No Pizza IS A Crisis!

, , , | Right | December 21, 2018

(I work for an emergency mental health crisis line. We get a lot of “wrong numbers” but this one is the funniest.)

Me: “[Company], how can I help you?”

Caller: “I need three large pizzas: one with pepperoni, one cheese, and one sausage.”

(I hear kids screaming in background; the caller also screams at the kids to be quiet.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, you seem to have the wrong number; this is an emergency crisis line.”

Caller: “Oh, I meant to call [Pizza Joint], but can you just put in my order?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t fill pizza orders.”

Caller: “This is an emergency! The kids are hungry and getting upset! Just put in my order and get it here ASAP!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t call in a pizza order for you.”

Caller: “Just do it, please, now!” *disconnects call before I can respond*

You Should Have Waited For Me!

, , , , | Right | December 15, 2018

(This is in mid-January. An older man approaches me at the circulation desk.)

Customer: “Do you have tax forms here?”

Me: “I don’t think so; we normally don’t get those until later in the month.”

Customer: “Well, I called and talked to someone who said you do.”

Me: “If we have any, they’ll be on the counter in the computer area, but I didn’t notice any when I was back there earlier.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll go take a look.” *leaves and comes back a few minutes later* “They’re not back there. Why would somebody tell me you had them here when you don’t?”

Me: “Do you know who you spoke with? When did you call?”

Customer: “I don’t remember; it was about ten months ago.”

Me: “Well, sir, in that case, they would have been talking about last year’s forms. If you called ten months ago, that would have been March of last year, so we would have had last year’s forms out. We haven’t received the forms for this year yet.”

Customer: “But why would they tell me you had them, and then when I come in you don’t have them? That’s a waste of my time!”

Me: “When you called, we did have them, for last year. But the forms are different each year; we haven’t received the ones for this year yet.”

Customer: “I still don’t understand why someone would say you have the forms when you don’t have them. I called and they told me you have the forms, and now when I come in, you don’t have them. This has just been a big waste of my time.”

We’ll Just Chalk That One Up To The Devil

, , , , | Right | December 9, 2018

(I work in a home furnishings shop in a town in the Bible Belt. We’ve just opened for the day, and while it’s slow, I am helping set up new seasonal displays with my manager. A coworker comes over after a couple customers leave that area of the store.)

Coworker: “Hey, [Manager], I think we ought to put the chalk away.”

(My manager looks over and does a double-take.)

Manager: “We’re going to very quietly clean that off before any of the customers notice.”

(A customer had written, “Hail Satan,” and drawn an upside-down cross on one of our chalkboard products, and then left it in a prominent spot where people would see it.)

Rebuyer’s Remorse

, , , , , | Right | December 8, 2018

Customer: “I have a coupon, and I’d like to get a price adjustment for my blanket and pillow I already purchased, please!”

Me: “Sure! Just let me okay it with the manager, first!” *since it’s slow, the manager on duty comes up to the register to observe* “Well, since you purchased this a month ago, it’s outside the window for a price adjustment.”

Customer: “Can’t I just return it and rebuy it?”

Me: “Sure, then you can use your coupon!”

(We go through the return for what she originally paid, and I repurchase the items. Since these were bought on an old sale, the items returned to regular price and ring up for those amounts.)

Me: “Okay, now I’ll enter the coupon code.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s different from what I paid before.”

Me: “That’s because they’re no longer on sale.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, then.”

(She gives me her coupon and I scan it. She pays the difference and goes on her way with her items. She ends up paying at least ten dollars more than she originally purchased them for!)

Manager: “Did that really just happen?”

If You Hate The Use Of Red In Halloween Just Wait Until It Hits Christmas

, , , , | Right | November 30, 2018

(I’m ringing up a customer. My store uses a lot of glitter.)

Customer: “Do you have sanitary wipes? You should wipe the blood off the PIN pad.”

(Surprised and concerned, I look over to check the touch screen of the pad.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s just glitter; nothing to worry about!”

Customer: “Well, it’s red and it looks like blood.”

Me: “It’s just a little red glitter, just that time of year. It’s perfectly all right.”

Customer: “Red glitter, what do they think of?”

(The customer paid and went on her merry way.)

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