(I’m ringing through a guy and his wife who are buying a birthday gift for their daughter. The wife has been checking out the knick knacks near the cash and not really involved in the transaction, and the husband has been gruff but not unfriendly)
Husband: “Do you do gift wrapping here?”
Me: “No, we don’t. Sorry.”
Husband: “Well, why not?”
Me: *honestly unsure how to answer that* “Because… we don’t?”
(For a second he just stares at me and I’m worried he’s going to flip out that I gave him attitude or something, then the wife just starts laughing)
Wife: “Oh my god, I swear you sounded JUST like our daughter when you said that!” *imitates the way I said it* “Because… we don’t?” *more laughter*
Husband: *pretty much ignoring his wife* “So… we can return this if she already has it, right?”
Me: “Of course, just hang on to the receipt.”
Husband: “Thanks!”
(I’m so glad that I apparently made the wife’s day! Wonder if she’ll tell her daughter how much the cashier sounded like her?)

(We move from Edmonton, Alberta — in western Canada — to Halifax, Nova Scotia — on the east coast. My husband is a lifelong fan of the Edmonton sports teams, but they are seldom on TV here; we tend to get games that eastern teams are playing in, instead. So, my husband buys a specialty sports streaming package that guarantees it will broadcast all the games he wants to see. When the first game is supposed to be on, he tries to stream it and gets a notice that it is blacked out for our area. Frustrated, my husband calls the service provider.)

Husband: “I specifically subscribed to this streaming service to watch Edmonton games, and I want to know why they are blacked out for our area.”

Call Centre Rep: “The teams are suffering from low turnout, so a certain number of games have been blacked out ‘in the local area’ to encourage more fans to attend the games in person.”

Husband: “But I am not ‘in the local area.’ We are 3700km away. There’s no way we can just pop in to watch a game.”

Call Centre Rep: “I’m sorry, sir, but Halifax is considered the local area for Edmonton games.”

Husband: “I want to speak to a supervisor.”

(The supervisor told him the same thing: we couldn’t access blacked-out “local” games to encourage us to buy tickets and go watch them live. My husband gave up and cancelled his subscription. The worst part? The call centre was in Montreal, which is directly between Edmonton and Halifax. When my husband asked them if THEY could just pop in to Edmonton to see a game, they told him no, Edmonton and Montreal were too far apart, but they couldn’t understand that Halifax and Edmonton are also too far apart, even though Halifax is even farther from Edmonton than Montreal is!)

Me: “I’d like to rent a truck for four days, but the website will only let me book it for one day.”

Agent: “That’s because it’s a busy time, so we limit all the in-town rentals to 24 hours.”

Me: “There’s no way to get extra days?”

Agent: “Only if you were taking the truck on a one-way trip.”

Me: “Okay, in that case, I will pick it up in [My City] and return it to [City one hour away].”

Agent: “No problem! There we go… four days booked, and your total is [amount].”

Me: “Thanks.”

Agent: “By the way, there’s a 50% discount on a one-way rental if you return the truck to the same city you picked it up in.”

Me: “Ooookay, then, I… will return it to… [My City]?”

Agent: “All right, I’ve changed that, and your new total is [half amount]!”

(I work for a popular Canadian coffee chain.)

Customer: “Do you take American? Hundreds?”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t take AmEx or bills larger than 50s.”

Customer: “What? You don’t take American money at all?”

Me: “What? I… Oh, I’m sorry, usually American means American Express credit cards here. Yes, we take American money; we just don’t take any bills larger than 50.”

Customer: “You don’t take American money?” *passes me a Canadian toonie*

Me: “Yes, we do, we just don’t take—”

Customer: “You should. You’d better. Best country in the world. Best money in the world.” *walks off calmly*

Regular Customer: *in line behind him, doing a fake Trump voice* “Best money ever. The very best. There has never been any better money before our money.”

(I am 9 years old and have recently fallen out of a tree and got a big gash in my arm. I got my stitches and it finally time to take them out. To help not get scared I bring my stuffed animal.)
[Conversation of what happend]
Doctor: so what is your stuffed sheep’s name?
Me: lamby.
Mom: [starts silently laughing]
Doctor: oh.