With Some Fast Food, It’s Buy Or Die

, , , , , | Right | May 25, 2021

Our debit/credit machine has broken down in the drive-thru, so we are only able to accept cash as payment. This happens during the global health crisis.

Coworker: *Over headset* “Good morning. Unfortunately, our debit machine is not working at the moment. Are you paying with cash today?”

Customer: “No, I only have my card.”

Coworker: “In that case, we need you to come inside to order so you can use a debit machine.”

Customer: “I can’t come inside; I have that bug everyone’s getting and am supposed to be isolating.”

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Battery Him With Kindness

, , , | Right | April 25, 2021

I need some batteries, which are kept behind the counter so no one steals them.

Me: “Some AA batteries, please.”

The cashier’s eyes actually water up with tears as he gets them for me.

Cashier: “Thank you for treating me like a human being.”

Poor guy. I can only imagine the day he had.

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DVDo Or DVDon’t?

, , , , | Right | March 8, 2021

A few years back, I was shopping for a Father’s Day gift and decided to buy my dad the DVD of a movie we had seen in theatres about six months before. I went into a chain store well known for its loose return practices and bought it without a problem.

Or so I thought. When I presented it to my father, we realised that A, the plastic wrapping on the DVD case was missing, and B, so was the actual DVD. I took it back to the store, almost certain that they wouldn’t believe my story, but to my surprise, they took the empty DVD case back and refunded me. I bought a sealed DVD and was on my way.

I’m not sure who’s worse: me, for being boneheaded enough to not notice that something was wrong with the first case, or the customer service people for accepting a return that I would have pegged as a scam. I’m pretty sure they thought I was full of s*** but had to follow a “make the customer happy no matter what” policy.

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When The Sarcastaball Champion Comes Into The Store

, , , | Right | February 16, 2021

I am stocking shelves with my back to the store and don’t realize a customer has walked up behind me and asked something. She gives a little “ahem” and I turn around immediately.

Me: “Oh, hello! I’m sorry. What did you need?”

Customer: “Excuse me?! Well, nothing now!”

She turns to walk away.

Me: “I’m so sorry; I didn’t see you at first. Was there something you needed?”

Customer: “There was, but I don’t want it now! I can’t believe this!”

She walks back to her companion, takes the item he is holding out of his hands, and puts it on a nearby shelf. Then, she walks up to my manager, and I overhear what has to be the most sarcastic complaint ever. 

Customer: “Oh, I am so sorry. Can you please tell that girl how absolutely sorry I am that I interrupted her very important work with my little question? I cannot believe I would do such a thing and she was obviously oh, so busy that I’m just so ashamed I even thought of asking anything!”

With that, she grabbed her companion and they walked out, her companion looking thoroughly confused. My manager walked up to me and asked what had happened, and even when I explained, she still gave me a verbal warning for not being vigilant enough! I really hated that boss.

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Your Trousers, Maybe

, , , , , | Related | January 18, 2021

I am looking at my four-year-old, and I notice he is getting skinnier.

Me: “Are you getting taller?”

He looks down at his body and shrugs his shoulders.

Me: “You’re definitely getting skinnier!”

He looks at me, very concerned.

Son: “I hope that doesn’t mean my skin will fall off.”

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