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O, Canaduh, Part 12

, , , , , , | Learning | June 2, 2021

I work at a theme park with a world showcase that’s staffed by citizens of each of those countries. I’m Canadian so I’m working in the Canadian Pavilion. We have a trivia quiz at the main checkout counter, and one question is, “How many provinces and territories do we have, and can you name them?” Sadly, most guests who aren’t from Canada don’t know and then joke when wrong.

Guest: “Five provinces and no territories; that’s a trick question. They are British Columbia, Montreal, Toronto, Ontario, and Vancouver.”

Me: “Sorry, but that’s not correct. We have ten provinces and three territories. Here, I’ll show you on our map.”

Guest: “This is a fake map. I’m a grade five teacher and I teach the Canadian unit, so I know more about Canada than others.”

Before I could get my brain working to figure out if she was serious or not, she was called away to her family. I really hoped she was kidding and wasn’t passing on wrong information to new generations.

O, Canaduh, Part 11
O, Canaduh, Part 10
O, Canaduh, Part 9
O, Canaduh, Part 8
O, Canaduh, Part 7

We Sure Hope He Re-Tired

, , , , , , | Working | May 20, 2021

My first car was great right up until the moment it wasn’t. It was that quintessential first car that wasn’t anything fancy but it ran and it was paid for. Just shy of reaching 200,000 miles, however, everything started falling apart, almost literally. The air conditioning quit, which is a big deal in Florida, the head gaskets started leaking, causing the car to overheat, and finally. the alternator gave out so I couldn’t even start it anymore. It was going to cost way more than my fifteen-year-old Neon was worth to fix it, so I found a local company that would scrap it. Notably, their website claimed “$250 minimum guaranteed, even if it doesn’t start.” They’d even come haul it away.

I called and scheduled the pickup, making sure to verify the $250 and that they knew it wouldn’t start. It was a small company and the man I spoke with gave me his name and identified himself as the owner. He agreed it would be $250 no matter what.  

The day it was scheduled to be hauled away, the driver knocked on the door and asked for the keys. I told him the key would unlock it but it wasn’t moving on its own.

Driver: “Well, since it doesn’t start, my boss says I can only give you $200 for it.”

Me: “Umm, that’s not what your website says. I also verified the $250 just last week when I called to schedule this pickup and I told them then it wouldn’t start. The owner agreed it would be $250.”

Driver: “Well, he just called me and said we can only do $200.”

I was starting to smell a rat. 

Me: “Then I’m going to call him back and tell him his website is misleading and that he shouldn’t have promised me $250 since he knew last week it wouldn’t start. I’d like to tell him who I’m working with. What was your name again?”

Driver: *Stammering* “Well… well… let me just give him a quick call back and clear things up for you.”

He walked off, had the most comically fake phone call of all time, and then came back. 

Driver: “I explained that whoever you talked to last week told you it would be $250 even if it didn’t start. [Owner] didn’t know who you’d spoken to but said he’d have to talk to the employees about making promises like that. He said you should get the $250 this time, but next time it might be lower.”

Me: *Super fake voice* “Wow, thanks so much for getting your boss to agree to cover what that dishonest employee was doing and treating customers so badly!”

He forked over the money and towed the car away. Once he was gone, I called the company and asked for the owner. I told him that whichever driver he’d sent to my place was skimming from him and lying about his business to customers. He got really quiet, apologized for the driver’s behavior, and promised he’d deal with him.

This story is part of our Best Of May 2021 roundup!

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Read the Best Of May 2021 roundup!

Downpour Results In Downtimes

, , , , , , , | Friendly | May 12, 2021

We’re visiting a theme park that features two new rides, one of which consistently has a queue time of at least three hours all day. Since we’re in Orlando for three weeks, we figure we’ll just try again another day.

Fast forward two weeks and our efforts so far have been in vain. The queue just refuses to ever dip down below the three-hour mark no matter what we do. We’ve pretty much resigned ourselves to either not going on it at all or just sucking it up and losing the three hours.

On our penultimate visit to the park, we are at the complete opposite end of the park when a bout of tremendously heavy rain starts and, not being the sort of people to get upset about being wet, we decide we may as well quick-march over and see if people got rained out of the queue.

Nearing our destination, we see a family of five huddled under a tree frantically extracting ponchos from a backpack. This family looks at the pair of us marching through this downpour like we’ve grown extra heads. We just shrug and say, “British.”

The family laughs and nods in understanding and we carry on our way. We find a forty-minute queue which we happily jump in. We’re completely dried out by the time we’re halfway through it. Success!

Bathing In Sarcasm

, , , , | Right | April 17, 2021

My senior class trip is to a well-known amusement park that features a log-flume-style ride. I’m in the line when I overhear a woman in a group ahead of me speaking with a staff member. We’re almost at the front of the line, way too late to be asking these questions.

Woman: “Will we get wet on the ride?”

Staff Member: “Yes, absolutely!”

The woman pauses for a moment, clearly in thought.

Woman: “How wet?”

The staff member obviously has one of those moments where the internal filter fails.

Staff Member: “Have you ever taken a bath?”

Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 4

, , , , | Right | March 15, 2021

I’m working in a restaurant where people order at the counter, take a buzzer, and come collect their food when it’s ready. We always ask them if they would like their drinks now or with their food. One customer seems to have an issue with this and marches back up to the counter.

Customer: “Where are my drinks?!”

Me: “You told me you wanted them later, but I can get them now if you want. Do you want them now?”

Customer: “Well, what if somebody wants their drinks now?! Are you going to make them wait?!”

Me: “Like I said, I can get you your drinks right now. Do you want them?”

Customer: “No!” *Stalks off*

One of his family members came and picked up the food and drinks a few minutes later. Some people just want to be angry.

Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 3
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 2
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn