If The Shoe Fits…

, , , | Right | August 6, 2018

(I go to a store in the mall to buy shoes. I know exactly what I’m looking for and buying. I grab the shoe I’m purchasing and walk up to the counter to get my size.)

Me: “Hello, can I get this in [my size], please?”

Employee: “Sure! Will that be all for today?”

Me: “Yep, that’s it! Thank you.”

(There is another customer lurking near the counter, looking relatively confused. She walks up to the employee who is helping me, who hasn’t had the chance to go and get the shoes I’m purchasing.)

Customer: “I would like to speak with your manager, please.”

Employee: “I actually am the manager; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I would like you to know that I have been standing here for twenty minutes, and not a single employee has come forward to ask me if I need any help.”

Employee: “I apologize for the inconvenience. Let me go get her shoes and I will be right out to help you.”

Customer: *getting angry* “You know what? Forget about it. Obviously you are looking at the people who you can get the most money out of; you are looking for a specific ‘type’ of person. I will have you know that I have more money than anyone else in this store, and you have just lost my business! I have more money that you could make in your entire life!”

Employee: “I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am.”

(I hand off my shoes to another employee.)

Employee #2: *ringing up my purchase* “I apologize for that; it doesn’t happen often.”

Me: “That’s all right. I’ve dealt with a lot worse, since I work in food service!”

Are you often annoyed by people? Well, misery loves company. Join us at our Antisocial collection in the NAR Store!

Sales… Uh… End?

, , , , | Right | August 2, 2018

Coworker: “Good morning. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yesterday the roses were buy-one-get-one-free.”

Coworker: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Customer: “But now they’re $12.99 a piece.”

Coworker: “Yes.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. Yesterday they were buy-one-get-one-free.”

Coworker: “Yes.”

Customer: “But today they’re $12.99 a piece.”

Coworker: “Yes.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. Yesterday they were buy-one-get-one-free.”

(And this went on for another seven minutes as the customer kept repeating the same thing over and over and the cashier answered, “Yes.” But she never asked a question… so we don’t know if she wanted to know why they were on sale for $12.99, or why they weren’t buy-one-get-one-free anymore.)

Unfiltered Story #117799

, , | Unfiltered | August 1, 2018

I had a couple argue with me for a good ten minutes today at work because the yellow highlighters were not yellow enough… Then after I got them to let go of the fact that most highlighters nowadays are no longer “yellow”, but “florescent yellow”, they then argued that two different yellow highlighters, of the same brand, would be two wildly different colors because the plastic pen bodies were slightly different shades of “yellow”. Even after guaranteeing and swearing on my mother’s life that they were exactly the same, I actually had to open both packs and show them that they were in fact, surprise surprise, the same color. This was all after they had started our interaction in a way, that outside of work, would have gotten anyone punched in the face and given a lesson on not being a bigoted asshat. They engaged me in the mini hell tornado by asking me where the “non-queer” highlighters were and when I asked for clarification, thinking I must have heard them wrong, they told me that they wanted just old fashioned yellow and not all those “fruity” colors. I almost told them to go the hell back to whatever Bible Belt state they came from and that they could buy there highlighters at the darn Staples there, but I managed to be painfully pleasant and walk them through the most painful $30 sale of my life. Next time someone asks about highlighters I’m faking my own death right there on the sales floor.

Not The Usual Carrot You Dangle With A Stick

, , , , , | Learning | July 31, 2018

(I’m in high school. I’m in line for lunch when I hear the two people in front of me have this conversation:)

Person #1: “You get marijuana for medical reasons, right?”

Person #2: “Yeah, why?”

Person #1: “Can you get me some?”

Person #2: “Dude, no, I can’t do that.”

Person #1: “What if I give you extra carrots?”

(You’re only allowed up to two fruit or veggie sides, but people often sneak extras.)

Person #2: *pause* “Fine.”

(I saw the first guy toss the second one a packet of baby carrots after they got their pizza. Unless that was some inside joke they had, I witnessed someone trade marijuana for a few overripe baby carrots.)

She’s Only Half Right

, , , , , , | Right | July 25, 2018

(I am working in the meat department of a well-known organic food store. A customer comes up and inquires about the chickens in the display case. Note: these are raw, fully plucked, very dead chickens. They are pasture-raised and humanely killed.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I need a chicken.”

Me: “Sure, I can get that wrapped up for you! Which one would you like?”

Customer: “These are all too big; it’s just me at home. Aren’t there any smaller ones?”

Me: “They don’t get much smaller than this, but I can offer you half of a chicken, instead.”

Customer: “Half… half of a chicken? They come in halves?”

Me: “Yes, it’s quite simple. I’ll take care of it right now!”

(I grab a chicken from the case and walk to the cutting board. I cut the chicken neatly in half along the spine using a meat cleaver and mallet. Then, I take the two halves back to the customer so she can choose which she liked.)

Me: “Which half would you like?”

Customer: “You just cut it in half… Right in half! With a knife and a hammer!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s pretty simple to do. You could even do it at home if you—”

(She cuts me off.)

Customer: “No! That was cruel. I don’t want it anymore! That was cruel! That poor chicken. You split it right in half with a hammer and knife!”

(She marched indignantly away, while I stood there, flabbergasted and holding the two halves of the chicken.)

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