A United Kingdom But Not Always

, , , , , , , | Working | February 12, 2020

(My boyfriend and I are waiting in line to be served. We’re chatting about what food to order, but not in English. As we approach the cashier, she looks up and folds her arms.)

Cashier: “I hope you foreigners are planning on ordering in English.”

Boyfriend: “Pardon?”

Cashier: “We’re in the UK; you should be speaking English, not whatever [racial slur for Pakistani people] gibberish you were speaking.”

Boyfriend: “Actually, we’re in Wales, and we were speaking Welsh.”

Cashier: *turns red and runs off*

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Suddenly, It Clicked

, , , , | Romantic | January 27, 2020

(I’m staying at my ex-partner’s house for the weekend early in the new year. Despite the breakup earlier this year, we’re still friends, and I enjoy spending time with them, their family, and especially their dogs: two miniature dachshunds, Rosie — aged two and a half years — and Henry — aged 13 months. One evening, as most are winding down for bed, I find a random plastic toy on the sofa’s armrest next to me. I tend to fidget with random objects, keeping my hands occupied while I watch stuff online. So, naturally, I start clicking the button on the random plastic toy. A few minutes later, my ex-partner comes down and grabs my attention.)

Ex-Partner: “Are you playing with the clicker?”

Me: “The what now?”

Ex-Partner: “The plastic clicker. It’s used to train the dogs.”

Me: “You can hear that?!”

Ex-Partner: “A: yes. B: it’s driving Rosie mad. She doesn’t know what she did wrong!”

(I quickly apologized, though my partner wasn’t angry with me, since I had no way of knowing what the random toy was. We’re still close friends, and I personally found the whole incident funny. I could practically hear the “womp-womp” music in the back of my head!)

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Unfiltered Story #180844

, , | Unfiltered | January 6, 2020

(I work for a large retail company in the UK. I work the late shift and help close the store. today I had just pulled everything in and it was bang on closing the lights had dimmed inside and a customer just came round the corner of his van in the car park and I explain we are closed and he walks back to the Van. I think nothing of it an lock up the doors and put the shutter down and carry on as it was stock count night.

I look out the window a minute later and the guy has moved his van closer to the entrance got out and tried to walk in stood there staring at the doors walking back and forth a little then walked back to the Van. a few of us saw him and I gave them the rest of the story.

What Would They Want With A Real One?!

, , , | Right | December 17, 2019

(I work in a VERY touristy area of Wales. We speak fluent Welsh, English, and “Tourist.”)

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Customer: “You’re going to think I’m crazy, but do you sell sheep droppings? I’ve seen them in shops around here before!”

Me: “Um… ma’am, actual ones or chocolate ones?”

Customer: “Oh! I hadn’t thought! I just saw boxes of sheep droppings the last time I was up this way. I have friends coming from New Zealand and I need to prove the Welsh are crazier about sheep than their lot are!”

Me: “Um. I’m gonna go safe and say you’re definitely thinking of the chocolate ones.”

(I gave her the directions to a major “tourist tat” retail outlet in the next town along.)

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This Is A Local Shop For Local People

, , , | Right | December 17, 2019

(I volunteer for a local charity who just took over a shop from another local charity who went bust six months ago. My wife is the manager. The name of the charity has the county in it.)

Customer: “Is [Employee] here?”

Me: “No, sorry, we’re a new shop now and there are only the three of us at the moment.”

Customer: “So, what charity is running it now?”

Me: “[Charity].”

Customer: “And what do they do?”

Me: “Support homeless people in the area.”

Customer: “Well, they’re not local, are they! They all come here!”

(She stormed out, I stood there dumbfounded and then managed to get out, “That was a bit harsh,” while my wife laughed.)

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