Police Work Doesn’t Have To Go To The Dogs

, , , | Legal | July 25, 2018

(I’m walking my Labrador dog at a nearby, off-leash dog park. As most people know, Labradors are generally grinning, friendly, food-obsessed goofs. If you want a guard dog, get a German Shepherd or a Doberman, not a loopy Labrador! Anyway, I see a man walking towards us. He doesn’t have a dog, which is a bit strange in an off-leash dog park. I can see my dog is thinking about going up to say hello, and realising that not everyone appreciates strange dogs doing that, I call him. He obeys immediately, never coming within 15 feet of the guy. As the man passes us, I hear him mutter something under his breath.)

Me: “Excuse me? What was that?”

Man: *waiting until he’s a good distance away from me, then shouting* “I said you should have that f****** ugly mutt on a leash!”

Me: “It’s an off-leash dog park!”

Man: *still walking away* “Don’t f*** with me, b****, or I’ll report you and have that f****** dog shot!”

Me: *getting angrier now* “Hey! Come back here and say that to my face! We haven’t done anything wrong! Don’t be a f****** coward!”

(Right at that moment, I hear a calm, deep voice behind me. I turn around and find myself staring up at a very tall policeman. I don’t know where he came from but he clearly heard the whole exchange.)

Cop: “Please wait here, miss. Sir! Sir, please come over here. Yes, sir, you, the one shouting threats. Please approach.”

(The man shuffles back over to us, looking alternately furious and scared.)

Cop: “Thank you. Now, sir, from what I heard, you threatened to report this dog and have it euthanised. Please tell me what happened.”

Man: “It’s not on a leash! It was going to charge me! It could have attacked!”

Cop: *looking down at my Labrador which is now leaning against his leg and slobbering on his trousers* “…this dog?”

Me: “It’s an off-leash dog park! There are signs!”

Cop: “Miss, please calm down. Sir, please take a deep breath and answer my questions carefully. Question one: did this dog physically attack you?”

Man: “No.”

Cop: “Did this dog growl, snap, or bark at you?”

Man: “No.”

Cop: “Did this young woman at any time give her dog a command that you might have interpreted as a sign to attack?”

Man: “No.”

Cop: “So, would you now please clarify what this dog has done that warrants being reported and subsequently euthanised?”

Man: “It was her! She started yelling at me!

Cop: “I see. So you’re saying she should be reported and euthanised?”

Man: “Uh…”

Cop: “Sir, you are clearly not a dog lover. That’s okay — not everyone is. But I do suggest that for your peace of mind, and your blood pressure, you take your walks somewhere that is not a registered, off-leash dog park. You see, yelling threats like this to someone who hasn’t done anything to deserve them could end badly for you, when all you needed to do is avoid registered dog parks. Okay? Good. Now, let’s all of us carry on with our day. Miss, enjoy the rest of your walk.” *gives my dog a good pat and ruffle on his head and neck* “Good boy. Sir, come along. Let me escort you from the park. There’s a good chance you’ll run into other dogs, otherwise.”

(It worked. We’ve never seen that guy in the dog park since. Lovely Mr. Tall Policeman, if you’re reading this, thank you so much!)

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A Light Police Story

, , , , | Legal | July 24, 2018

(My father and I are driving a motorhome down a deserted stretch of interstate highway, under the speed limit, at night. No other cars are visible at all, when all of a sudden a state trooper comes up behind us with his light on. We pull over and the officer gets out:)

Officer: “How are you folks, tonight?”

Father: “We are just fine.”

Officer: “What did you pull over and stop for?”

Father: “Where I’m from, at least, we are supposed to pull over for police cars with their lights on.”

(The trooper looks at his car and turns back to us, looking a little embarrassed.)

Officer: “I’m sorry. I was out making sure that no elk were on the interstate. The lights scare them off the road and I forgot they were on. Have a good night.”

