Normally, I’m kind and never act like an entitled customer, but this time, I just couldn’t help myself.

It was a sunny day, one of the hottest that summer, and my wife and I had been visiting a close-by city. We had our dog in the back of the car, and our car is black, so it gets hot very quickly in the sun. My wife asked me to drop her off at a shop to make a quick visit for something.

Me: “Okay. I’ll try to find a shady place to wait. Call me when you’re finished.”

There was a shady spot along the wall of another shop on the other side of the parking lot, but the area along the wall was marked with white lines meaning “no parking”. And the parking area itself had a four-hour limit.

I believed I could park the car in the shadow and wait for a few minutes without annoying anyone, so I parked the car, rolled the windows down, and stopped the engine.

After a couple of minutes, a young man exited the shop and went to a car parked near me. I realized my car was in his way, so I reversed a couple of meters. The man unlocked his car, looked at me, and walked over.

I could see by his clothes that he was some kind of manager in the shop.

Man: “You can’t park there!”

My goal was to remain in the shadow for a couple more minutes, so I decided to play a game: “How long can I stay?”

Me: “I can’t?”

Man: “No! Didn’t you see the markings?”

During the whole conversation, I was calm and smiling.

Me: “You see, I just want to remain in the shadows for a couple of minutes while my wife is shopping. I have a dog in my car, and it’s really hot.”

Man: “Doesn’t matter. You can’t park here.”

Me: “But shouldn’t the marking be yellow in that case?”

Man: “What?”

Me: “Normally, a no-stop zone is marked with yellow.”

Man: “Yes… But… Common sense should make you understand it’s no parking!”

Me: “May I ask, why is it not allowed to park here?”

Man: *Sighs* “There have been some minor accidents when cars parked in marked spots reversed into cars parked just here. That’s why we made that rule.”

Me: “Did you just end your shift at the store?”

He seemed surprised by my change of subject.

Man: “…ehhh, yes. Why?”

Me: “How long did you work?”

Now, he was getting agitated.

Man: “Six hours. Why are you asking?”

Me: “There’s only four-hour parking allowed here, you know.”

Man: “But I was working!”

Me: “Is it okay to bend the rules, then?”

Man: “YES!”

He was starting to get red in the face now.

Me: “Okay. Is it okay for me to park where there are no white markings?”

Man: “Yes!”

Me: “Okay, I will move the car.”

I started the engine, and the man turned around and walked to his car.

I moved the car three meters forward to be parked just outside the markings but close to the entrance. I stopped the engine and shouted:

Me: “OKAY HERE?”

He turned around, saw what I had done, and walked over again.

Man: “Are you kidding?”

Me: “You said I could park as long as there were no white markings…”

Man: “YOU CAN’T PARK HERE!”

Me: “No markings!”

He just looked at me for a couple of seconds.

Man: “You must be really stupid!”

As he said this, I spotted my wife coming out of the store and picking up her phone.

Me: “Actually, the opposite!”

The man gave me a blank stare.

Me: “During our conversation, I have been able to remain in the shadows long enough for my wife to finish shopping.”

My phone rang.

Me: “Thanks for a nice chat, and have a nice weekend!”

With a smile, I started the car and went to pick up my wife.

In my rear mirror, I could see when the man realized what I’d just done. He started shouting curses at me.

Mission accomplished: five minutes in the shadow.

This is a story told to me by one of my dad’s best friends. I’m going to call him “Bass” because that’s the instrument he plays in my dad’s band.

Some time ago, he was working for a boss who was super strict about clocking in. If you were one second late back from lunch, you were LATE.

Bass drove down to the nearest [Fast Food Place] for lunch, went through the drive-thru, and ordered a [Burger] meal, only extra pickles. Bass parked in the [Fast Food Place] parking lot to eat it, but when he opened the sandwich, it was just a regular [Burger]. He walked in and asked again for a [Burger], only extra pickles. They made him a replacement sandwich, he went out to his car and opened the wrapper, and it was once again just a regular [Burger].

Running low on time to eat lunch, Bass stormed back in, slammed the open sandwich down, and then spread it across the countertop. Then, he pointed at the mess and shouted:

Bass: “ONLY EXTRA PICKLE!”

It was made with all haste. He ate his meal and got back to work in time.

