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The Best Way To Judge Someone’s Character

, , , , , , , , | Working | February 1, 2023

Back in the 1960s, my father-in-law took early retirement. He and my mother-in-law set about building their own house in rural Wales and lived in a small caravan on the site. He hired bricklayers and roofers but did everything else himself with help from my husband and me.

When he reached the stage of needing the interior walls plastered, he asked around but could not find a plasterer who was willing or available to do the job. Then, one day, a man came to the door and offered his services, saying he was a plasterer who had been made redundant and fallen on hard times, and he and his little dog were sleeping in a nearby farm’s barn.

[Father-In-Law] was a bit sceptical about his story, but [Mother-In-Law] looked at the dog and realised that, although the man looked scruffy, the dog was well-fed and happy. She persuaded [Father-In-Law] to give him a chance, so he was told to plaster one small room as a trial.

He made a great job of that room and was hired to do the rest of the house, while my [Mother-In-Law] made sure he had one good meal each day. With the money the plasterer made, he was able to find somewhere to stay. Following recommendations from my in-laws, he was able to get more work, and he went from strength to strength, all thanks to [Mother-In-Law] noticing that he had taken good care of his little dog through his rough times.

Stupidity In Bloom, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | January 24, 2023

A customer buys some flower bulbs and brings the bulbs back about two weeks later.

Customer: “I want to return these.”

Me: “This is dirt in a freezer bag.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “Do you have a receipt, or the original packaging, at least?”

Customer: “Nope.”

Me: “Why do you want a refund?”

Customer: “The flowers didn’t grow like it showed in the picture!”

Me: “The packaging stated that they flower in June and July.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “It’s March.”

Customer: “So?”

Stupidity In Bloom

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 26

, , , , , , | Right | December 29, 2022

I work in a café. One of our dishes is a cheese and tomato pasta, which is loaded with cheese and tomato. A family (parents, son, and daughter) comes in and the mum very loudly announces:

Mother: “My son is allergic to cheese and tomato and must not have anything that has been in contact with them.”

Waiter: “Okay, we understand.”

They write this down and make everyone else aware of the allergy. The family orders food, including this pasta dish. The food is brought out and given out. When it comes to the pasta:

Waiter: “Who is the pasta for?”

The mum points to the son and the waiter is taken aback.

Waiter: “We are unable to give this to your son as it has cheese and tomato in it.”

The waiter takes the dish back to the kitchen and explains the situation, saying the mum will be coming up to order something else. The mum comes up to the till, not to reorder food, but to demand the manager, who is called over.

Mother: “You’ve stolen my son’s food and you’re refusing to give it back!”

Manager: “Madam, we can’t give this dish to your son as you have said he is allergic to cheese and tomato, and this dish is predominantly that.”

Mother: “I paid for that dish, and that is what my son wants! It’s pasta; he can have pasta.”

Manager: “Yes, but it’s also covered in cheese and tomatoes, two things you said your child is allergic to and can’t come into contact with.”

Mother: “But it’s pasta! He’s allowed pasta!”

Manager: “But he’s not allowed cheese and tomato.”

This goes on for a few minutes with the mum not backing down. We offer to make a dairy-free cheese option, minus the tomatoes, but the mum wants the tomatoes added, which we refuse. The manager has had enough of this.

Manager: “Madam, I have refunded your entire table. Please leave.”

Mother: “Seriously?! I’m going to give you negative feedback and ring your head office for not serving us!”

Manager: “Yes, please do tell them how we chose not to serve your child the food items he’s allergic to. The number for the head office is here.”

The mum was handed a business card and shown the door. We had an email from the head office a few weeks later asking for our side of the complaint, and when we explained, they sided with us and said we did our jobs correctly.

Even better, the mum left feedback on the website and was laughed at and berated by other people on the site for wanting to make her son ill and trying to get the café in trouble for following guidelines.

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 25
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 24
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 23
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 22
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 21

Professor Dumbledore 2.0

, , , , , , | Learning | December 8, 2022

I’ve got a really cool university professor. On day one, when he was showing us around the labs, he did this really cool performance.