The Little Squirt Knows What It Is Doing

, , , , , | Related | July 23, 2018

My cat is generally a lovable cuddleball who has free reign of the house, but we have two rules for him: do not jump on the kitchen counter, and do not meow repeatedly and obnoxiously for the fancy canned food he gets every day at four — he has unlimited dry food — to try to get it early or more than once. We enforce these by squirting him with cool water. He’s a smart cat who understands the rules, and like all cats, hates being sprayed with water.

One day was extremely hot — about 110 degrees — and the air conditioner wasn’t working properly, so the inside of the house felt miserable. In addition, my cat seemed to be taking out his frustration by meowing as obnoxiously as possible, jumping on the counter right in front of us, and trying to nudge us toward where we keep the canned food. Obviously, we squirted him with the cool water.

When he started purring, we realized that he knew exactly what he was doing, and that we didn’t think the punishment through.

Shouldn’t Have Followed The White Rabbit

, , , , , , | Healthy | July 23, 2018

I work for a very small, in-state pet store chain. All of us employees are major animal lovers and have pet experience of some kind or another; it’s pretty much a requirement if you want to get a job there. We offer, among other things, nail clippings. Most of the animals we see come in are obviously loved and well-cared for, especially if their owners are regulars. However, that’s not always the case.

A customer came in with a year-old male rabbit of an unidentified breed for a nail clipping. Rabbits don’t come in too often, but things seem fairly normal. Things started to get weird — in hindsight, anyway — when the customer asked us for any vets in the area that took rabbits. Apparently, the rabbit hadn’t been eating for three months — later corrected to three weeks — and she felt that something was wrong. Oh, boy, she had no idea.

According to my coworker who clipped the rabbit, he yawned during the clipping, revealing some very overgrown incisors. How overgrown, you may ask? So overgrown that the lower teeth were starting to poke into the poor bunny’s nostrils. Worse, he had matted fur on his butt, consistent with sitting in a cage for long periods of time. Even worse than that, the nails themselves turned out to be nearly an inch long. And considering he hadn’t been eating for so long, it was a wonder that he was still alive and not emaciated. The rabbit was also a total sweetheart, further adding to the heartbreak.

To make matters worse, the customer left the store for nearly an hour. We practically ceased all operations looking for her and figuring out what to do with the rabbit, since, as time ticked by, we gave up hope of her ever coming back for it. Thankfully, the customer did come back; it turned out she just stopped by the dollar store nearby. Once we told her the condition of her rabbit, she was genuinely shocked, especially when we showed her his teeth. It turns out that not only was she not getting his teeth trimmed, but she only gave him paper towel tubes to chew on, because, “That’s what Google said,” hence the overgrown lower incisors. And yet she wondered why he wasn’t eating!

We finally managed to give her the address of the nearest 24-hour emergency vet clinic to get the rabbit some fluids and grind down his teeth. We also gave her tips on how to get rid of the mats safely and recommended getting the rabbit out of the cage more often. She thanked us deeply, paid for the clipping, and left with the rabbit in tow, hopefully to the vet. I sincerely hope the owner learned from this experience and will start taking better care of the sweet little thing, but at the same time just thinking about it still pisses me off. No matter how understanding the lady was, I will never get over how much she neglected that poor little rabbit.

Moral of the story? Some people really should not own pets, and those who do should do their research before getting it.

What Is She Feeding That Dog?

, , , , , | Right | July 23, 2018

(I work in a farm supply and hardware store, and I’m used to customers asking for advice when building projects at home. I’m also used to them ignoring said advice and buying supplies that are woefully inadequate or insanely overkill. A young lady approaches me looking for chain to tie her dog outside. I escort her over to the bulk cable and chain area and go through options I think will best suit her application. Each one she declines, telling me the dog has broken through one already. Eventually, she points to one of the heaviest types we carry and says:)

Customer: “Do you have anything heavier than that one? He already broke one of those.”

(I grab a length of said chain and hold it up.)

Me: “He broke through one of these?”

Customer: “Yes, and only after only a few minutes!”

Me: “Well, I think you’ve got a problem, then, ma’am.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “This chain is rated for 9,000 pounds. It’s typically used for heavy equipment, logging, and towing. If your pet broke through one of these, I can assure you one thing: he’s not a dog!”

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