Nothing Plain About This Order

, , , | Working | December 7, 2017

(I am in the car with my mother and brother, and we stop by the drive-thru of a popular chain coffee and donut shop.)

Employee: “Welcome to [Restaurant], how may I help you?”

Mom: “Could I have a small white hot chocolate and a small plain hot chocolate, please?”

Employee: “Okay, so, two large hot chocolates?”

Mom: “No. A small white hot chocolate and a small plain hot chocolate.”

Employee: “So, a small white hot chocolate and a large plain hot chocolate?”

Mom: “No! A small white hot chocolate and a small plain hot chocolate.”

Employee: “Two small plain hot chocolates?”

Mom: “NO! A small white hot chocolate and a small plain hot chocolate, please!”

(Much to our alarm/amusement, the employee begins laughing!)

Employee: “Okay, a small white hot chocolate and a small plain hot chocolate?”

Mom: “YES. Thank you!”

(To this day I still have no idea what was going through that employee’s mind. I sure do know what was going through my mom’s!)

Unfiltered Story #100105

, , , | Unfiltered | November 14, 2017

Because our trash is mostly plastic bags and paper, we can easily just press it down to make room in the barrel for more. One of my coworkers regularly sticks his foot in the barrel to squash everything down completely, so one day I decide to do the same.

Manager: “Oh, you’re going to do like [Coworker] does?”

I press my foot into the barrel at the wrong angle, and when it comes back up, so does most of the trash, which spills on the floor.

Manager: “…that’s not how [Coworker] does it.”

A Needling Suspicion You Did That Wrong

, , | Healthy | November 3, 2017

(I am donating blood at a traveling clinic that has come to my college. I have a rather intense needle phobia and like to use donating blood as a way to get over this fear just as much as an opportunity to help others. However, when the needle is in me I become visibly tense and my breathing quickens. Sometimes the nurses worry that I am going to pass out or go into shock, so I always warn them about my fear, assure them that I will NOT pass out, that I’m just anxious, and ask them to count to three before they stick me, which reduces my anxiety. They are usually very understanding of this request.)

Nurse: “Okay, we’re all set now. You’re just going to feel a pinch and a sting.”

Me: “Can you please count before you do it?”

Nurse: *legitimately confused about this request* “Count? Why?”

Me: “I have a bit of a needle phobia. I’m not going to pass out; I just don’t want to be surprised by the needle.”

Nurse: *still with a confused expression* “Okay…”

(She then proceeds to count to three as fast as she can… WHILE she is already sticking me with the needle. Lo and behold, I panic, push myself several inches up in the chair, and feel tears begin to stream from my eyes involuntarily.)

Nurse: “Oh! Well, I didn’t know you were gonna jump up in your chair like that!”

(She leaves to tend to other donors. I begin to calm down, but tears are still streaming down my face as a result of the unpleasant surprise.)

Nurse: *coming back to check on me, notices my face* “Is… is something sad going on in your life right now?”

Me: “Nothing other than the nightmares I’m gonna have tonight…”

Rage Against The Machine, Part 6

, , , , , | Right | October 27, 2017

(I work in the electronics department for an office supply chain. Some of our displays for copiers and printers are fake, but customers don’t realize it sometimes.)

Customer: “Hello, I need someone to show me how to change the toner on this copy machine.”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but that’s a fake display. I can describe the process but I won’t be able to show you on this model.”

Customer: *becoming irate* “No, I need you to show me on this machine!”

Me: “Like I said, unfortunately this machine is just a plastic display. I can’t open the part that holds the toner.”

Customer: “Then you need to find me someone who can! You don’t know anything!”

(I walk away to find a manager to handle the situation. After several minutes of helping her, she finally leaves.)

Me: “So, did she ask you to show her where the toner went?”

Manager: “I picked up the copier off the shelf and shook it to show her it was fake. I think she figured it out.”

