a go-kart track. I just started my shift and a lady is my first customer. I always ask customers if they plan on doing more than one activity since they can get package deals and save money.

Customer: “I would like two for the classic track.”

Me: “Okay, is that all you plan on doing?”

Customer: “I don’t know, why?”

Me: “We have multiple ride package deals to save money that are displayed here.”

I point to the giant flat-screen above me and the sign printed on the counter. The customer was nice but suddenly becomes furious.

Customer: “Why wasn’t I told this before?! Can I get the discount now?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t do that; the package can’t apply to previous purchases. I’m sorry if someone else didn’t mention them, but they displayed.”

Customer: “Fine! Whatever, you guys are f****** terrible salespeople.”

I give her the two tickets and have her sign for her card payment. There is usually always a pen on the counter. 

Customer: “Um, I need a pen to sign for this! You must be their f****** star employee here! I bet you get employee of the month all the d*** time!”

Me: “Yes, I do! Thank you for appreciating my hard work!”

The customer scoffs and leaves. 

Coworker: “What was up with her? She was so nice when I helped her.”

Me: “…”

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