Professor: “Ah, the door appears locked.”

Assistant: “Shall I get the key, sir?”

Professor: “No need; I’ve got my own key.”

He then pulled out a replica of the Elder Wand from “Harry Potter” and pointed it at the door.

Professor: “Alohomora!”

The automatic doors then opened immediately. Most of the doors in the lab building are automatic.

Professor: “Lumos!”

The lights turned themselves on.

Professor: “Ventus!”

The air conditioning activated.

Professor: “Piertotum Locomotor!”

A dozen Roombas all popped out and formed twin lines for us to walk through, like an honour guard.

The next year…

Professor: *In a fake Greek accent* “Now, lets-a see what’s inside you. I open your doors. Aaaaannnd flick!”

He flicked his fingers, and every single door in the building popped open as the lights and air conditioning also activated.

Then, the PA system in the building activated.

PA: *In Thor’s voice* “You flicked too hard, d*** it!”

The wonders you can do when your assistant is holding a remote control that can control everything in the building. I genuinely think that [Professor] has convinced at least a few of my classmates that he’s a real magician.

The Fire Isn’t The Hot Story Here

, , , , , | Learning | October 13, 2022

Around the start of the school year, my international boarding school holds a Food Fair where we all showcase local foods from home. As the best baker in school, I am slated to bake four or five big pandan cakes for the Food Fair.

Of the many kitchens available to students, there are only two in the whole school which I would consider adequately stocked: [Kitchen #1] and [Kitchen #2]. With the Food Fair only a few days away, [Kitchen #1] is fully booked, but that isn’t much of an issue. I prefer baking in [Kitchen #2], anyway.

But there is a small snag in the plan: [Kitchen #2] is inside the largest dorm, which is a boys’ dorm, and the only person willing to assist me in the baking process is a girl.

The school has a zero-tolerance policy for people entering the opposite gender dorm. I believe the punishments include suspension and expulsion.

Luckily, I am able to argue my case, and given that I am known to be a well-behaved lad, the school gives me special permission to bring [Assistant] into the boy’s dorm. The Vice Principal himself tells me that it is the first time in school history that a female student will legally enter a boy’s dorm.

[Assistant] and I enter the dorm — every single boy in the vicinity looking completely flummoxed — and begin the baking process. I turn on the oven to preheat while we mix the batter.

Assistant: *Giggling* “Look at all their faces. They can’t believe that you actually brought me in here.”

Me: *Laughs* “Yeah, I mean, we boys have smuggled girls in before, but you’re the very first— Wait, do you smell smoke?”

We both look down and realise that the oven is on fire, and we jump back in fright.

Assistant & Me: “Aaahhhh!”

Assistant: “It’s on fire! What do we do?”

I promptly hit the fire alarm, and a teacher is able to quickly come in with a fire extinguisher and put out the flames.

Me: “Oh, dear. Um, sir, I hope I’m not in any trouble.”

He waves a hand dismissively.

Teacher: “It’s all right. The oven was old, anyway. Just use the second oven only.” *Walks away*

Me: “This was not how I expected today to go.”

We both continue baking and manage to produce the cakes as promised. Within three days, the entire school has heard about our little incident.

On Monday, my entire class corners me and demands answers.

Me: “Yes, it’s true. We set the oven on fire.”

Male Classmate #1: “I don’t care about the oven. Nobody cares about the oven! That’s not important!”

Female Classmate #1: “Yeah! We all need to know one thing.”

Male Classmate #2: “How in the world did you legally bring a girl into [Boy’s Dorm]?! What magics did you use?”

Me:That’s what you’re concerned about? We burned an oven!”

Female Classmate #2: “Who cares about the fire? How did you get permission to bring a girl into the dorm?”

Me: “But the fire…”


Assistant: “My entire class cornered me during first period, and you will not believe what they asked me.”

Me: “Let me guess: they didn’t ask you anything about the fire. Instead, they all asked how you legally entered [Boy’s Dorm]? And how to do it themselves?”

Assistant: “Yup. Nobody cared about the fire. Nobody at all!”