I worked at a chicken fast food restaurant for about six months as my first job, and this happened toward the end of my stay.

One of our managers was pretty strict with us in order to keep up with time and company policy, but we didn’t mind as he usually worked on the line with us rather than sitting in the office all day. And he did not have patience for rude people.

On one typical military payday Friday (in towns next to military bases, all soldiers come in force on payday), we were slammed, and [Manager] was working the register when a lady ordered one of our twelve-piece buckets, biscuits and all.

Usually, you can save some money by ordering them as a meal, and it gives you drinks, as well. So, as usual, he asked what drink she wanted, intending to make it a meal automatically. She declined the drinks. He tried to explain.

Manager: “Ma’am, if we make it a meal, you’ll—”

Customer: “I don’t care. I don’t need drinks.”

As I said before, he hates rude people, so he immediately shut up and smiled at me.

Manager: “[My Name], can I get a twelve-piece family fill-up? And don’t worry about the drinks.” 

Then, he turned to the customer and proceeded with the order, which took a moment as he couldn’t simply press the combo button anymore; rather he had to ring up all items themselves. He then had to ring up every single item individually, which racked up the price given the number of items. And then, he finished the order, which was well above what the normal price would be.

It initially went off without a hitch, but unfortunately for us, the family behind her ordered another twelve-piece family fill-up, but they ordered the combo.

As [Manager] was finishing up the second family order, the first one stepped aside to check the bags for everything, and then they heard the second family’s price. [Manager] rang the second family for almost half the price of the first family’s, and the woman stormed over.

Customer: “How come theirs is so cheap? We ordered the same thing!”

[Manager] replied, wearing the standard-issue customer service smile.

Manager: “You said you didn’t want a combo, ma’am, so I rang them up individually, ma’am, so you paid for them, not as a combo, but as the order you insisted on me making, ma’am.”

She then asked for the manager, claiming we were scamming her, to which [Manager] responded by walking behind the wall and coming back two seconds later wearing his manager vest.

Manager: “Hello, I heard we had a problem and I came to see what I can help with.”

The woman grabbed her food and left.

I’m working in a very small kitchenware store. It’s small enough that I know every single product, where it is, and probably how many are left.

Woman: “Do you have any baking sheets for toaster ovens?”

Me: “No, sorry. We don’t have anything for toaster ovens.”

The woman scoffs at me and looks around the store. Suddenly, she yanks an item off the shelf and shoves it in my face.

Woman: “Then what is this?!”

Me: *Pauses* “That’s a cheese grater, ma’am.”

She turns bright red and shoves the grater back on the shelf.

Woman: “Well, it would fit inside a toaster oven!”

She then promptly left the store. Just because it can physically fit inside a toaster oven doesn’t mean it should. That cheese grater wasn’t oven-safe.

I worked in a call center, and after a few years, we had a girl from another project transfer over to our project and take over as team leader.

Something she was stringent about was security. Admittedly, when you have a room of twenty-odd people you work with every day (and hang out with after work), you subconsciously trust each other, and we’d become far too lax.

If we had a piece of paper out on our desk with customer information printed on it, [Team Leader] would stand next to us and glare at us until we finally guessed it and put the paper safely in a folder or in a security box to be shredded if we no longer needed it. Something else she was strict about was employees stepping out of the room without locking their computers, as we didn’t like having to enter an annoyingly long password after coming back from simply grabbing a cup of water from the cooler in the hallway.

This was a bad habit we needed to break, especially since our previous team leader never enforced it. But it seemed like no matter how hard and heavy she’d come down on us, we’d just keep forgetting.

Then, one day, I made a quick dash outside after noticing the project manager passing by in the hallway. After a brief forty-five-second conversation, I ducked back in to see the team leader comfortably seated at my desk and humming to herself. My first guess was that she was examining a transaction I had done, so I didn’t think anything of it… until I sauntered over and immediately noticed that she had my email client open and was emailing the human resources manager:

Email: “Hey, jerk! YOU SUCK! And your wife is fat as a cow! Your daughter is so ugly, it gives Freddy Krueger nightmares!”

Me: “What the h*** are you doing?”

She pressed the send button.

Me: “WHAT THE H*** ARE YOU DOING?! THAT’S MY EMAIL ACCOUNT!”

I tried to reach for the keyboard, but she nudged my hand away.

