Wish You Could Chew This Customer Out

, , , , | Right | September 12, 2020

Me: “Hello, this is [Doctor]’s office. How may I help you?”

All I hear are very loud chewing and crunching noises. I wait for a half a minute, in case the caller was just finishing up a quick snack before they called.

Me: “Hello? Are you there? Can you hear me?”

Nope, still eating. I wait another half minute. The whole time, the caller doesn’t say anything but keeps eating. The sounds are making me feel nauseated, but I don’t want to just hang up on them.

Me: “Would you like to call back when you’re finished with your lunch?”

The caller chews faster and then swallows very audibly.

Caller: “No, thanks, I’m done now!”

The phone number to this office doesn’t have a hold queue, and most of the regular patients, including the one who called, are aware of this. I get that people are busy and can only call the doctor during their lunch break, but there is no excuse for calling while you’re in the middle of eating.

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When Will Hagglers Learn This Will Never Work?

, , , , , | Right | August 3, 2020

An older man comes into the grooming department of our pet store as I have just finished grooming a dog, so I come up to see how I can help him.

Man: “How much do you charge for Schnauzers?”

Me: “Oh, about [fairly standard price for a small dog], and that includes the nails, bath, and the whole haircut.”

The man makes a gruff face.

Man: “That’s really expensive!”

Me: *With a small smile* “Oh, actually, we’re on the average to low end for the area.”

Man: “Where I go, it’s [price], and they do the bath and everything!”

His price is absurdly low, half of what I quoted him. I give him a wide but very bland smile, using a tactic I’ve often heard works with hagglers.

Me: “Oh, that sounds like a great price. I’d stick with that.”

The man huffs a bit and leaves the salon and the store. I’m still holding the dog I just finished and am just about to call his owners when the store manager walks in. 

Me: *Jokingly* “Hey, [Manager], I guess we’re really expensive for Schnauzers.”

Manager: “You were talking to the old guy? I just spent forever helping him find that forty-foot tie out. He said it was too expensive, as well, and he called me a cheap bastard because the store didn’t have a wheelchair for him to use.” *Frowns* “Hey, he just walked out without paying for that product!”

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The Weird Adventures Of Brenda The Desperado

, , , | Right | July 6, 2020

I see a lot of interesting people in my store. I’m a fairly new employee and this is only my second week working there. It’s about two in the morning and I’m just kind of messing around and taking sips off a nasty new Coke product. 

In comes the most intriguing man ever. From the top down, he has a cowboy hat, long hair and beard, white denim jacket, tie-dye shirt, white jeans, and expensive snakeskin cowboy boots. He’s perusing for a bit and I’m expecting something outrageous to happen. I notice he has a revolver on his hip, and I get a little scared. 

He grabs two bottles of wine and some jerky. He brings them to the register and points through an overhead cigarette rack to a pack of Lucky Strikes — a weird non-filter cigarette brand I know was popular during the Second World War. I ring him up and tell him his total. He rifles through a wallet full of Monopoly money and foreign currency but decides to use his card. Card approved.

I start bagging his stuff and he’s just eyeing me. It kind of feels like he’s examining me for some sort of reaction. I make eye contact a couple of times and feel very small. His eyes are piercing me. 

I give him his bags and receipts and he actually starts talking, drumming up a casual conversation about concentration camps.

Actual quotes.

Cowboy: “Do you subscribe to the idea of Holocaust denial?”

Me: “Uh…”

Cowboy: “Hitler was an evil man. But he wasn’t so clever as to fake his death camps.”

Me: “Definitely not clever.”

Cowboy: “Would you be able to do it?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Cowboy: “Fake a concentration camp for fake political fulfillment.”

Me: “I mean, no. I work at a convenience store.”

Cowboy: “Hitler was a painter and half a eunuch. You have your balls, right?”

Me: “Uh…”

The cowboy nods politely and begins to leave. 

Me: “What’s your name, sir?”

Cowboy: “Call me Brenda.”

This man comes in twice a week and hasn’t spoken a word since. I love my job.


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Unfiltered Story #199899

, , , | Unfiltered | July 5, 2020

(I work at a seasonal Halloween store, and we do an annual donation drive for childrens Hospitals. The customer has come up to the register and he looks antsy)
Me: and how much would you like to donate to (local hospital)?
Man: Ah, how about this *puts 30 dollars on the counter* put the change into your little charity.
Me: ok, would you like your- um, Sir?
(I trail off because he is leaving, without taking his recipt or even before I can process his payment. Since he didn’t fill out his donation sticker, I wrote in “Dude that left before I could give him his recipt or finalize his payment”)

An Apologetic Customer Is Never Eggs-pected

, , , , | Right | June 28, 2020

I am shopping at the local farmer’s market and my last stop is the stand where I usually buy eggs. The lady who runs the stand is always incredibly patient and nice, and let’s just say I am being an airhead this day.

Me: “Hello. I’d like a dozen eggs, please.”

Farmer: “Oh, I’m sorry. I only have a half-dozen eggs.”

I stupidly think she means she has only half-cartons.

Me: “That’s okay; I’ll just take two of those.”

Farmer: *Hesitates* “Um, no, I mean that I literally only have six eggs.”

She pulls out her last carton, opens it, and shows me that there are only six eggs inside.

Farmer: “The last person only bought six and this was my last carton.”

Me: “Oh, my God, I am so stupid. Sorry about that, and thank you very much!”

I left rather embarrassed, and without any eggs.

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