An Alarming Lack Of Alarm, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | August 10, 2017

(I take a telephone call from a female caller.)

Caller: “Hello. My partner’s having a pacemaker fitted and for personal reasons, I’d like to know where he is on the list.”

Me: “I don’t know that. Have you tried speaking to the consultant’s secretary?”

Caller: “I’m not ringing her. Can’t you tell me?”

Me: “But she would be the best person to help you.”

Caller: “I don’t know if she’s Australian or Canadian, but she’s never there. She’s either on holiday or off sick.”

Me: “She would still be the best person to ask.”

Caller: “But can’t you tell me?”

Me: “I don’t know that information. Would they even know the surgery lists at this point?”

Caller: “Yes, they would.”

(The fire alarm starts to go off.)

Me: “Can I take your number and try to find out and give you a ring back.”

Caller: “What’s that noise? It’s hurting my ears.”

Me: “That’s the fire alarm. We may have to evacuate the building.”

Caller: “You don’t have to go. It’s probably just a practice.”

Me: “We’ve not been told it’s a practice. If I can take your phone number, I can try and find out and call you back.”

Caller: “No, don’t call me back. I want to know when he’s having his pacemaker fitted.”

Me: “Sorry, madam, we are actually evacuating the building.”

Caller: “But you can’t. I want to know when his pacemaker’s going to be fitted.”

(The best bit? I found out from a colleague that the order of patients is decided on the day!)

Nailed That Work Safety Lesson

, , , , | Working | August 9, 2017

(The interior of our office gets new paint. As our boss is known for being notoriously cheap he asks us employees to carry out some furniture on our way to our lunch break. Another coworker and I pack a desk and carry it to our storage room. I’m the one who’s walking backwards and halfway into the room I feel a short pain and it gets warm inside my shoe. I put the desk down and see a plank with a nail sticking THROUGH my foot.)

Coworker: “Oh, no! Stay put! Don’t pull the nail out. I’ll inform [Boss] and get somebody to carry you to my car. Guess we’re spending the afternoon in the hospital.”

(A few minutes later my boss and two coworkers arrive.)

Boss: “Wow! Well, at least we can learn something about workplace safety here. [My Name], you really ought to be looking more carefully where you step.”

(I waited some seconds for him to start laughing but apparently it was no joke. Yep, totally my fault.)

Footloose With The Treatment

, , , , | Right | August 9, 2017

My aunt & uncle, both doctors, moved to rural Kentucky when they sold their practice and retired.

Since medical care is spotty in their area my aunt volunteers to make home visits to check on patients as support for local physicians.

One female patient in particular had been told to rest after surgery; when my aunt arrives the patient is bustling around the house, contrary to doctor’s orders.

When it was mentioned that she was supposed to be off her feet; apparently she had misunderstood the doctors orders of not putting your feet on the ground, as she replied “But I haven’t been outside all day!”

The Cult Of The Living Skull

, , , | Learning | August 9, 2017

(My friend works as an anthropologist at a university.)

Friend: “Funny story; I was glancing through our skull models and apparently we have the cast of Charles Manson’s skull in our collection? I just thought that was an odd choice.”

(Friend thinks for a moment…)

Friend: “Or wait, maybe it’s Charles Mason. That would make more sense.”

Me: “Charles Manson isn’t dead, so I hope not.”

Friend: “That’s why I was confused. Must have been the English astronomer, then.”

Their Common Sense Is Disabled

, , , , | Working | August 8, 2017

(This has happened at least once with each of my managers and a couple coworkers when my mother has come to pick me up from work.)

Manager: *sees my mum parked in the disability car spot* “Why is your mum parked in the disability spot? She can’t park there!”

Me: “Um, yes, she can.”

Manager: “She can only park there if she has a disability!”

Me: “Yeah, pretty sure the disability sticker in her windscreen and the fact she can’t walk unassisted means she can park there.”

(Which is often followed by them suddenly very busy tidying or intently inspecting something nearby.)