This happened when I was in my late twenties and was working as a wireman and moonlighting as a mechanic. As a result of my two jobs and a few other factors, I have ended up with a key ring to put a janitor to shame. Apparently, this would come into play later on.

After a particularly long day, I went to a large retail chain to pick up a few things, and I wandered back toward the electronics part of the store. I was standing there with my earbuds in, listening to music, and looking for a replacement phone case when this lady walked up and stood halfway between being next to me and being behind me. I was in my own little world comparing cases, and by a habit I picked up when I was a librarian’s assistant, I was also putting random cases back where they belonged while trying to find what I needed.

This lady started rattling away about something that I couldn’t hear, and after saying something to get my attention a couple of times, she tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around, removing one earbud so I could hear her.

Lady: “Where are the [item]s?”

Me: “I have no idea.”

And I went back to what I was doing. This apparently did not sit well with this lady, and she stormed off to find the manager.

Some twenty minutes later, I found my way to the camping section for some other item I needed. From the far end of the aisle, here came the lady from before with a poor, befuddled manager in tow, pointing me out, and squawking away about something I couldn’t hear. As they approached, I saw that the woman was pointing at me, and the manager took over, finally putting on his big boy pants. Again, I removed my earbuds to see what they had come to disturb me with.

Manager: “Why did you refuse to help this woman earlier?”

Me: “It’s not my job to help someone find something they can’t find on their own.”

Apparently, this was the wrong reply, and he proceeded to chew me up one side and down the other.

At that point, I had realized what was going on, and I halfway played along while trying to contain my fitful laughter.

Manager: “You need to turn your keys in. You are suspended until further notice!”

After a flippant and dismissive comment from me, the manager then proceeded to do his best impression of a cartoon character’s volcanic explosion of anger and let loose.

Manager: “You are fired, effective immediately! You can no longer apply to work for any [Store] ever again!”

I could no longer contain myself and started laughing hysterically.

Me: “I don’t work here!”

Manager: “Of course you don’t! I just fired you!”

Me: “Let me clarify: I have never worked for [Store], ever. I’ve never even applied.”

At this stage, the lady had turned several shades of embarrassed red, and the manager had joined her, his anger fleeing faster than a track star when he realized his mistake.

Still giggling uncontrollably, I grabbed my cart and strolled away while she proceeded to dole out apologies for the entire affair.

I used to work in a bank. We had a… difficult client who came out of the woodwork about something that had happened two years before, at a completely different branch, trying to blame us. It’s a long he-said-she-said, but he threatened legal action, and we cut contact.

He kept calling various departments and screaming until his calls were escalated. For some reason, that escalated person would ignore all notes, contact the branch, and go:

Escalated Employee: “I have [Client] on the line, and he says you ignore all his phone calls?”

Me: *For the fifteenth time* “He threatened legal action and we cut all contact. He was told he has to go through legal channels now.”

Escalated Employee: “Oh, okay!”

And then they’d get back to me later and go:

Escalated Employee: “He said he didn’t mean it.”

That doesn’t matter. As soon as you threaten legal action, you’re stuck there!

Unfortunately, I left the bank and therefore didn’t see the conclusion.

Related:
Do You Ever Wish You Could Fire A Customer?

I work in an Indian cuisine restaurant. [Coworker #1] is a bit of a stoner, though she works fast and well… when she actually comes to work. I am scheduled with her and [Coworker #2] one night. I arrive at work at 5:00 to start setting up expo, making sure the bar is stocked and ready, and finishing any cleaning that wasn’t done at lunch.

I’m getting annoyed, since [Coworker #1] and [Coworker #2] still haven’t shown up; they live together, so they carpool. I’ve done all the set-up, but I’ve got no one in for the dinner rush. So far, it’s just a couple of takeout orders, so it’s no big deal.  

The clock ticks, and suddenly, it’s 6:00. What was just a few orders has climbed exponentially. People are showing up to be sat and I’m scrambling like a madwoman.

