(I am doing Internet tech support over the phone.)

Me: “I’d like you check if you can see your WiFi name now, please.”

Customer: *too fast to have re-checked the list* “It’s still not there.”

Me: “Okay, can I have you just refresh the list, please?”

Customer: *angrily* “I don’t know how to do that! I’m forty! I don’t know anything about all this technology stuff!”

(I managed to refrain from telling him that I am forty-three, and not only am I not the oldest in the call centre, one of my coworkers left retirement to come and work with us! There are many excuses for being ignorant about technology, but being middle-aged isn’t one of them.)

When I was in first grade, our bus had a stop at the corner by my house on [X Street] and a second stop at the fire hall located across the alley and main road, behind my house, for all of the kids on [Y Street]. Typically, I caught my bus at the corner stop, but I thought the stop at the fire hall was so much cooler since the kids got to cross the main road.

One day, on the way to school, I wrote a note and signed my mom’s name on it, giving myself permission to get off the bus at the fire hall with all of my friends. Keep in mind, I was six years old with nothing but crayons and some old worksheets in my book bag, and no knowledge of cursive handwriting. You can imagine how ridiculous that permission note looked.

The school accepted it. My mom had a field day telling the school administrators about themselves.

(I’m sitting in Spanish class when I overhear this conversation:)

Teacher: “You had the whole weekend to work on this paper. Why didn’t you do it?”

Student: “I couldn’t send emails!”

(It was a paper assignment.)

Customer: “Okay, I’m all set.”

Me: *rings the draperies she wants up* “Okay, your total is $768.22.”

Customer: “What?! Aren’t they on sale?”

Me: “No, only the pleated draperies are on sale.”

Customer: “What’s the difference? Why aren’t these ones on sale too?!

(Customer’s husband comes over.)

Husband: “What’s going on?”

Customer: *to Husband* “These panels aren’t on sale!”

Husband: “Oh… well, how much does it come up to?”

Customer: “They come out to like $800 bucks.”

Husband: “Well… what do you wanna do?”

Customer: *sigh* “There are signs EVERYWHERE saying that these are on sale.”

Me: “No, there are signs everywhere saying that the PLEATED draperies are on sale.”

Customer: “But that entire room has signs! They all say they’re 20% off.”

Me: “I’m sorry to say, but all the signs in that room all say, ‘SALE: All Pleated Draperies 20% Off.’ Want me to show you?”

Customer: “No, it’s fine… Whatever.”

(I finish ringing up the transaction.)

Customer: *signing receipt* “Ugh, it’s just misleading, you know? There are literally a hundred signs in that room that say that the draperies are on sale.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but they do specify what kind of draperies are on sale.”

Lady: “Well, I don’t buy draperies every day, so I don’t pay attention to stupid details like that!”

Me: “Okay… I hope they work out for you. Have a good day.”