Next Caller Is From The Read Digest

, , , , | Working | April 5, 2018

(I’m having a pint when my phone rings. That’s unusual enough, and the caller ID says that it’s from Jamaica, of all places. Hmm, that’s not suspicious at all. The chances of this being a scam rise to 100% at the caller’s first badly-accented words, but I resist the urge to hang up for a moment.)

Scammer: “Hi. My name is Arthur Winters, and I am calling from the Publish Clearing House company.”

Me: “Can you say that name again?”

Scammer: “Yes. My name is Arthur Winters, and I am calling from the Publish Clearing House company.”

Me: “You mean the Publishers Clearing House.”

Scammer: “What?”

Me: “The company; it’s the Publishers Clearing House.”

Scammer: “Yes, I am from the Publish Clearing House.”

Me: “Yes, dear, but that’s not the name of that company. It’s okay. Come on. Say it with me—”

Scammer: *swears at himself and hangs up*

(Poor guy sounds like he’s going to have a tough time at this.)

Digging For Personal Details

, , , , | Right | April 5, 2018

(I work for a call center that sends utility companies to mark where their public underground lines are, so that people can dig and not hit gas lines. We have to get the information about the place where callers are digging, naturally, so that we can pass on that info.)

Me: “What is the address or street name where you’ll be digging?”

Caller: “Why do you need that?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “I said, why do you need my address?”

Me: “I need the address where you want the utility companies to mark their lines.”

Caller: “You don’t need to know that. You’re not the one marking the lines, are you?”

Me: “Um…”

Caller: “Are you?”

Me: “No, but I need it so I can give it to the utility companies so that they know where to go.”

Caller: “You don’t need my address, then. The utility people are the ones who need it, right?”

Me: *at a complete loss for words*

Caller: “Screw this. I’m not giving you my private information. I just need them to mark my lines.” *hangs up*

(I wonder how that worked out for him.)

Unfiltered Story #108152

, , | Unfiltered | March 30, 2018

(My friend and I our browsing on one isle, on the next isle is a couple and their child. They start to leave the isle as I walk around the corner into that isle. I see a coffee cup left behind on the shelf)

Me: (to my friend) I hate when people just leave their trash laying around. Cant they clean up after themselves.

(the lady that was just in the isle comes back)

Lady: oh, that was mine, (grabs cup and walks off)

Me: (to my friend) Oops I just publicly shamed someone .

Chivalry Means Buying The Sex Toys

, , , , , , | Romantic | March 9, 2018

(After seeing a scene in the last “Fifty Shades” movie:)

Husband: “Do you think he buys all new toys with each girl?”

Me: “I mean, to be fair, he can afford to.”

Husband: “But isn’t that part of his dominance? Like these are his tools and he uses them on everyone?”

Me: “Possibly, since he wasn’t serious with his previous girls.”

Husband: “And now?”

Me: “Listen. When you get married, you buy all new butt plugs!”

When Fast Food Isn’t

, , , , , | Right | February 11, 2018

(I am in line at a fast food restaurant. At the moment, it is very busy, but there is only one employee available to take orders. The customer in front of me has two very hyper children with her.)

Employee: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Uh, how much is the number one?”

Employee: “The sandwich is [price], or the meal is [higher price].”

Customer: “How much is the number two?”

(This repeats pretty much exactly for most of the menu, despite the prices being clearly written on the menu displayed over the registers.)

Customer: “Okay. Can I get the number three, just the sandwich, and two small number fours?”

Employee: “Will that be all for you today?”

Customer: “Actually, can you replace the number three with a number two? And one of the number fours with a number six? Actually, they can just share my fries; make the numbers four and six just a sandwich, and the number two a large. Oh, and no onions or pickles on the number four.”

Employee: “Okay, will that be all?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Employee: “Okay, that’ll be [total].”

(The woman then proceeds to dump a small pile of coins onto the counter and count out the price in quarters, dimes, and nickels. The line has doubled in length since she started her order. As she does so, another order comes available and the customer goes to grab their bag. Before she can, one of the children tries to grab the bag off the counter.)

Other Customer: “Ma’am, if you can’t control your spawn, maybe you should keep them at home. That’s the third time I’ve seen them try to steal somebody else’s food, and that’s not okay.”

(The woman ignored him, of course. Luckily, her order was to go, and she took her children with her. How the employee didn’t lose his temper, I’ll never know.)

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