Bathing In Sarcasm

, , , , | Right | April 17, 2021

My senior class trip is to a well-known amusement park that features a log-flume-style ride. I’m in the line when I overhear a woman in a group ahead of me speaking with a staff member. We’re almost at the front of the line, way too late to be asking these questions.

Woman: “Will we get wet on the ride?”

Staff Member: “Yes, absolutely!”

The woman pauses for a moment, clearly in thought.

Woman: “How wet?”

The staff member obviously has one of those moments where the internal filter fails.

Staff Member: “Have you ever taken a bath?”

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Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 4

, , , , | Right | March 15, 2021

I’m working in a restaurant where people order at the counter, take a buzzer, and come collect their food when it’s ready. We always ask them if they would like their drinks now or with their food. One customer seems to have an issue with this and marches back up to the counter.

Customer: “Where are my drinks?!”

Me: “You told me you wanted them later, but I can get them now if you want. Do you want them now?”

Customer: “Well, what if somebody wants their drinks now?! Are you going to make them wait?!”

Me: “Like I said, I can get you your drinks right now. Do you want them?”

Customer: “No!” *Stalks off*

One of his family members came and picked up the food and drinks a few minutes later. Some people just want to be angry.

Related:
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 3
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 2
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn

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You Must Be New Here

, , , , | Romantic | March 6, 2021

Husband: “What is your email address?”

Me: “First initial, last name, and the month and day of my birthday.”

Husband: “How do you spell that?”

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The Returner Versus The Couponator II: This Time It’s Personal

, , , , , , , | Right | February 7, 2021

A customer is doing a return.

Customer: “My wife used a 30%-off coupon when she purchased this. Is it possible to get that back when I do the return?”

Me: “No, sorry, sir, we can’t return coupons.”

Customer: “What if I do this return without a receipt? Could she then use the coupon for something else?”

Me: “No, sir, the coupon has already been used.”

Customer: “Well, if I return it without a receipt, can I get the full amount back?”

Me: “Not only am I currently holding your receipt, sir, but we cannot give you back more than you spent. Doing a return without a receipt doesn’t give you the full amount back; it gives you the lowest price the item has been in the last sixty days.”

Customer: “But like, come on. It couldn’t have been less than 30% off…”

Me: “Well, sir, that is certainly a risk you can take, but I will tell you that your odds of finding the only items in the store that haven’t been on sale recently are extremely low. I’ve seen items go as low as $1 each. Trust me, you won’t be getting paid more than your purchase amount.” 

He finally took the original amount he’d paid as a refund and left with his three children. He had announced that they were homeschooled prior to this interaction. I feel less than encouraged about their upbringing.

Related:
The Returner Versus The Couponator

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This Franchise Doesn’t Own Them… Yet

, , , , | Right | January 21, 2021

I work in a members-only lounge at a popular theme park. We provide an air-conditioned space with charging stations, as well as free soda and coffee machines. There is also a [Coffee Shop] located just across the plaza in the park. This happens on the day [Coffee Shop] releases its Unicorn [Drink].

A customer approaches me at the check-in for the lounge.

Customer: “I’m here for my free Unicorn [Drink].”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I heard you give free Unicorn [Drink]s to members. I want one.”

Me: “Do you mean the new [Coffee Shop] drink?”

Customer: “Yes. Someone in line had a coffee and said that they got it here for free. So I want a Unicorn [Drink].”

I realize what must have happened.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, they must have meant our complimentary coffee. We do have a Keurig machine in the lounge that is for member use, but it’s just decaf or regular. We aren’t affiliated with [Coffee Shop].”

Customer: “What do you mean? [Theme Park] owns [Coffee Shop]!”

Me: “No, we don’t.”

Customer: “Yes, you do! I walked past one right outside!”

Me: “We have a partnership wherein we sell their coffee in their stores on property. But even if we did own them, the Unicorn [Drink] is a seven-dollar specialty drink. There is no way we could afford to give away thousands of those for free every day. You’re welcome to come up for a complimentary coffee, or if you really want the Unicorn [Drink], [Coffee Shop] is—”

The customer turns to go:

Customer: “I know where it is! The guest service here has taken a nosedive! [Founder of Theme Park] is turning over in his grave!”

Me: “Have a magical day!”

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