Parenting May Make You Cry

, , , , , | Related | May 18, 2020

My niece takes a class in high school where you’re given a robotic baby that cries and records when you feed it, change it, turn it off, or whatever. For the most part, the baby is really easy. On the last night, however…

It’s around two in the morning. My mom and I are both night owls, so we go to the kitchen for a snack. My niece is still awake, and it’s a school night… and the robot baby has been crying for hours.

Niece: “This isn’t like a real baby! Real babies go to sleep!”

My mom and I start laughing.

Me: “You’ve never heard of colic?!”

Mom: “Your father didn’t stop crying or sleep through the night for two years! And I had to take your brother twice a week so your mom could get some sleep since he was making her sick with exhaustion!”

Four years later, my niece got married and had a baby. The baby is a year old and still hasn’t slept through the night. I guess real babies don’t stop crying, either!

He doesn’t cry all day and is super adorable. He just doesn’t sleep through the night.

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Yes, They HAVE Tried Turning It Off And On Again

, , , , , , | Right | May 17, 2020

I work in IT for a retail company. With quarantine stuff going on, our stores are closed, but we still have a massive online presence and the salespeople are encouraged to reach out to their customers and offer items, make sales, etc.

Because of this, we’ve had an uptick in the number of salespeople who are calling to reset their passwords for one of the selling systems. IT doesn’t have the ability, for various reasons, to reset this particular password; for this one, we can only walk the users through resetting it.

I get a call from a user who’s trying to do this on her cell phone.

Me: “If it’s asking you to register, you’re following the wrong path. You’ll need to go back to the sign-in.”

User: “How do I do that?”

Me: “Hit the back button on your browser.”

User: “I don’t have a browser; I’m on an iPhone.”

Me: *Facepalm* “Browser is how you access the Internet. So, the page you’re on is in the browser. Do you have a back button or an arrow?”

User: “Oh, I think I got it.”


User: “I turned my iPhone on and off.”

Me: *Head-desk*

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Get Behind Me, School Supplies!

, , , , , , | Right | May 16, 2020

We are nearing the beginning of the school year and I have a lady come up who is just livid — not with me or the store, but with the school.

Customer: “This is just stupid! Get this! I am paying for my child to go to [Private School], it costs a fortune, and they’re making me buy school supplies! This is just stupid!”

I finish ringing up her order. I look at the total and then look back to her.

Me: “This wouldn’t happen to be a Catholic School, would it?”

Customer: “Yeah. Why?”

Me: “Well, your total is… $6.66.”

The customer stares for a moment and then laughs.

Customer: “I think I need to buy a candy bar now.”

This story is featured in our Religious Customers roundup!

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Unfiltered Story #194375

, , , | Unfiltered | May 16, 2020

I worked as manager for a company providing reporting help to Fortune 500 companies.

We had a client complain that a report was never completing, when it worked fine before. I had them sent me the code. After looking at it, we called them.

Me: About this report you are doing, it is impossible. The logic is flawed. It won’t give you good answers.

Them: But it did!

Me: You are just joining every record in one table to an unrelated table, you will get bad answers! Do you want us to re-write this for you?

Them: No!! We like this report!! Just make it work!

Me: Well, you may have to get your DBA to make system diagnosis reports and system changes so you can run it.

DBA: I don’t know how to.

Despite my policy of never logging into a customer’s computer, the founder of the company(!!) had to log in and try to make their computer effient enough to run this crazy report. I don’t think he ever did.

I’m Still Jenny From The Checkout

, , , , | Right | May 15, 2020

I am ringing up a mother and son. The son is about four or five, and he just keeps staring at me with these huge eyes. As I finish ringing up their items, the little boy does that little-kid loud whisper.

Boy: “Mommy, she’s pretty like Jennifer Lopez!”

Me: “Oh, my gosh, he’s already doing the good lies! He’s going to be a heartbreaker!”

I was so flattered! He just made my day!

This story was included in our May 2020 Inspirational Roundup.

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