Looks Lick The Wrong Job

, , , , , , | Working | November 27, 2018

(I’ve been applying for jobs and have gotten an interview at a gas station, specifically for the night shift. The woman interviewing me is very casual and laid-back, which makes me feel very comfortable about the position.)

Interviewer: “And you do get a few strange folk during the night, but nothing too creepy. One guy asked to lick me because he wanted to know if I taste as sweet as I look.”

(She seemed completely unconcerned about the incident, and even laughed. I left the interview with no intention of ever working a gas station, anywhere.)

Shameful Timekeeping Reported As Main Reason Behind Entire Class Turning On School Management

, , , , , | Learning | November 10, 2018

I work with third graders as a teacher’s aide. Every week I take a few of them to a separate classroom at lunchtime and work with them on goal setting. One day I have a meeting with my boss that goes over lunch time, so I am a few minutes late getting my kids from the cafeteria. I tell them it’s my boss’s fault and they should tell him, “Shame on you.” When we get back to the classroom, my boss has left, so we get started and I forget about it.

Ten minutes later, the door opens and my boss walks in. Suddenly, in perfect unison, my students turn, point, and scream, “SHAME!”

That pretty much ruins the students’ ability to focus for the rest of the period, but it is worth it to see the terror and confusion on my boss’s face.

I Don’t Work Here… Doesn’t Matter Here

, , , , | Right | November 3, 2018

(I’m shopping at my local supermarket. I’m dressed in a black t-shirt and jeans — very much NOT the store’s uniform. I’m pushing a cart while my four-year-old son sits in the seat of the cart. As I roll into the produce section…)

Customer: “Excuse me, are these oranges $5.99?” *points at a bag*

Me: “I don’t know; I don’t work here.”

Customer: “But are they $5.99?”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t work here.”

Customer: “I know.”

Me: “…”

The Government Burns Money; Why Can’t I?

, , , | Right | October 21, 2018

(I work in an adult store that sells tobacco products and adult novelties. A female customer under thirty years of age approaches after browsing through the shop for several minutes.)

Customer: “So, do you guys accept EBT or, like, the food credit stuff?”

Me: *completely and utterly baffled and astounded that someone would even ask this* “No.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I just got it, and I’m not really sure what it can be used for. Thanks.” *walks out the door*

Me: *waits until the door fully closes, then puts my head in my hands and strongly considers putting my head through the counter* “Wow. Just wow…”

 

What’s The French Word For “Macabre”?

, , , , , | Learning | September 14, 2018

(I am in Honors French 3, and we are learning verbs that have to do with love and hate. Our teacher is trying to get us to write a story about love. This all takes place in French. Sophie and Jacques are the story’s characters.)

Teacher: “So, Jacques tries to find Sophie but he can’t, and starts crying. Then what?”

Student #1: “Sophie comes over.”

Teacher: “And asks, ‘Why are you crying?’ And he says, ‘I thought I’d never find you.’ And then what happens?”

Student #2: “Sophie kills Jacques!”

Teacher: “With what?”

Student #3: “A fork!”

Teacher: “How?”

Student #4: “She stabs him in the eye, then the ear.”

Teacher: “So, Jacques falls to the ground, and then what happens?”

Student #5: “Sophie eats Jacques!”

Teacher: “This is in a park… What do the people walking by say?”

Student #6: “They also start eating Jacques! It’s a buffet!”

(We all found this hilarious and couldn’t stop laughing. The teacher called our sense of humor macabre.)

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