Team Leader: “Nope. Stand right there.”

She then opened a browser and started Googling things like “big booty girls,” “panty sniffers support groups,” and, “Is it weird that I’m attracted to my sister?”

Me: “I don’t what kind of a joke this is, but the IT department sees things we browse on the Internet—”

Team Leader: *Big grin* “Mm-hmm! They sure do!”

Me: “I’m trying to see what’s so funny here because, so far, I’m not laughing.”

Team Leader: “That’s because there isn’t anything funny to laugh at. LOCK YOUR COMPUTER WHEN YOUR RUMP IS NOT PLANTED IN FRONT OF IT! You have no idea who is doing what on your computer when you are away. You can talk all you want about how you all know and trust each other, but what about people outside the project? A year ago, someone in the accounting office stepped out to smoke a cigarette and left her computer open. Someone dipped in and sent a rude message to a customer that had been aggravating him. How many late-night shifts have there been where there were only two or three of you, it had been hours since anyone called, and you both took a quick break outside?”

Me: “Oh… I guess if you put it that way… but are you gonna tell them—”

Team Leader: *Getting up* “The HR manager already knows about the email and Google searches. I cleared it with him first because I just can’t seem to get through to you guys that this is serious.”

Point definitely taken! People began being vigilant about locking their systems when away after that.

About a week later, I casually logged onto my workstation and saw that my wallpaper had been replaced with a photo of Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber, and the desktop themes had been changed to pink and glitter. (Note: I was a thirty-five-year-old man!). My web browser had been changed with pink Hello Kitty themes. My files had been replaced with Miley Cyrus photos.

I looked over at the team leader and just folded my arms.

Me: *Deep sigh* “How did you get into my system?”

Team Leader: *Smiling* “It wasn’t very hard at all!” *Nodding toward my desk*

Me: *Looking around* “What?!”

Team Leader: “Warmer… warmer… definitely heating up… There ya go!”

Me: *Picking up my notebook* “This?! It just has all my work notes from cases I was working on.” *Flipping through the pages*

Team Leader: “Mm-hmm…”

Me: *Flipping further* “Just notes!” *Pauses* “Oh.”

I found a sticky note that I’d written my password on and attached to a random page, but I had forgotten about it.

It took two more Justin Bieber/Hello Kitty/Miley Cyrus stunts with other employees to get them to stop writing their passwords down and sticking them in inconspicuous places like under keyboards and calculators or writing them in notebooks that were left out on their desks.

Eventually, we got along with [Team Leader], and we all became aware of how important data security really is and that intrusions really, really do result from simple carelessness.

I see a recipe online for a cinnamon roll apple pie and decide to try and make one for Thanksgiving. However, I bake one in advance to see how it turns out. My dad is practically drooling the entire time I make it and is eager to try.

After it’s done, I instruct my dad to take half of the pie to my grandpa the next time he sees him. A few days later, I see that the pie is finally gone.

Me: “Did Grandpa like the pie?”

Dad: “What are you talking about?”

Me: “I told you to take half the pie for Grandpa to try. Are you telling me you ate the whole thing by yourself?”

Dad: “I’ll admit, I was a little hypnotized by it and might not have heard your instructions. But I’ll just speak on his behalf and say, ‘It was amazing, and please make it again.’”

I’m standing in line with my cart of groceries, waiting to pay. The guy in front of me is being a jerk about an expired one-dollar-off coupon, screaming at maximum volume.

Guy: “YOU WILL TAKE THIS COUPON!”

Cashier: “The coupon expired three months ago, sir.” 

Guy: “DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A F***?! TAKE IT OR ELSE!”

I’m tired and cranky, so I step around my cart and tap the guy on the shoulder to get his attention. I keep my voice at a normal conversational volume level the entire time.

Guy: “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”

Me: “Did you read the latest scientific study about howler monkeys?”

Guy: “WHAT THE F*** DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!”

I step back behind my cart.

Me: “They found that the louder the monkey screams, the smaller its balls are.”

Guy: “WHAT ARE—”

It suddenly registers with him just what I said. He shuts up and his face turns a very angry shade of red. He makes his hands into fists and gives me a death glare.

Cashier: “Cash or card, sir?”

The guy silently pulled a card from his wallet and paid. He gave me another if-looks-could-kill glare as he wheeled his groceries away.