Has No Notion Of Drinking Your Potion

, , , , , | Right | March 27, 2020

(This was overheard in Diagon Alley at Universal Studios:)

Customer: “Hi! I just need a bottle of water.”

Employee: “Of course!”

(He pulls out a bottle of water. It’s labeled “Gilly Water,” like in the Harry Potter books, since we are in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Gilly Water is just regular water, but it just has a different label.)

Customer: “A regular bottle of water, please.”

Employee: “Ma’am, this is regular water. The label is just different.”

Customer: “I want real water!”

Employee: “I don’t know what else to tell you. This is regular water and you’re holding up the line. You can get a different bottle somewhere else that’s not over here.”

Customer: “Fine!”

(She stormed off to the nearest restaurant. Little did she know, that restaurant also had Gilly Water!)

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Do You Want Me To Not Say It Any Clearer?

, , , , , , | Working | March 27, 2020

(I’ve unfortunately inherited my dad’s severe reactions to orthodontic work. A procedure that would cause most people a day or two of mild pain will cause me a week of severe pain and residual pain for another two. Nothing seems to help and dentists don’t always take it seriously. One summer, I’m working my first two customer service jobs and I get some dental work done. I’m in my usual pain, meaning I can’t talk for more than a few seconds at a time, which is fine at [Job #1]; it’s the front desk of a gym, so it’s mostly just, “Hi, how are you?” But [Job #2] is cashiering at a restaurant, which means I spend most of my day talking. I go into [Job #2] a few hours after getting the dental work and these are the conversations that happen for the next few days:)

Me: *explains dental work, level of pain, and requests non-talking jobs*

Shift Lead: “Are you sure?”

Me: *in a slow whisper, which is all I can handle* “Absolutely. I cannot talk today and I probably won’t be able to stay on register all shift for at least three days.”

Shift Lead: “Okay…”

(They seem to be willing to accommodate, but then…)

Shift Lead: *thirty minutes later* “Hey, can you get on register?”

Me: “Umm… No? Remember it hurts to talk?”

Shift Lead: “Oh, okay. Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Shift Lead: *two hours later* “Hey, are you feeling better? Can you get on register? [Coworker] needs to go on break.”

Me: “Can anybody else do it?”

Shift Lead: “Well…”

Me: “Okay, fine, but no more than fifteen minutes.”

(Ten minutes pass.)

Me: “Sorry, I tried but I really can’t. You’re going to have to find someone else.”

(It finally seems to get through, but then, the next day…)

Shift Lead: *in pre-shift meeting* “Okay, [My Name] you’re on register today.”

Me: *thinking* “Seriously?” *saying* “I feel just as bad as I did yesterday. I really can’t. I’m sorry.”

(The same thing repeated the next day, and on the fourth day, I finally felt like I could do half a shift on register without too much pain… Buuuuuuut, you guessed it — the same questions were repeated all day again. I was eventually fine and went back to my normal duties, but having had several customer service jobs since then, the situation seems a lot sillier than I realized it was at the time. It makes absolute sense that they need me on my regular job, but when I couldn’t do it they didn’t hold to the accommodations they agreed to or ask me to go home until I felt better, which would have saved them the cost of paying an employee that couldn’t do their job!)

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I, For One, Like Roman Numerals

, , , , , | Learning | March 18, 2020

(On my senior trip to an amusement park, due to the fact it’s a school-related trip, we have to do something educational before having free reign. The last thing we do of our educational part involves a math problem where we’re to only use roman numerals — no 1 or 5, it has to be I or V. We’re also not given a key for keeping the numerals straight, so I decide to use a loophole and scribble my own key “I: one,” “V: five,” and so on since they never said we couldn’t do it that way.)

Staff Member: *looking at my paper, pointing at my key* “What’re those scribbles?”

Me: *jokingly, though I admit my tone may have been unclear* “What? You don’t doodle when you think?”

Staff Member: *leans in* “Don’t be a smarta**.”

(To be honest, it’s probably one of my favorite memories of the trip.)

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The Caller Is Forever Under 21

, , | Right | March 6, 2020

(I’m a bartender at a karaoke bar. This happens on a weeknight when I am working by myself.)

Caller: “Hi. Do you have to be 21 to come to sing?”

Me: “Yes, we are 21 and up.”

Caller: “Do you check ID?”

Me: “Yes, everyone needs to have a valid ID.”

Caller: “What if my kids have IDs that say they’re 21?”

Me: “Do the IDs belong to your children?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Then they can’t come in. Everyone needs to have their own valid ID that states they are 21 or older.”

Caller: “Okay, thank you.”

(Ten minutes later…)

New Caller: *same phone number* “Hi. Do you check ID?”

Me: “Yes, you need to be at least 21 with a valid ID to come in.”

New Caller: “Okay, thank you.”

(Five minutes later:)

Same Caller: *same phone number* “Hi, do you check ID?”

Me: “Yes, you need to be at least 21 with a valid ID to come in.”

Same Caller: “Okay, thank you.”

(Five minutes later:)

Same Caller: *same phone number* “Hi, do you check ID?”

Me: “No, we just take your word for it.”

Same Caller: “Really?”

Me: “No, not really. You have to be at least 21 with a valid ID.”

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When You’ve Been Air Conditioned To Respond With Sass

, , , , , , , | Right | February 28, 2020

I’m working my first restaurant job. It’s the middle of summer in Orlando, Florida: 90°F, 80% humidity. No wind, no rain, just heat. The A/C has broken in the whole restaurant and the vents in the kitchen really aren’t doing much besides sucking up the smoke. Some customers mention it but brush it off as no big deal. Others have significantly less useful comments.

Rude Customer:
*Angry* “It’s hot in here! Is the A/C broken?!”

Me:
*Still polite* “Yes. Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to fix it.”

The rude customer gestures to the dining room.

Rude Customer:
“Well, you should! It’s too hot out here!”

I decide to respond in my most cheery customer service voice while pointing to steaming grills, fryers, and toasters.

Me:
“Oh, I know! Imagine what it’s like back here!”

The customer has a look that’s somehow a cross between sheepish and angry.

Rude Customer:
“Uh… I’ll have the [burger].”

Me:
“Good choice.”

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