Rambling Abhors A Vacuum

, , , , | Right | November 13, 2017

(I am helping a customer who is about 60 years old and has been rambling about this television series for 20 minutes.)

Me: *to another customer passing by* “Are you doing all right tonight?”

Customer #2: “Actually, I’m looking for a really small vacuum.”

Me: “Let me show you where those are!”

Customer #1: “Oh, I’m rambling.” *he leaves*

Me: “Here they are. I can find someone that knows this area a little better for you.”

Customer #2: “Oh, I don’t need a vacuum. I just wanted to save you from that man.”

(This was by far the best customer interaction I have ever had!)

We’re Not Toying With You Anymore

, , , , , | Romantic | September 22, 2017

(My boyfriend is the bad customer in this story. We’re picking up a few things for our dog at a pet store when he comes across an aisle of squeaky dog toys and gleefully begins “testing” each one, squeezing it once or twice before moving on to the next one.)

Me: “Do you have any idea how annoying you’re being?”

Boyfriend: “Hey, I just want to know what they all sound like so we can pick out the best one.” *continues squeezing the toys*

Me: “She doesn’t need any new toys, and anyway, they all sound the same. Don’t be rude to the people who work here.”

Boyfriend: “Whatever, they can probably just tune it out. They won’t mind.”

(I’m about to say something else, when an employee approaches with a forced-looking smile. Having worked retail myself, I know a “customer service” smile when I see one.)

Employee: “Do you guys need help finding anything?”

Me: “No, thanks; we’re just about done. Is he driving you all crazy?”

Employee: *still smiling* “I really can’t answer that honestly.”

(I turned back to my boyfriend with a smirk. He blushed, immediately let go of the toy he had been squeaking, and walked quickly towards the registers.)

Wants To See People In Their Totality

, , , , , | Right | September 8, 2017

(Living in Portland, my job has had a massive influx of people trying to get a better look at the 2017 solar eclipse. Most have come very early to avoid traffic, and many are trying to find something to do while they wait. Two days before the eclipse, I have this interaction:)

Me: “Hi, do you have [rewards card]?”

Customer: “No, we’re just in town for the week. You know, the eclipse. Do you like bouncy balls?”

Me: “Uh, sure.”

Customer: “Well, here’s a bouncy ball I had left over.” *holds up a bouncy ball*

Me: “Ah, thanks.”

Customer: “But in exchange, you have to tell me the name of the best strip club in town.”

Me: “…Uh, dunno.”

Customer: “They all that bad?”

Me: “No, that’s just not my thing.”

Customer: “So… you’re…?”

Me: “Nope. Straight.”

Customer: “…So, then—”

Me: “Here’s your receipt, sir, have a nice day.”

Helping To Increase Bacon Awareness

, , , , | Right | August 24, 2017

(This exchange occurs at a popular sandwich shop as I a start my order.)

Employee: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. I’m sorry to tell you that we’re out of meatballs, bacon, and cucumbers.”

Me: “Well, that sucks. Let me guess, you’ve gotten yelled at a bunch of times by customers thinking it’s your fault.”

Employee: “Once or twice, but it’s almost closing time and we get a new delivery tomorrow, so it hasn’t been too bad.”

Me: “That’s good. What are you out of again?”

Employee: “Meatballs, bacon, and cucumbers.”

Me: “Is any of that on the Chicken, Bacon, Ranch?”

Employee: *pauses* “Uh, yeah. The bacon.”

Me: “Oh, god, I’m one of THOSE customers.”

(I ended up ordering a different sandwich, and the employee had a good laugh at how tired I was.)

They’re Bus-ted

, , , , , | Working | August 18, 2017

(I work as a receptionist in an office building. Usually when I see an employee running through the lobby to the door it’s because they’re running for a bus.)

Employee: *running through lobby*

Me: “Good luck!”

Employee: *pauses and looks over at me*

Me: “With catching your bus. Sorry, it looked like you were running for one.”

Employee: “Oh, right.” *continues running out the door.*

(A few minutes go by and the employee comes back inside.)

Employee: “It’s all your fault.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Employee: “You distracted me and I missed by bus by 15 seconds.”

(The employee laughed to let me know he was joking and hung out in the lobby making small talk with me for 10 minutes until he had to leave for the next one.)

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