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These Are The Same Jerks Who Talk In The Movie Theater

, , , , , , , , , | Right | October 31, 2021

I am an actor in a drive-through scare attraction. It’s like a classic haunted house attraction except that people drive instead of walking through. Various scenes play out and the scares get bigger as they reach the climax of the story.

When they first enter, they are given clear instructions: stop at the stop sign in each zone, only proceed when the light turns green, and drive no more than three miles per hour.

Most people can follow these simple instructions. Most.

As with most scare attractions, there is a combination of pre-recorded dialogue, sound effects, and spoken dialogue/scares. It’s important to keep traffic moving but also give cars the green light when it’s safe to move forward. Otherwise, we get cars backed up which hurts everyone’s experience and makes accidents more likely.

[Guest #1] drives into my scene. The track is playing with dialogue from the main protagonist and antagonist, and I’m waiting for my cue. [Guest #1] stares at me for a moment, completely ignoring the dialogue blasting into his car, before loudly saying, “I guess she isn’t going to wave us through,” and speeds off, nearly hitting the car ahead of him.

It’s almost as though I didn’t turn on your green light for a reason!

[Guest #2] stays for the entire scene. The jump scare happens and I, in character, yell at them to “Get outta here!” and hit the green light.

[Guest #2] just sits there. And sits there. Cars are now waiting behind her. She doesn’t even look at me: the green light is right in her face and she’s staring straight ahead. After an agonizing forty-five seconds, she finally remembers that green means go.

[Guest #3] comes rolling in. He and his buddies are having a blast — and not in a good way. They’re chattering so loudly that they nearly drown out the very loud audio track. They don’t stop at the stop sign at all, so I — in character — put my hand up and tell them to stop. They laugh at me and drive off at way more than three miles per hour… missing an entire jump scare and causing a backup.

A variation of these events happens every single night.

It never ceases to amaze me how people will pay up to $100 per car and then ruin their own experience. Or how many people can’t follow simple instructions. I guess they laugh and drive forward when crossing guards tell them to stop, too?

Not to mention the catcalling and heckling. I can’t imagine spending $100 just to harass people who are being paid to entertain you. And hecklers almost always miss out on the jump scares. Their loss!

Oh, Yay, They’ve Purchased A Year Of Entitlement

, , , , , | Right | October 12, 2021

I work in a theme park. Weekends get very busy. It isn’t unusual for the line to enter the parks to stretch all the way back into the shopping/entertainment complex, or even all the way back to security. It’s just how it is these days, and most people just roll with it. Most of them.

I’m positioned at the end of the line for purchasing tickets, wiping each counter and credit card machine down with disinfectant after each group, making sure people keep their masks up, etc. It’s about 1:30 in the afternoon, and we’re finally starting to get caught up after our morning rush. The line is only ten to fifteen minutes long. A couple gets in line and the man waves me over.

Entitled Dude: *Incredulously* “Excuse me, but we purchased annual passes online yesterday. Do we really have to wait in this line?”

Me: “Yes, sir, you’re in the right place. No need to worry.”

Entitled Dude: “No, I don’t think you understand. We purchased annual passes.”

Me: *Confused* “…and this is where you pick them up, sir.”

Entitled Dude: “I really don’t think we should be made to wait in a line with these people when we’re annual pass holders. We spent a lot more money than they did to be here.”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir, but this is the only place to pick up those annual passes.”

Entitled Dude: “So, you’re telling me that I paid [price of the most expensive annual pass] for these passes and you’re going to make me wait in line behind them? This is unacceptable.”

The end of the line has moved at least ten feet so far during this conversation.

Me: “Again, I’m sorry you feel that way, sir, but to be completely frank with you, an hour ago this line went all the way to the other side of those arches. You are not going to be waiting long at all by comparison.”

Entitled Dude: *Getting huffier and huffier* “If this line had been that long when we arrived, I would have just gotten the passes refunded and left. This is not how you treat people after they spend [price of the most expensive passes].”

