Say What You Want; Not Like You Can Lose Your Job

, , , | Right | August 2, 2018

(I work for a chain store that is closing. A customer comes to the counter and I start to check her out.)

Customer: “So, are you happy the store is closing?”

(I am taken aback from the question. I count to ten so I don’t take her head off.)

Me: “Yeah, all my coworkers and I are thrilled to be losing our jobs.”

Customer: *realizing she may have just asked a truly stupid question* “Well, I just thought maybe you were going to retire or something.”

Me: *being a little mean and not caring* “You think I look old enough to retire?”

(The customer, now looking like she just wants to run away, sputters something about just being curious.)

Customer #2: *overhearing this, weighs in* “Happy?! Why on earth should she be happy? I’m miserable because this is my favorite place to shop and these people are so nice. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

(The first customer paid for her items and practically ran out of the store. [Customer #2] remained a little while and commiserated with me over the closing. Thanks to [Customer #2] for making me feel a little better with her kind words.)

Next Time We Know Where To Shove Those Pancakes

, , , , , | Right | August 1, 2018

(My family and I are at a popular restaurant on Mother’s Day — a Sunday — so the restaurant is quite busy, and there is a thirty-minute wait. Finally, we are seated, and then we see why there is such a long wait. There is a family who is taking up four tables. There are six kids, and five adults, but they do not need four tables. As we sit down, we hear them order. They are ordering the biggest and most time-consuming meals in the restaurant, with a ridiculous amount of sides. [Waitress #1] is already overwhelmed by the amount of people. She eventually brings all their food out and tries to get our drink order. Before she can finish, the mother from the other table calls her over.)

Mother: “Excuse me, all of our orders are wrong! I want you to take them all back and remake them the right way, and get us the right food this time!”

Waitress #1: “What is wrong with your food?”

Mother: “They all are cold, half are wrong, this one is undercooked, this one is burnt, and that one just looks plain nasty. It’s all just wrong!”

(She goes on for about five more minutes before she demands ALL of their meals are taken back and remade. At this point, half of their food is already eaten. It’s clear what they are doing now. The waitress is stressing even more and begins tearing up.)

Waitress #1: “Ma’am, you already have eaten half of your meals; I can’t possible take them back now—”

Mother: “Shut up. Take them back. We are not paying and waiting this long to get s***ty food! Take. It. All. Back. NOW!”

Waitress #1: “I’ll see what I can do.”

(A few minutes later, she comes back with will their orders remade. Because of this, we still have yet to get our drinks. As soon as the food is placed on the table, there is another problem.)

Mother: “Umm, no. My son ordered the strawberry banana pancakes. Those are not strawberry banana. I don’t know what those… things are.”

Waitress #1: “Those are definitely strawberry ban—”

Father: “Stop. If my wife says they are wrong, then they are wrong. Go get the right pancakes, now!”

(She sighs and takes another half-eaten meal to bring a new one back. We have ordered our food, but have not gotten it yet because the family next to us keeps sending more and more food back. Soon, the manager comes out and tells them they can’t order any more food. They get irritated and complain, but it does nothing. [Waitress #1] comes out again. It’s obvious she has been crying.)

Mother: “Hey, you! Our drinks are wrong, too. Bring us back all new ones. Oh, and you got my son’s pancakes wrong again.”

([Waitress #1] has had enough of their s*** like everyone else has.)

Waitress #1: “I already brought you your pancakes!”

(She walks off without listening to anything else and rubs her head. A tear rolls down her face. We have our food now, and they finish theirs soon after. We think it is over, but it’s not even close. At this point, their brat kids have destroyed the table and gotten food all over the floor. They are also being extremely loud and obnoxious. Everyone has asked countless times for the kids to calm down, but it is either ignored or a rude remark is said and nothing is done. Soon, the manager comes out again and hands them their check. This just makes the mother even angrier.)


Manager: “I can’t do that! You got the right foo—”

Father: “Just listen to her!”

