I Don’t Think She Knows What A Refund Is  

, , , , , | Right | February 23, 2020

(Our cafe has fake succulents displayed on the tables. One day, we realize that some have gone missing, but we don’t really think too much of it until one day a lady comes in, fuming.)

Lady: “I demand a refund! You sold me defective goods!”

(She slams a pot of succulents on the counter.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but this is a cafe; we do not sell—”

Lady: “Oh, shut up! I took these plants from here two weeks ago and I just found out they’re fake! This is unacceptable!”

Me: *pause* “You took these from us?”

Lady: “Yes, I’m a customer and you ripped me off! Get me your manager. I want a refund!”

Me: “Ma’am, these fake plants are our decoration. They’re not for sale. You just admitted you stole these from us.”

Lady: “REFUND!”

(She threw the pot at me, soil and fake succulents and all, and stormed out. We never heard from her again.)

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Time To Stock Up On Pepper Spray

, , , , , | Romantic | February 18, 2020

(Early one winter morning, I am walking back to my apartment building after taking my son to his bus stop across the street. As I step into the parking lot, a minivan waiting to turn onto the street honks. Thinking it’s about another car, I carry on, but it honks twice quickly again. Confused, I stop, wondering if I dropped something and they’re trying to let me know. The minivan then reverses, stopping when I’m at the passenger window, which is rolled down. A slim man sits behind the wheel, looking at me expectantly.)

Man: “Hello there, I’m [Man]. I’m new to the building. What are you doing?”

(Tired and caught off guard, I reply honestly.)

Me: “Uh, I’m [My Name]. I just brought my son to the bus stop.”

(The man smiles broadly, though it doesn’t feel very friendly.)

Man: “[My Name], that is a very beautiful name. Are you married?”

(My mental alarms have now begun going off, so I hope my answer gets the conversation to stop.)

Me: “Yes, I am married.”

(The man considers this for barely a moment before continuing.)

Man: “Can you give me your number so we can get coffee sometime and you can show me around the neighborhood?”

(I don’t like the tone of his voice, so I take a step back, shaking my head.)

Me: “No, thank you. I was just going home.”

(The man leans across the passenger seat, digging his phone out of his pocket as he speaks more insistently.)

Man: “Please, it’s just a number. I want to get coffee sometime and talk.”

(Definitely uncomfortable, I back off more, shaking my head and repeating myself.)

Me: “No, thank you. I am going home.” 

(Not waiting for a reply, I was finally able to gather myself enough to turn and hurry towards the apartment building, glancing back to get a good look at the car and license plate so I knew what to look out for. He waited for only a few moments before continuing out onto the road and away. It’s been over a week, and though I’ve seen his car once in the lot, I haven’t run into him again. I already have anxiety about strangers, so this hasn’t helped at all, but I realize I’m lucky that he did just leave after I turned him down and retreated. I hope my luck holds and our paths never cross again!)

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Come Back One Year!  

, , , , , , | Right | December 20, 2019

(I am a customer standing in line at a sandwich shop during the dinner rush. Despite being prompted to place her order a few times, the customer just ahead of me is taking several minutes to decide what she wants. The line is growing. She asks several questions about the menu that seem to me to be self-explanatory. When she finally makes a decision, this exchange occurs:)

Employee: “What kind of bread?”

Customer: “What kinds do you have?”

Employee: “The choices are on this sign right here.”

Customer: “Uh, just plain white.”

Employee: “Cheese?”

Customer: “Cheddar.”

Employee: “Toasted?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(The employee adds the cheese, toasts the sandwich, and asks what kind of veggies she wants.)

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t want the cheese melted.”

(The employee starts over and adds the cheese after toasting this time. The customer asks for several veggies, including olives, which the employee adds.)

Customer: “Oh, wait, I guess I don’t want olives.”

(The employee goes through the sandwich picking out each individual olive. The line is now literally out the door.)

Employee: “Sauce?”

Customer: “Mayo.”

(The employee adds mayo.)

Customer: “Actually, I want that chipotle sauce, not mayo. Can you start over?”

(The employee throws her sandwich in the trash and says:)

Employee: “I can’t serve you. The line is too long and I don’t have time to play.”

(Another customer seated and eating his sandwich had been watching this and said, “No soup for you!”)

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You Make A Piercing Judgement, You Get One

, , , , , , | Working | December 18, 2019

(I am working part-time in the electronics department of a nationwide chain department store. I’m in my early 30s, and I’m only working until the birth of my second child. I am a very friendly male and am considered quite liberal when it comes to equal rights for women; I’d call myself a feminist. The following interaction with one of the 18-year-old full-timers in the department probably shocked this woman who always tries to belittle me for having a second job.)

Female Coworker: “Is that your uniform?”

Me: *looking down, then back at her* “Yep. Why?”

Female Coworker: “No, up there. That.” *points at my ear*

Me: “What? Is there a rule against piercings?” 

Female Coworker: “No… I just don’t like earrings on guys.”

Me: “Oh… Well, I don’t like opinions on women.”

Female Coworker: *looks shocked, stammers for a moment, and walks away amidst the shocked laughter of our coworkers*

(She later came by and apologized.)

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Delivering Facts

, , , , , | Right | December 16, 2019

(I’m working at a pizza place and I answer the phone.)

Customer: “Yeah, I had a question about my pizza… Where is it?”

Me: “The driver left the store about five or ten minutes ago, so it’s on its way.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(She calls back ten minutes later.)

Customer: “I’ve been waiting a really long time for my pizza. If it’s cold, I’m going to be calling to complain.”

Me: “As I told you when you ordered, our estimated delivery time is 45 to 55 minutes.”

Customer: “So, it’s going to be cold.”

Me: “No, in our experience we find that pizzas delivered within that range are not delivered cold. If you find your experience to be different, you’re more than welcome to call and complain.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(About ten minutes later, she calls again; I ask my coworker to take the call. After a few minutes, he tells me she wants a free pizza, and I tell him she can’t have one. He puts her on hold and hands me the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I ordered an hour and eighteen minutes ago and just now am I receiving my pizza.”

Me: “It says here that you ordered 49 minutes ago.”

Customer: “I called in the order.”

Me: “Yes, I have your order details on the screen here and it says that you ordered 49 minutes ago. When you called I told you it would take 45 to 55 minutes, so… yeah.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “The pizza arrived within the estimated delivery time.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay. Thank you.”

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