Me: “You certainly don’t have to stay in this line if you don’t want to, sir. If cancelling the passes is what you’d prefer to do, you’re more than welcome to do so.”

Entitled Dude: “Is there someone I could speak to about this? I am not feeling very welcomed here at all.”

Me: “Guest Services would be the only people who could assist you in this situation, sir. You’re welcome to visit them at your convenience, right over there.”

I pointed out another line and returned to my other responsibilities. When they got to the front of the line, I hurried to wipe down the counter of the unlucky coworker who was about to end up with them, apologized profusely for what she was about to deal with, and promised to fill her in when I could. I watched the transaction from a distance, and it took longer than it should have, seeing as it was a simple order pickup. Ultimately, one of our leads came up to them, spoke to them briefly, and walked away with them toward the entrance gates.

Long story short, they threw another fit with my coworker about having to wait. They had purchased our cheapest two-park pass as opposed to our most expensive three-park pass, and they refused to leave the window until they saw a manager. That’s when the lead showed up, gave them a completely insincere but convincing apology, and offered to escort them directly to the entrance to make sure they didn’t have to wait in another line, which placated them enough that no complaint about my coworker or me came in.

Joke’s on the jerk, though; by that time, there was no line at all at the front gate, so he didn’t actually get anything in the end… unless you count getting laughed at in the break room later!

You Shall Not Boarding Pass!

, , , , , | Right | September 29, 2021

I board a plane and take my seat by the window. There are two empty seats beside me and two more across the aisle. The seats are labeled by row number and then by letter, so each row has ABC on one side and DE on the other. A woman with three girls boards. The mother looks at my row, her ticket, and the girls, and sighs heavily.

Mother: “That’s my seat.”

Me: *Standing* “Oh, I’m sorry, I—”

I look at the seat assignment and see that I am, in fact, in my own seat.

Me: “Oh, no, this is my seat.”

I sit down again.

Mother: *Loudly* “Can I get some help here? This girl won’t move out of my seat!”

Attendant: “Let’s see what we have here. Can I see everyone’s boarding pass?”

I hand over my boarding pass but the woman crosses her arms.

Mother: “I paid for a window seat. That’s my seat.”

Attendant: “Can I see?”

Mother: “She’s in my seat.”

Attendant: “Ma’am, if you would show me your boarding pass—”

Mother: “No! That is my window seat!”

The oldest girl speaks up.

Oldest Girl: “Mom, just show her so we can sit down.”

Mother: *To me* “You’re going to be sorry.”

She hands her boarding pass over with a flourish.

Attendant: “Yes, ma’am, you did pay for a window seat.”

Mother: “Ha!”

Attendant: “Over there.”

She points across the aisle.

Attendant: “You’re in E, not A.”

Mother: “What?”

She grabs the boarding pass and looks at the assignments again.

Mother: “Oh, A, E, big deal!”

Attendant: “Please take your seat, ma’am.”

Mother: “Fine!”

She pushes two of the girls into the opposite aisle and scoots in beside me.

Attendant: “Ma’am?”

Mother: “What?!”

Attendant: “Your window seat is over there. You’ll have to move.”

Mother: “Oh, my God!”

The woman got up and switched with the girl at the other window. I sent a silent thanks to the flight attendant, who gave me a subtle nod. I put my headphones in, so I don’t know if the woman caused more trouble, but as soon as we landed, she grabbed her daughters and pushed through the other waiting passengers to be one of the first people off the plane.

No Good Deed Goes Unexploited

, , , , , , , | Right | August 25, 2021

I’m on vacation with a group of friends. We stop for breakfast before heading out for the day. While we’re on our way out the door, a man approaches us.

Man: “Excuse me, ladies. I’m sorry to bother you. I ordered more than I can afford. Can any of you help me out?”

He shows me an order slip with several sandwiches, soups, and frozen drinks.

Friend #1: *Immediately suspicious* “How much did you order?”

Man: “Uh, I got, like, $6 in stuff.”

Me: “All this is $6?”