(The manager storms off and sends [Waitress #2] to give them their new check. They get four meals and all their drinks off the check. It still isn’t good enough.)

Father: “Of course, you forgot the military discount. Incompetence.”

(He tosses the check onto the table into the smeared mess. [Waitress #1] comes back and takes the check. Their final price is $80.32. They all scoff, pay, and leave in a rush. They don’t leave a tip, but they leave a huge mess. Both waitresses come to our table and look somewhat relieved.)

Waitress #1: “I would like to thank you guys for not being like that last family.”

Waitress #2: “I can’t believe people actually do stuff like that! They just took so much food and money from us. I don’t know why my boss didn’t just kick them out…”

Waitress #1: “I am so sorry for that and the huge inconvenience.”

My Mother: “You don’t have to apologize for anything. It’s not your fault a**holes like that are allowed in restaurants.”

My Father: “I would like to apologize on behalf of all military men like that. They give us all a bad name, and we’re not all like that f****** d**k.”

(The waitress started to cry again and my mother got up and hugged her. She thanked my dad for his service and thanked us all for being so kind. We paid and left a $30 tip for what that woman had to go through. Later, we found out the family had quite the bad reputation in our town for trying to screw restaurants out of money and food, then leaving huge messes and never tipping. People like that should not be allowed in restaurants.)

The Couponator 7: The Forgotten Coupon

, , , , | Right | July 24, 2018

(I’m a cashier at a pharmacy. Unfortunately, due to its rewards program, our chain is a haven for “Coupon Queens” to come buy a cartload of products for $3.00. I mean, do what you gotta do, but sometimes, the couponers get way out of hand. The customer in this story is a notorious regular, and he and his wife always make my coworkers and me go running when they come into the store. The customer, sans his wife, has been chatting to me while I ring him up, going on about saving this and saving that, occasionally snapping at me if I even look at one of the items he’s set aside for a third or fourth transaction. It takes fifteen minutes before I finally get it all rang up.)

Customer: “I’ll bring your cart back in when I get these out to my car. I just… Oh, s***!”

Me: “Is everything all right, sir?”

Customer: “I forgot to use my coupons on this stuff. Oh, my God, my wife is going to kill me. Here, you need to refund all of these so I can do it again and use my coupons.”

Me: “I… I’m sorry, sir. I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Well, why the h*** not? I have the coupons right here; there’s no one else in line right now.”

Me: “Sir, it’s against company policy. I cannot refund your items for full price, and then sell them back to you when you’re using coupons.”

Customer: “Well, I’m going to tell my wife you did this!” *storms out*

The Couponator 6: The Coupon Awakens
The Couponator 5: Online Decline
The Couponator 4: Deadly Discounts

Got Their Brain For Free

, , , , , , | Right | July 5, 2018

(A customer comes up to the counter with two clearance items, which are on special — buy one, get one half-off — which is clearly signed.)

Me: “Your total is $13.23.”

Customer: *confused* “This isn’t half-off?”

Me: “No, ma’am. The sale is buy one, get one half-off.”

Customer: “Okay. I’ll put [more expensive one] back, then.”

Me: “Okay. Your new total is $5.29.”

Customer: “I thought this was half-off.”

Me: “The sale is buy one, get one half-off.”

Customer: *looks at sign* “Oh, I guess I need to learn to read.” *hands me seven ones to pay*

Me: *internally* “Need to learn to count, too.”

Has No Time To Listen To Time Zones

, , , , , | Right | July 5, 2018

(I work for the food-stamp office. I am calling a client back the next day to finish up an application. I advised her I would be calling about eight in the morning. Our office opens statewide at 8:00 am EST.)

Me: “Hi. This is [Government Office], and I am calling for [Client]. Is she around, by chance?”

Client’s Mother: “She had to go somewhere, but she will be back. You said you would call at eight!”

Me: “Ma’am, it is eight am EST.”


(I explained time zone differences, and she was still irate when the call ended because she thought I was lying.)

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