The sous-chef calls me over to the pass.

Sous-Chef: “Hey, [My Name], who’s working with you today?” 

I tell him. He swears in Spanish and goes to find the chef. 

[Chef] comes barrelling out of the kitchen two seconds later, looking around.

Chef: “Where are [Coworker #1] and [Coworker #2]?”

Me: “I have no clue.”

More swearing. He then thunders into the back.

About half an hour later, the lunch manager shows up, looking frazzled. Now, this guy is awesome, and I love working with him because he gets things done. The restaurant has filled up at this point. I have five takeout orders on the pass and more people trying to flag me down with their orders.

Not even stopping to change into his work shirt, [Lunch Manager] barrels in and starts taking orders and pouring drinks while I try to catch up.

A woman and her husband walked in a couple minutes before [Lunch Manager] showed up, and they are glaring at me, tapping their feet. They have menus and water, and I check with them when [Lunch Manager] gets there to see if they need anything.

Woman: “No, we’re still looking at the menu, but you could get us some naan while we figure it out.”

I punch in a naan, and literally the second it comes up to the window and I’m walking it to their table, they get up.  

Woman: “We’re leaving. We didn’t get any SERVICE!”

Now, I have to void their order. Sigh. 

[Lunch Manager] looks at them calmly as they leave and then turns to me and shakes his head. 

Lunch Manager: “They sat for five minutes with a menu and then left after telling you to get them naan. There are people who have waited longer and are behaving better. If the evening manager gives you any trouble, have her talk to me.”

He then voided the couple’s order, and I got a free snack out of it. I swear, restaurants bring out the worst in people. Oh, and [Coworker #1] AND [Coworker #2] were let go due to this being the last in a string of no-call/no-shows. Looks like we’ll be hiring again.

I work for a customer assistance call center. Customers call in with questions, and we call back with answers.

I had one client who, somehow, kept getting put on my schedule to call back, and her question had nothing to do with our company. I told her three times that we only help with matters related to our products. Finally, I asked her to stop calling and wasting our time.

She showed up on my schedule again, and I simply skipped her and called the next. This happened a few times. I did eventually learn why she gravitated to me: a few coworkers of mine had conspired to get her switched to my schedule as a “prank”.

A manager came to me with concerns and said that I should be calling the client back to answer, even though it was a waste of time. So, I called the number listed… and a fax machine screamed very loudly into my ear at the other end. It hurt.

I grabbed the manager and demonstrated that the client’s listed number was now linked to a fax machine. I also requested a medical day off due to ear pain from this event.

The manager was quite upset to learn about this prank. When I got back to the office, he told me that he had tracked down the client’s original number and called her up to let her know, in no uncertain terms, that if she ever played a fax machine prank like that, he would press charges.

(He had the police swing around to her house to talk to her, as well, but the police said a single time wasn’t enough to prove intent to harm.)

He also instructed the office to simply cancel any call-back appointments in the client’s name if she called in again.

She’s the first — and so far only — person that we’ve banned from service.

My coworkers who were attempting to prank me by repeatedly putting her into my queue were written up by Human Resources. I was also interviewed by HR as they were worried that the workplace was toxic for me due to this “prank”.

I worked for a telemarketing company that sold a satellite radio service to people who had free trials or already had it to get them to renew.

I was on the phone with one woman for about a half-hour explaining that I wasn’t the cable company or her credit card company. I sold her a $300 (more with taxes) package. At the end of the conversation, she asked:

Customer: “Am I all caught up with my credit card payments now?”

I re-explained who I was working with and what she just dropped a bunch of money on.

Customer: “Oh, will I get HBO now?”

I again explained who I was and so on.

Customer: “Oh. Well, I’m sure I need this anyway. Thank you so much!”

I felt so bad for taking her money. That’s not the dumbest I’ve dealt with, but it stuck with me because she was so nice about her stupidity that it made me feel bad.