Friend #1: “Why did you order it if you can’t afford it?”

Man: “I forgot my wallet. Can you help?”

Me: “I’ll pay if it’s only $6.”

My friends look at me like I’m crazy.

Man: “Oh, great. Thank you!”

Our group goes to the register again, the girls not willing to let me go alone with him. The cashier scans the order.

Cashier: “Okay. $23.”

Me: “He’s covering the rest.”

I hand her $6 in cash.

Man: “Wait, you said you would pay—”

Me: “$6.”

Friend #1: “You said it was $6. The rest is up to you.”

Man: “Well, maybe you can all pitch in and—”

Friend #2: “F*** no. Just because she was nice enough to help you, it doesn’t mean the rest of us are.”

Man: “But I—”

Me: “You can pick what you want and I’ll pay for what you quoted me. Everything else is up to you.”

Man: “Ugh. You can’t do a good deed?”

Me: “I was going to. Now you’re on your own.” *To the cashier* “I’d like my cash back, please.”

Cashier: “Okay.”

She hands it back without another word.

Cashier: “Sir, how would you like to pay?”

My group walked out. We could hear the man behind us, asking someone else to pay for his food using the exact same line. I felt a little bad for saying no but I wasn’t going to pay for nearly four times the amount he had asked for. We went back a few days later and the same man was there. He almost approached us again but thought better of it.

Unable To Carry That Request

, , , , , , | Right | August 13, 2021

I sell tickets at the resort with two theme parks and the boy wizard. A couple comes to my window to pick up a pre-purchased order. We are VERY strict about needing to see ID to pick up these orders, especially for Florida resident tickets, which require proof of residency for everyone over eighteen.

Guest: “But I don’t have my ID; I left it in the car.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but without ID, I cannot issue these tickets.”

Guest: “But I’ve already paid for them!”

Me: “I understand that, but I still need to see your ID. Do you happen to have a picture of it on your phone? That would be sufficient.”

Guest: “Of course not. Who does that?”

Lots of people, actually, but she obviously doesn’t want to hear that.

Guest: “So, are you telling me I have to go all the way back out to my car and back just to get my ID, just to get my tickets that I’ve already paid for?”

Me: “I’m afraid so.”

I’m genuinely sympathetic at this point, as it is a bit of a hike back to the parking garages.

Me: “But when you get back, you won’t have to wait in line again. Just let the person at the start of the line know what’s going on and they can bring you straight back to me. We can at least save you that little bit of time.”

Guest: “I’m not doing that. I want someone to carry me. Can you get someone to do that?”

I’m certain I must have heard her wrong.

Me: “I… I beg… I, uh… Come again?”

Guest: “I’m not walking all the way back there just for my ID. I want someone to pick me up and carry me to my car and back again. Is there someone who will do that?”

We have an awkward staring contest for several seconds until I regain my power of speech. My “customer service conciliatory” voice does not come back for the rest of the conversation.

Me: “No.”

Guest: “Then I want a refund on my tickets. Give me that, instead.”

Me: “Guest Services are the only ones who can refund pre-orders.”

Guest: “I’m not walking all the way over there, either. You’ll do it.”

Guest Services can’t be more than 100 yards away, and she points toward it as she says that, so she clearly knows where it is.

Me: “I cannot. Guest Services can.”

Guest: “I. Want. A. Refund!”

Me: “Go. To. Guest. Services.”

Guest: “I AM NEVER COMING BACK HERE AGAIN, DO YOU PEOPLE HEAR ME?! [HUSBAND], WE’RE GOING HOME!”

She stormed away, not toward Guest Services, but back toward the parking garages. So, judging by the address on the order, she’d presumably gotten up early enough to get to Orlando from close to three hours away by about 9:30 in the morning, only to turn right around and go back home because she wouldn’t walk back to the car for her ID — even though she was going to walk around the park all day. And she was leaving without her money because she wouldn’t walk the tiny distance necessary to get it — even though she was willing to walk back to the car to leave. Whatever makes you feel like you won, lady.