Parents Have Beef With Teachers

, , , , , | Learning | September 29, 2017

(I am a teacher. There is a very quiet but sweet-natured little girl in my class. She is no trouble at all to teach, but seems to be a little sheltered and clueless about a lot of very basic things, which has lead to her being picked on by other kids. Her mother, on the other hand, is something else entirely! At this point, she is going through an extremely bitter divorce with her ex-husband, and many of the teachers at the school loathe her. Despite presenting herself as a loving woman who cherishes “all living things,” she frequently resorts to threats of violence and intimidation to get what she wants. Last year, she tried to get a teacher fired for reading “The Ugly Duckling,” which she claimed promoted “bullying and narcissism.” Word around town is that social services have been investigating her behavior and are very concerned about the child’s well being. I have just taught a lesson on different foods and where they come from. The little girl is extremely quiet throughout, but nothing seems wrong. The next day at lunch, I get called into the headmaster’s office. My heart sinks when I see the mother standing there, looking like I just murdered her family.)

Mother: “THERE HE IS! THAT’S THE MAN WHO TRAUMATISED MY BABY!”

(The headmaster looks like he wants to be anywhere but here, but reluctantly pushes on.)

Headmaster: “[My Name], did you happen to teach a class about killing animals yesterday?”

(Unexpectedly, I giggle slightly at this, because it sounds absurd.)

Mother: “HOW DARE YOU TEACH MY CHILD HOW TO KILL AN INNOCENT ANIMAL?! YOU ARE A MONSTER!”

Me: “What on earth are you talking about? I said nothing like that.”

Mother: “LIAR! MY BABY WAS UP ALL NIGHT CRYING; SHE WAS HORRIFIED!”

Me: “Sorry, I’m really confused here.”

Headmaster: “Mrs. [Mother] claims that you taught her class how to kill animals and eat them; is this true?”

Me: “Not at all, [Headmaster]. All I did was give a class on food—”

Mother: *interrupting* “He told the children about killing a beautiful, defenseless animal! My daughter was too scared to come into school today because of what she learned.”

Headmaster: “Could you please let him explain?”

(Thankfully, the mother shuts up for a moment, and I am allowed to go on.)

Me: “All I did was explain where different foods come from, such as beef coming from cows, chicken coming from a chicken, and pork coming from pigs. I also explained how milk comes from cows and eggs from chickens, and how fruits come from the trees and vegetables are grown in the ground. I never once told the kids about any murder, or that it was right to kill animals for food. I just told them basic facts.”

Mother: “No child should learn about such horrible things! What kind of school do you think you’re running here?”

Headmaster: “Right; I’ve heard enough now! These are things even you learned in school, which you know for a fact are true. What was it that [My Name] said that upset your daughter so much?”

Mother: “My daughter is too young to know about animals being killed! Frankly, I think the two of you are terrible people for allowing this!”

Me: “Look. I understand where you are coming from here, but these are basic facts your daughter has to learn. She already has enough trouble with the other kids, and I’ve had to talk to several parents already about the other students who pick on her! When she goes to high school, she will learn about history, including violent topics like World War I and World War II. If she goes to [Local Catholic School], she will have to learn about different religious viewpoints, and some biblical stories that will be unsettling, or she might read English books with more mature themes in them. While I appreciate that you want her to grow up in an environment that is pure and untainted, I feel this approach is just setting her back.”

(For the next few minutes, the mother screamed at me and the headmaster that she was “going to have our jobs” before storming out the room. Later that day, she turned up at the house of one of the members on the board of education and made a big scene about wanting us both fired. Apparently, after repeatedly being asked to leave, she only left when the woman threatened to call the cops! The next day, she pulled her child out of the school claiming she was going to homeschool her because this environment was “too provocative.” Tragically, a couple of weeks later, I heard that the mother was arrested for assaulting someone in a supermarket, and full custody was given to the father. A few years ago, I happened to see that little girl with her father and stepmother; she looked like a happy and normal teenage girl, so I’m glad there was a happy ending. We never heard about the mother again.)

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