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Surf Those Metal Waves… But Be Careful

, , , , , , , , | Healthy | July 18, 2022

I work security for a music venue, and since I’m one of the older guys, I usually get to roam the floor, but this day was different. I was stationed in the barricade between the crowd and the stage. The crowd started funneling in and filling up the space by the barricade immediately. I noticed that the crowd seemed to be older metal fans, so we didn’t expect it to get too rowdy.

The first act went on and the crowd was headbanging and lightly mosh-pitting along. Well, that didn’t sit well with the singer, so before the last song, he told the crowd to kick it up because security were his friends and they needed to earn their pay. Immediately, a guy crowd surfed to the front. I caught him and let him go.

The singer commented, “That’s what I’m talking about!” and then started their last song.

My coworker and I were almost overrun by crowd surfers, but we kept up until halfway through the song when a crowd surfer with no shirt, slick with sweat, came over and got shifted to the right at the last push of the crowd, and thus, we were out of position to catch him. He proceeded to fall through my coworker’s hands and hit my knee and bend it a little backward. I screamed, fell forward, hit my other knee against the barricade, and fell to the ground. Before my coworkers could help me out of the way, I got my head stepped on by a crowd surfer.

They wanted to try and stand me up, but I made them pull me out to the side. Once I calmed down a little, I noticed my knee didn’t hurt, so I tried to stand, but my right knee wouldn’t hold and I fell back down.

An ambulance was called, and the poor paramedics that showed up couldn’t lift my rather large self onto the gurney. I pulled myself up with the barricade enough to get the gurney under me and was wheeled out of the venue, to the cheers of the crowd. That was the first time I ever had a crowd cheer for me.

I ended up missing a week of work due to a hyperextension/sprain of my right knee, and then I was put on light duty for another week. But the venue changed their policy on crowd surfers to where you can once, but if you are caught again, you are kicked out.

Not Remotely Paying Attention

, , , , , | Right | June 22, 2022

User: “Can you remote in and authorize an update to my software?”

Me: “Yeah, sure, you want me to do that now?”

User: “Um, have a meeting in two minutes. I’ll text you after.”

Me: “Okay, no problem.”

Two hours later:

User: “I’m ready now. Go for it.”

Me: *In someone else’s computer already* “Oh, okay, hang on a sec.”

I remote into her computer also.

Me: “Okay, just start your installation and I’ll enter admin credentials when it asks.”

The user starts the update, downloading… popup for admin credentials… She CLOSES IT. She gets an error. She tries again, gets the admin credentials popup… and CLOSES IT AGAIN.

Me: “Why did you close that; I was about to put in the credentials!”

User: “Oh… I didn’t know you were in.”

Sadly, Their Brain Is Just Syrup

, , , , , , | Right | April 27, 2022

I’m a barista at an independent café. A customer that I recognize comes in; she always orders the same drink.

Me: “Hello! Are you getting your blended mocha with soy milk?”

Customer: “Yes, and this time, I’d like to try it with peppermint syrup, as well.”

Me: “Sure thing! That will be $5.25.”

Customer: “What? My drink is always $4.75!”

Me: “Yes, but this time you are adding an additional flavor, which costs $0.50 extra.”

Customer: “But I always get the same drink!”

Me: “Yes, your usual blended mocha with soy milk is $4.75, but you ordered it with peppermint, which is a $0.50 upcharge, for a total of $5.25.”

She paid with a huff and sat down to wait, occasionally looking up to glare at me. She began to type furiously on her phone.

Sure enough, when I checked our reviews after my shift, she had given us two stars. Her review said, “Their coffee is great! It is frustrating when you come in and get the same drink often but the prices change every time you come in. Makes me not want to come in anymore knowing I could pay more or less depending on how they ring it up that day.”


Living In Their Own Little Bubbles

, , , , | Right | April 14, 2022

I’m working as a barista. My coworker spots a woman outside who is making her way over to our doors. Before she comes in, my coworker whispers to me that this particular customer often complains about her drinks.

Me: “Welcome to [Coffee Shop]! What can I get started for you?”

Customer: “I’ll have a medium latte with extra foam.”

After ringing her up, I begin to make her coffee. The milk steams up beautifully and makes a nice layer of foam on her latte. I’m pleased with how well the drink came out. I hand the woman her order and go back to my station. I glance over at her and notice that she is staring at her drink without taking a sip.

Me: “Ma’am, is everything okay with your latte?”

Customer: “Well… it’s just that when [Owner] makes my latte, there are usually more bubbles in the foam.”

Me: “I’m sorry, would you like me to remake it for you? I can make your latte with even more foam if you would like!”

Customer: “No, the foam is fine, but when [Owner] makes it there are more bubbles.”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t want your drink remade? [Owner] isn’t here today, but [Coworker] or I can happily make the latte to your liking.”

Customer: “No, no…” *Sadly takes a sip of her latte*

Unsure of what to do, I tell her that if she changes her mind to please let us know. She eventually finishes her drink and starts to leave.

Me: “Have a good day!”

Customer: *Sighs* “It’s just that [Owner] always makes it with more bubbles…”

Why complain if you won’t let us try to fix it for you? Later, when I spoke to [Owner] about her, he said she always picks something arbitrary to complain about!

This Toddler Is A Whole Mood

, , , , , , | Working | December 3, 2021

I am working at home while trying to manage my young children during the health crisis. I hear the doorbell ring and look through the peephole to see a salesman who has ignored the “No Soliciting” sign as well as our local Stay At Home orders. He sees movement and begins to knock as well as ring the doorbell. I sigh and begin to look for a mask when my three-year-old, already masked, opens the door by himself.

Three-Year-Old: “Are you Amazon?”

Salesman: “No.”

My three-year-old slammed the door, and the salesman walked away!