Their Complaining Spree Has Hit A Bump

, , , , , | Right | June 23, 2017

(My colleague is seven months pregnant. She’s quite petite so it’s obvious that she’s carrying a child, and most of the customers she’s helped out have noticed and congratulated her. It’s currently summer and our store can get quite hot, so our boss has allowed her to sit on a stool behind the checkout and have a small fan on her counter. I am working at the counter next to her when a customer approaches her.)

Customer: “There’s a product on the very top shelf that I need you to get down for me.”

Colleague: “Of course, ma’am. [My Name] will be happy to find a ladder and help you out with that.

Customer: “What?! How dare you try and just palm me off onto somebody else! Why can’t you just do it yourself?!”

Colleague: *gesturing to her bump* “Well, as you can see I shouldn’t really be climbing up on ladders in my current condition.”

Customer: “You lazy cow; what’s that supposed to mean?”

Colleague: “I’m sorry, but I can’t get up on a ladder because I’m preg—”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to hear any more of your excuses. Clearly you think you’re in some sort of privileged position with your fan and stool behind the counter while your poor colleagues slave away in the heat. Go and find a ladder right now or I’ll call and complain to your manager.”

(Overhearing the entire conversation, I decide to step in.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but my colleague has been trying to tell you that she’s obviously quite pregnant and for medical reasons cannot put herself in a position where she risks a fall.”

(The customer looks at Colleague’s bump, the light bulb clearly switching on in her head.)

Customer: “It’s not very high up! She’s still supposed to be helping me. She should go and fetch it!”

Me: “You wouldn’t want to be responsible for the death of an unborn child, would you? Now, if you show me what you need from the top shelf I’ll happily get it down for you.”

(The customer glared at me and started barking orders. At least she left my poor colleague alone after that.)

Paling At The Diagnosis

, , , | Working | June 22, 2017

(I’d always had these white patches on my body and my mom always thought they were scars because I scar and bruise so easily. However she quickly changes her mind when I point out that I don’t have scars on my neck. So she takes me to a dermatologist and this is what happens. The doctor walks in.)

Doctor: “I have good news and bad news.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I don’t know why he said this. I don’t know if he was trying to put me at ease.)

Doctor: “Bad news is you got vitiligo.”

(Vitiligo is an autoimmune disorder where your white blood cells destroy your melanin.)

Doctor: “And the good news is you’re white.”

Sickly Sweet Smile

, , , | Friendly | June 22, 2017

(Some friends and I have driven into the city for a fun day out. The friend who drove is a safe driver, but he tends to turn the car too hard and stop too roughly for people prone to motion sickness. By the time we arrive, I’m very carsick and trying desperately not to throw up. I get out of the car and sit on a nearby curb with my head in my hands. My friends are milling around, fretting over me, and it should be clear to anyone watching that I’m not feeling well. A group of men we don’t know passes by and stops to look at us.)

Random Man: *talking to me* “Hey, you should smile. You’ll look prettier.”

Me: *gaping at him in disbelief, too nauseous to speak*

Random Man: *looking pleased with himself, like he just gave some amazing life advice*

(Unfortunately, I was too sick to respond before he walked away. I wish now that I had walked over to him and thrown up on his expensive-looking shoes.)

Needling Past The Obvious

, , , | Working | June 21, 2017

(One of my friends needs to have her blood drawn for a medical analysis. My friend wears a lot of piercings on her face.)

Me: *to my friend when she gets out* “Was everything okay?”

Friend: “Oh, yes! But something funny happened.”

Me & Girlfriend: “What?”

Friend: “The nurse saw my face, and still asked me if I was afraid of needles.”

That’s A Pretty Weighty Assumption

, , , , | Working | June 20, 2017

(I’m at my primary physician’s office, waiting for my annual checkup.)

Nurse: “Let’s get some basic measurements before you see the doctor!”

Me: Okay!

(All goes well until…)

Nurse: “Now, do you remember approximately how much you weigh?”

Me: “…”

Nurse: “If you don’t remember or don’t know, we can weigh you!”

(Isn’t accuracy or making sure I don’t lie the whole point of taking these measurements AT the doctor’s office?)

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