They’ve Been After The Castle This Whole Time

, , , , , , | Right | August 9, 2020

I work at a hotel in a theme park and we’re are almost booked solid for the entire year. A guest comes back from the parks wet and steaming mad.

Me: “Hello! I see you encountered Florida’s unpredictable weather today.”

Guest: “Are you f****** kidding me?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Guest: “We paid over ten grand to come here this year and it has rained every g**-d***ed day!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, Florida is known for very unpredictable weather. Shall I suggest carrying a rain poncho or an umbrella?”

Guest: “That doesn’t f****** help me now, now does it? [Park] is not supposed to have rain! They have a dome they fly over on rainy days! I know this! I’m going to sue them for everything that f****** mouse owns!”

Me: “Ma’am, there is no such thing as a [Park] dome. That is just not possible. Also, I’m going to have to ask you to please refrain from shouting and cursing while in the hotel lobby.”

Guest: “F*** you! And f*** all your [Park] s***! This place should sink into the ground and disappear. I wouldn’t be the least bit unhappy if someone flew a plane into that castle!”

Me: “Ma’am, I need you to either go to your room or please exit my lobby with that kind of language.”

Guest: “Fine! I’ll just go contact the terrorists and send them over here, right after I check out in ten minutes!”

Thirty more minutes passed, and she came down with her luggage, throwing the keys on the desk and walking out the door. Another guest alerted me that she was outside telling guests that the terrorists were running the hotel and that they planned to launch planes into [Park]. We called the police and they came to escort her to jail for a terrorist threat.

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Just Because You’re At The Lazy River Doesn’t Mean You’re Lazy

, , , , , , , | Right | July 29, 2020

I work as a lifeguard at a popular waterpark. I’m stationed just about forty feet away from the entrance to the lazy river. A boy runs and jumps in next to my stand, breaking several rules at once.

Me: “Hey! Do not ever jump into this river again! Use the entrance like everyone else!”

Kid: “I know! I’m sorry! Jesus!”

I let him float on. Some people just make that mistake even though it’s common knowledge. About three minutes later, I see a lifeguard floating down past me with the kid in tow.

Me: “What happened? You need help?”

Lifeguard: “No. Kid climbed out next to my stand and jumped in. Hit his arm on the island.”

Me: “He jumped in at my stand, too, and I told him not to break any more rules.”

Boy: “F*** you! He’s lying!”

Lifeguard: “We don’t really lie to each other. I’m getting security and you can explain it to them.”

I found out later that the kid had been breaking major rules all day and running off before anyone could get him, and he even got a little kid hurt as a result. Security escorted him and his family out of the park and gave them all a lifetime ban.

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Drawling To Conclusions

, , , , | Right | July 22, 2020

To preface this, I have worked for several years at resorts in Central Florida. I was born overseas but came over to the US when I was four and was raised as an American. I have gotten a knack for imitating regional accents; most people don’t have any idea I was born anywhere else unless I tell them so.

This guy is not most people.

I have been assisting a family from the Midwest with some luggage issues over the course of their vacation, and on the last day of their visit, they come up to thank us. The father of the family walks up and addresses me in particular.

Me: “Is there anything else we can do to assist you?”

Guest: “Well, ya know what, son? I’ve been meanin’ to tell you something.”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Guest: “You speak real good American.”

Everyone around me, including his own family, looks utterly flabbergasted and nervous that I will get offended.

I just put on my best smile and don’t skip a beat before replying in my best Old Florida drawl.

Me: “Well, after twenty-eight years here in the States, you just pick it right on up!”

You really do catch more flies — and tips — with honey than vinegar.

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There Are Idiots Wherever You Rome

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 27, 2020

I am from England, and a friend and I have travelled to Florida for the first time. We’ve been to several theme parks at this point, I think about five days into our holiday. We are at a theme park with various countries set around a lake.

We’re in the queue to meet one of my all-time favourite characters, this one based in the “Germany” pavilion. We’re talking to pass the time, and naturally, people queuing with us hear our accents.

Lady: “Oh, we love your accent; where are you from?”

Me: “England.”

We start talking about England. I am about to explain that we come from an area about ninety minutes or so from London when I get asked this gem.

Lady: “How far away is Rome?”

I blinked at first, slightly confused, as we’d been talking about England. It turned out this person was serious and assumed Rome was somehow in England, and they were shocked when I said you needed to fly there as it was another country.

I politely told the lady to take the time to look at a map of Europe as a whole. I didn’t have time to show them myself. I’m not sure they ever did. I do often wonder why some people seem so unaware of the world outside the USA; I’ve read stories on here, but I still find it baffling.

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Living In An Olsen Twin Movie

, , , , , , | Working | May 26, 2020

In my store, we have a few different choices when it comes to what we wear. Today, my coworker and I wore the exact same thing. My coworker has also dyed her hair to barely a shade darker blonde than me. 

I notice the team lead walk by a few times and every time he does, he does a double-take at us. On one of the passes, he stops.

Team Lead: “You guys are throwing me for a loop today. You’re both wearing the same thing and you’re both blonde.”

I felt bad for him the rest of the day, even worse knowing in a few weeks I was planning to dye my hair red which would then confuse him all over again.

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