Some years later, however, he was working a new job as a kitchen inspector. He happened to be inspecting that particular [Fast Food Place] and found a note in their break room with six words on it:

Note: “DON’T PISS OFF THE PICKLE GUY.”

I work in a copy shop. An older lady comes in once or twice a week, usually thirty minutes before close. She repeatedly insults my work and vocally expresses her feelings.

Customer: “I wish the girl who worked here before you was still around. She knew what she was doing!”

Me: “I will try to help as best as I can, ma’am.”

Customer: “I need you to bring out all of my past church flyer designs that the other girl — the one who knew what she was doing — backed up on your computers.”

Me: “Ma’am, backing up your designs is not our responsibility. We offer to back up all the work on a customer’s thumb drive or CD after we make each design. Did my previous coworker offer that to you?”

Customer: “Well, yes, but she always kept them anyway.”

Our computer has recently been reimaged, and we have literally nothing on it other than our software. I tell her this.

Customer: “No! I swear my church flyers are on there somewhere! They always are!”

I do some searches to appease her even though I know it’s gone. I seriously spend a good half-hour showing her it isn’t in ANY folder on the computer.

Customer: *Flipping out* “That other girl must have taken them so that you couldn’t mess them up or steal them!”

It’s past closing, so my manager comes over to see why I am still with a customer. The customer complains to the manager and the manager then turns to me.

Manager: “This is unacceptable, [My Name]. If the customer received a level of service with us before, then she should expect to receive the same level when she comes back.”

Me: “But we’re not responsible for—”

Manager: “Recreate the flyer for the customer so that we can hopefully retain her business.”

Me: “It’s past closing, and that would take an hour if not more. You do it.”

Manager: “Excuse me?”

Me: “I’m going home. Think about how you treat me so that you can hopefully retain my willingness to be employed by you.” 

I went home. I got written up. I quit.

Thirty years ago, I was working at the service desk of a major retail chain. A lady tried to return a package of men’s underwear. She had no receipt.

Me: “Ma’am, these have been opened. And they’re stained yellow. And there’s a [Different Chain] price tag on them. I can’t return these.”

Customer: “What?! Call your manager now!”

The manager superseded me and told me to do the return. The customer just smiled and laughed while I rang her up and gave her cash.

I am sixteen and starting a new job at a small coffee chain. This isn’t a big place with a corporate office, but instead, a small five-store chain owned by our manager.

A truly, and I mean TRULY awful customer comes in and covers the whole range of bad customer behavior — entitled, rude, belittling, impatient, miserable, you name it. My coworker makes her highly-caffeinated drink and seems to brush off her a**holery.

Me: *After she has gone* “I don’t think I’ve ever met a worse human being.”

Coworker: “Yeah, she’s far and away our worst customer. A friend of mine told me she’s been banned from [Coffee Chain], and they don’t ban anyone! She knows how to juuuuuuust get away with being an a** without breaking any rules, so we can’t ban her. But it’s okay; we have ways of dealing with her.”

Me: “Such as?”

Coworker: “She gets decaf on Mondays and Tuesdays, then regular for the rest of the week to get her used to it again before starting over the next week.”

I admit, some part of my brain finds that absolutely hilarious, but the rational part of my brain knows that isn’t okay.

Me: “Oh… wow. Look. I know she’s terrible, but you really shouldn’t give her something she didn’t order.”

Coworker: “Meh… it hasn’t killed her yet.”

Me: “I think you should stop.”

Coworker: “I’ll stop when she’s nice.”

I feel a bit conflicted about this (young, first job, lack of experience), so I ask my trainer what I should do. He says to do nothing and leave it with me.

The next week, that coworker isn’t around, and our manager calls us all over for a group chat before we open.

Manager: “Now, I know some of you heard about [Coworker], who was fired because they were giving [A**hole Customer] decaf. I know this seems unfair, but it is a BIG F****** DEAL! We must never, ever knowingly give the customer anything different from what they ordered. It’s a health code violation and a legal minefield. Customers could have allergies or health issues we don’t know about. Is that clear?”

We all nod yes.

Manager: “Good! Now, if a customer is an a**hole, there are ways to deal with them that isn’t a health code violation. You can tell them to just f*** off. Is that clear?”

We all nod yes, this time more vigorously. 

Manager: “Very good. Back to work.”

I still feel bad about what happened, but at least we got to tell that customer to her face that she had a crappy attitude. She stopped coming in after that!