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This Is Why You Record Stuff And PRETEND It’s Live

, , , , | Right | June 25, 2022

I used to work in tech support for a satellite television company during the time that DVRs were first coming into widespread use. I once got an angry phone call from a customer.

Customer: “The fast-forward feature isn’t working on my new DVR!”

After troubleshooting for a little bit, I learned that she was not trying to fast-forward through the commercials of a show that she had recorded on her DVR but rather was trying to fast-forward through the commercials of a live television show.

I then got to explain to her that her new DVR was a recording device, not a time-travel device.

Me: “You can fast-forward through the commercials of programs that you’ve already recorded on your DVR, but you cannot time-travel and fast-forward through commercials that have not even aired yet.”

Bit Of An Overreaction, Don’t You Think?

, , , | Right | CREDIT: PinkhairLiLi | June 6, 2022

I am an agent for a cable company, working from home in the lower part of the Niagara Falls area.

I get a call and the screen pops up as a caller from the downtown area of the Falls. I verify her information and she tells me all her services are down. I open the account and, lo and behold, there’s an outage; there was a high-speed car chase and a car took out the node.

Me: “All right, ma’am, I understand that your services are currently all out. Looking here, I see that a large piece of our equipment has been damaged and that we do currently have a service interruption in your area. Our technicians are engaged and onsite to repair the issue and we have an estimated time of resolution of about 10:30 pm.”

It is 8:45 pm now.

Caller: “So, I don’t have any services until 10:30?!” *Starting to sob* “But what am I going to doooooooo?”

Me: “I do apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am. We’re doing everyth—”

Caller: *Through sobs* “I want a technician at my house right now. I have nothing. I can’t watch TV. I can’t read a book because I have macular degeneration. I just don’t know what to do. You have to send them out. Right. Now.

Me: “Ma’am, I apologize, but I can’t send them out right now because it is not an issue just with your house. Even if they came out to your house right now, the issue would not be resolved until the node that provides service to the entire area has been repaired. Our current estimate for when that repair will be completed is 10:30 pm.”

Caller: *Still hysterically crying* “WHERE ARE YOU LOCATED?! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!”

Me: “I’m currently located in the Niagara Falls region.”


Me: “Ma’am, that’s because I’m in a different service area. The area we’re seeing this interruption in is the lower downtown portion of the Falls. Looking here, it appears a car struck the node and caused significant damage. We are doing everything we can to restore it and will have everything up hopefully right around 10:30 pm.”

Caller: *In hysterics* “Well, if you aren’t going to help me, then I know what to do. I’ll just take an overdose. Goodbye.”

Me: “Ma’am, if you’re threatening suicide, then I will need to send the police over for a welfare—”


I called my supervisor and they agreed that we needed to call local law enforcement. Apparently, when the police got there, it was an elderly woman who was still hysterical but admitted she was just saying that to get us to send a tech. Last I heard, she filed a complaint against me for sending the cops, but nothing ever came of it so I don’t know. Honestly, I’m so glad I got out of there.

He’s Got Much Bigger Disconnection Issues

, , | Romantic | May 23, 2022

While working in a call center for a large television provider, I got this call.

Customer: “Hi. My name is [Customer], and I want to know why my TV isn’t working.”

I took his information and reviewed his account.

Me: “Sir, I show your status as disconnected.”

Customer: “I didn’t ask to have my service disconnected!”

I dug a little deeper into the notes my coworker had left on this account the day before and, reading the notes out loud, discovered that the man’s wife had called to shut off the service because she was starting the process of divorce.

I have never heard a man’s heart break before then or since. I have also learned to process what I am reading before I speak so I can be more tactful in how I deliver such information.

Robots Have Feelings, Too!

, , , | Right | May 11, 2022

This happens in the cable company call center a lot. Our system does auto-dials to people who are behind on payment enough to be disconnected soon. Frequently, the customer will pick up, the agent will speak, and the customer will let out a long string of expletives only to be met with:

Agent: “I’m sorry you feel that way; I’m really just trying to make a living and also help you not lose your cable/Internet service.”

The customer will hang up in embarrassment and then call back later and get a different agent.

Never assume it’s a robot, people.

If You Want It, You’re Gonna Pay For It

, , , , , , | Right | March 16, 2022

I was a customer service representative in the billing department for a TV provider. I would get dirty old men calling after a certain hour asking me to read the titles of the movies playing on the adult channels.

To my credit, I would often turn it into them paying for a three-hour block of unlimited access to the adult channels, which was a sale we were rewarded for!