(I work at a call center for a newspaper.)

Me: “Hello. My name is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

(An old lady answers with a very whiny voice every call centre agent knows all too well.)

Caller: “I did not get my newspaper! I had it every day for fifty years; how can you not deliver it? I called yesterday and you told me it will be there today!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. Let’s look up your account and see what we can do about it.”

(I look up her subscription and see that the delivery was canceled roughly two months ago due to three prior months of unpaid fees.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but your delivery was stopped two months ago…”

(I explain the cause, which was a payment declined by her bank due to unknown reasons.)

Caller: “That can’t be! I have had this subscription for fifty years and always pay!”

(She continues to rant while I look deeper into her customer history. It turns out that she got all the letters and reminders during the three unpaid months, was called multiple times about it, and only after we stopped delivering did she acknowledge the ignored the letters; she thought it would “go away and resolve itself.” After the deliveries stopped, she started to call twice a week. She is told every time to talk to her bank as we can’t make them pay us.)

Me: “I am happy to tell you that your bank worked it out just yesterday. As the subscription was put on hold, we need accounting to re-open it to start delivering again.”

Caller: “Nonsense; my subscription was not halted! I just did not get it yesterday and today. I want the papers credited back.”

Me: “Well, if you still got the paper since the delivery was halted, you are very lucky, as we did not charge you for that. We will restart as soon as accounting has checked it and they will send you a confirmation letter.”

(I explain that in Germany, it is the law to announce delivery after a halted subscription fourteen days prior, so people who maybe don’t want to restart can cancel in time. They, of course, can also call in and confirm they want the delivery to start immediately, but we have to send the letter first.)

Caller: “I don’t care; I just want my newspaper tomorrow and the ones I did not get credited back!”

Me: “I can’t promise you any paper tomorrow or even the rest of the week. We need to send you the letter before we can restart and with Easter this weekend, I am pretty sure accounting will not be able to confirm the balance and send the letter until Thursday.”

Caller: “But how can you leave me until next week without a paper? I had the newspaper for fifty years; you can’t stop delivery!”

Me: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but you ignored our letter after the payment got reversed by your bank. We had no other choice but to stop delivering.”

(The call starts to go in circles with me explaining the whole thing over at least twice and the caller just coming back to, “That can’t be; how did it happen?”)

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but I explained to you exactly how things came up to this point and that you will get delivery as soon as we are able to confirm it properly. Please stay patient; I have already asked for your case to be reviewed ASAP.”

Caller: “But you can’t just not get me a newspaper for the rest of the week! I have always paid you for fifty years!”

Me: “Honestly, I don’t know what to tell you anymore but that you are wrong about this. We have left you without a paper for two months by now and you have just paid us five months after the first bill was due. These are the facts, and I can and will not tell you anything else. Please wait for the letter. If you don’t have any other questions, I will end this call.”

Caller: “But I don’t understand; why did you cancel my delivery?”

Me: *ends the call after twenty minutes*

(There is a sports competition called Super Rugby, which features sides from Argentina, Australia, New Zealand, and South Africa, with sides travelling to face each other over a period of a few months. All the matches are televised in all the nations. It’s Saturday lunchtime at the newspaper where I work, and the phone rings.)

Me: “Good day, [Newspaper].”

Caller: *who sounds a bit grumpy* “Why wasn’t the match between the Highlanders [another NZ team] and Christchurch Crusaders on this morning?”

Me: “The NZ Rugby Union cancelled it, sir, because of the terror attack in Christchurch yesterday.”

Caller: “But they are professionals; they should have played!”

Me: “…”

I was working for a small weekly advertising newspaper in a semi-rural area. I was mostly the computer person, but one of my duties was taking classified ads over the phone when it was busy.

A caller wanted to place an ad to sell some “Earl drums.” Since I was still cleaning up after my predecessor, whose spelling had been — how shall we say it — creative… and I know some percussion instrument manufacturers can have complicated spellings — e.g., Zildjian — I asked him to spell the name.

In disbelief, he replied, “You know: Oh. Ah. Ell. Earl!”

He was selling oil drums.

Customer called to complain, saying I “sensationalized” a news story by writing that a business had “burned down to the ground” when he knew perfectly well the walls were still up at the end of the fire. That was true. They were burnt to a crisp, but they were standing. Photo available.

(I work as a reporter for a community newspaper, which has multiple papers throughout the county. Due to an effort to “centralize” everything, my office consists only of reporters and the circulation manager. Things like ads, classifieds, etc., are based out of our county flagship office, a good 25- to 30-minute drive from my office depending on traffic. We’re understaffed at the moment, as one of the two reporters out of this office recently quit and his replacement has yet to start, so I am literally the only person in the entire office most days. But we get almost no foot traffic here, so it isn’t usually a problem… Until today, when a little old woman comes in wanting to place a classified ad.)

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t do ads here in this office, but if you wait one moment, I can get you the name and contact information for the classified department.”

(After pausing a moment to see if she’ll protest, I go back to my desk to do just that. Less than a minute later, I return with a name and direct phone number for a classified ads person.)

Woman: “I wanted to do this in person!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but like I said, we don’t do that in this office. It’s based in our [Location] office.”

Woman: “I could have called from home! I wanted to do this in person! I even called to make sure there was an office here before I came!”

Me: *thinking maybe she should have specified what she wanted to do at the office before confirmation* “I’m sorry for the inconvenience. It’s just reporters and circulation here, though, so I can’t help you.”

Woman: “At [Competitor] I can go down and we do it in person! They talk me through the whole process!”

Me: *thinking* “Then just go place a classified ad with them and leave me alone.” *speaking* “Again, I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

Woman: “This was such a difficult trip to come down here! I want to do this in person!”

(She then proceeded to steal two Post-It notes and a pen before hobbling away, grumbling about the awful trip to our downtown location with the best public transit in the county, assuming she uses that, and an elevator to come up to the floor our office is on, and how she wanted to do it in person and how I, personally, was making life so hard for her.)