Unfiltered Story #160922

, , | Unfiltered | August 26, 2019

(I’m running the registers one night, and it’s been overly busy because we’re closing the next day for a remodel that will last four and a half days. As this is a small town, we’re the only general store and most people come in daily, usually multiple times a day, so everyone’s stocking up. At this point, there’s only a couple people in line, but I know more’s coming, so I’m trying to ring them up as quickly as possible. As I’m handing one young man his receipt, the young man behind him comes up with a plastic sword from our toy section.)

Customer: “Hey, there’s another one of these back there without a tag on it. If I get it, can I have it for free?”

Me: “If you get it, and they’re the same price, I could run this tag twice and you could buy both.”

Customer: “But would I get it for free?”

Me: “No, I’d run this tag twice and you’re buying both.”

Customer: “But they’d be the same price, right?”

Me: “If they cost the same, yeah.”

Customer: “So it would be $4.30.”

(At this point I’d seen the man behind him shaking his head and getting impatient. I too, am frustrated at his apparent lack of basic logic. I try another tactic)

Me: “Here look.” (I point at the tag on the toy sword he’d put on my counter.) “See here, how it’s four dollars?” *he nods* “So with tax, we could round that up to the $4.30 you mentioned earlier. If you go back and buy both, we’d run this tag twice and it would be around $9.00.”

Customer: “Oh, well I only have about $4.30, so I’ll just get this one.”

(I ring it up for him.)

Me: “$4.24”

Customer: *after a lengthy process, dumps a bunch of change on the counter*

(At this point, there was about five, six people in line and then man right behind the young man is getting really impatient.)

Customer; “I have two dollars in bills, so I only need about a dollar in change.”

Me; “In that case, here.” *counts up $1.24 in dimes and pennies, grabs the bills, and sends the boy on his way. I attempt to be lighthearted with the next guy* “Logic, right?” *I shrug*

Customer #2: “Man, that kid’s a dumba**!”

Unfiltered Story #159998

, , | Unfiltered | August 7, 2019

I work at a nationwide popular dollar store. A woman comes to my register and asks about a prepaid phone plan associated with a chain of nationwide department stores.

woman: “Do you have (nationwide department store phone plan?)”

me: “uuuhh…that’s a (nationwide department store) thing.”

woman: “so…you don’t carry it.”

me: “No, it’s (nationwide department store) only. They’re kinda funny about it.”

She left and I later went to tell my manager. She says it happens all the time!

Playing Couch-Detective

, , , , , | Related | July 30, 2019

(My parents bought a new couch for our downstairs family room. Considering that’s where the game consoles are, whenever I have friends over we usually sit on the couch. After a year of having it, my parents call me downstairs. They seem angry.)

Stepdad: “You and your friends broke our couch.”

Me: “How?”

Mom: “Can you not see it?”

Me: “I honestly can’t see anything wrong with it.”

(They point at a small blemish on one of the cushions. It looks like a burn mark from a cigarette. Being that I’m twelve, I definitely don’t smoke cigarettes.)

Me: “That’s not from me.”

Stepdad: “Why do you think that?”

Me: “That’s a burn mark. I don’t even know where to find a lighter.”

Stepdad: “Well, now it’s ruined! We’ll have to throw it out now!”

Me: “It doesn’t look that bad; I didn’t notice it until you pointed it out. But it is definitely not from anything I’ve been doing.”

Mom: “That doesn’t explain where it came from, though.”

Me: “Maybe it was [Brother] or [Brother’s Girlfriend]. Their room is down here. I’m not the only one who uses the couch.”

(They denied it. At that point, though, they just gave up and dropped it. We still have the couch, although it’s in the garage because my stepdad wanted to convert the garage into a man cave but never did. They’ve offered to let me take it whenever I decide to move out. I’m not complaining, either; who doesn’t want a free couch?)

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Holler At Your God

, , , , , | Friendly | July 23, 2019

I live on a farm deep in a hollow or “holler” as the locals call it in Kentucky. My husband and I moved there after he retired from the military because of my husband’s post-traumatic stress disorder in hopes that being away from people would help him. We have put a number of signs on the fencing and gate to the property to let people know that a combat veteran lives here and that unannounced visitors are not welcome. Lately, we have been having problems with a certain religious group that has an organization called the Watchtower that likes to proselytize disregarding those signs and coming up to the house. 

In this incident, my husband is recovering from hernia surgery. The religious group has decided to disregard the signs and open a closed gate to the property. I have had enough at this point so I decide to have a little fun. 

My favorite movie franchise is “Police Academy” and my favorite character is Zed — played by Bobcat Goldthwaite — a former gang member who communicates through screaming. When I see the religious group coming up to the porch, I smear eyeliner all over my face and turn out all of the lights in the house to make the house really dark. My husband keeps a large flashlight by the door and I pick that up.

When I open the door for the religious group, I hold the flashlight under my face and start screaming incoherently. Apparently, I scared them because they immediately leave my porch and start babbling about Ozzy Osbourne as they leave the property! 

We haven’t had problems with them since. In this area, I have the right to answer the door with a gun, but doing this was way more fun! I don’t understand why they picked this holler to do their proselytizing because the houses are about 1000 feet apart and no one welcomes their brand of religious message.

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Unfiltered Story #159079

, , | Unfiltered | July 23, 2019

I was the idiot customer … but not by my choice. Back when computers used primarily 3.5″ floppy disks, I had a handful of them that went bad. My (ex-) mother-in-law told me that the time that Office Depot had a policy that allowed you to bring in your old, bad floppy disks and they would replace them! According to her, it didn’t matter the make, condition, or if they worked still.

I was so embarrassed to hand a box of 100 disgusting, stained, old floppy disks expecting to trade out for a brand new box of disks. I was so angry for falling for that and embarrassed when the customer rep gave me this most baffling look.

I laugh about it now.