This weekend, I was on my way home Sunday afternoon with my family. We live in an area that’s somewhere between rural and suburban; lots of forest, widely spaced properties on the main road, and the side roads.

In one of the (slightly) more populated areas, we had to slow down because there was a fender-bender in the other lane, heading back toward the city. Both cars were still there, waiting for tow trucks or emergency vehicles. Behind them, there was a lot of liquid and debris in the road, but my lane, leading away from the city, was clear.

Up ahead, I could see a guy standing in the street, stopping oncoming traffic, presumably so they wouldn’t either drive through the debris or rear-end one of the crashed vehicles. I also had to slow way down because two women were walking away from the accident on my side of the road.

Then, all of a sudden, three cars pull into my lane and start driving straight at me! I slammed on my brakes, pulled over as far as I could (there aren’t very wide shoulders on the road here), and blared my horn because what the actual h***?

THEN, the two women walking on the side of the road run up and start yelling at me to stop because it turns out HE had been WAVING ONCOMING TRAFFIC into my lane, even though no one was stopping traffic on the other side of the accident.

Basically, this guy with three teeth and half as many brain cells just decided to start waving cars into oncoming traffic, and somehow he and these two other women thought I was in the wrong.

The drivers in the oncoming cars looked as panicked as I felt to find themselves almost in a head-on collision with me.

Dude, it’s nice to stop to help at an accident, BUT IT’S NOT HELPING IF YOU CAUSE MORE ACCIDENTS!

I was at the cash register purchasing some last-minute Christmas items. I overhear the following exchange from two women beside me.

Lady #1: “What was the book she wanted?”

Lady #2: “Oh, what was it called… 1984?…”

Lady #1: “Who is it by?”

Lady #2: “No idea.”

Lady #1: “Well, how many books are in the series?”

Lady #2: “I’m not sure… I think it’s just the one so far…”

At this point, I was able to elicit a laugh from the cashier using eye movements, which indicated “are you hearing this s***?”

I’m working front-of-house in a pet store with my manager and a new hire. A couple of first-time pet parents have just arrived with an adorable little golden retriever pup. Since it’s a slow day and there are no other customers demanding my attention, I spend quite some time helping them pick out products, giving them plenty of advice, and admittedly fawning over their little boy.

Once they have everything they need (and a few things they don’t), I’m about to lead them to the front counter to check out when [New Hire] calls out to us with a tone like he just smelled manure.

New Hire: “If you’re done acting like that f****** dog deserves love and affection, you’re supposed to be working.”

I freeze in my tracks, appalled at his attitude. I’ll admit to standing there with my mouth open for a bit before [Manager] steps forward.

Manager: “Right, get out of here.”

New Hire: “What?!”

Manager: “Get out. You’re fired. I don’t need d****ebags working here who think it’s wrong to care about your pets.”

New Hire: “F*** off! It’s a f****** dog! I’m f****** sick of people fawning over mutts like they’re someone’s baby!”

Manager: “Then you’re a horrible human being with no respect for anyone but your own kind. Get out.”

New Hire: “F*** you, you fat—”

Manager: “GET OUT OF MY STORE!”

[New Hire] flees out the front door. [Manager] proceeds to add a gift card to the couple’s purchase as an apology for his behaviour.

A couple of days later, I’m approached by a woman who I discover is my manager’s boss.

Manager’s Boss: “I’m told you were present when [New Hire] was fired.”

Me: “Yes…?”

Manager’s Boss: “Did [Manager] really fire [New Hire] because he insulted someone for caring about their dogs?”

Me: “Yes, he did.”

Manager’s Boss: “And did [New Hire] really insult someone for caring about their dogs?”

Me: “That’s putting it mildly, but yes.”

Manager’s Boss: “Then good riddance to him. I don’t know why someone who looks down on caring about your pets even applied to be hired at a store based on caring for your pets, let alone how he got hired.”

I do believe I may have found my forever workplace.

A little while ago, we came across a news item: our kids’ favourite store-brand breakfast item had been recalled due to possible listeriosis. We checked our freezer, and sure enough, we had two boxes within the affected expiry dates: one opened and one not.

My husband called the store where we bought them. They said to bring them in and go to any cash register, as all cashiers had been trained on product recalls. So, he took them in. But, of course, when he got there, the cashier had no idea what he was talking about, even after he showed them the news story about the recall. So, the cashier called their manager.

Manager: “Why do you want a refund?”

Husband: “Because the product has been recalled due to the possibility of listeriosis.”

Manager: “But this box is opened.”

Husband: “Yes. This news story is from this morning. We didn’t know about the recall when we opened the box.”

Manager: “I can’t give you a full refund for a partially eaten product.”

Husband: “It’s been recalled. It’s not safe to eat. Your company is quoted in this news article saying we can bring it back for a full refund.”

Manager: “But you’ve already eaten some of it. Did you get sick?”

Husband: “Not yet…”

In the end, they did refund my husband, but both the cashier and manager clearly thought my husband was trying to scam them somehow. I have no idea how they didn’t know about a product recall that had already hit the national news… or about food recalls in general.

I am a manager at a supermarket on the night shift. This remains the most baffling reason someone has ever behaved in a manner that got them fired.

[New Hire] has just started his shift today. This is, by his own admission, his first retail job. The night shift restocking can largely be separated into two phases. First, the night’s new arrival of product is emptied onto the shelves, or delivered to the back room if there’s no room on the shelves, and then we bring out stock from the back room to fill up any other empty spaces where applicable.

At the end of the first phase, [New Hire] loads up any of the unplaced product onto a pallet, brings it toward the back room… and makes the corner a little too sharply. I watch as the edge of the pallet slams into the wall, and the pallet jack halts abruptly enough for [New Hire] to end up on his a**. Fortunately, the pile of product on the pallet doesn’t topple, but I still go over to make sure [New Hire] is all right.

[Long-Timer] beats me there and starts yelling.

Long-Timer: “Get the f*** out of here! Yes, you! Get your things and f*** off! Go! Get out!”

Me: “Hey, slow your roll, [Long-Timer]. What do you think you’re doing?”

Long-Timer: “You saw what he did, [My Name]! He needs to f*** off!”

Me: “Okay, first of all, you don’t have the authority to fire people—”

Long-Timer: “I’m not firing him; I’m telling him to f*** off!”

I resist the urge to point out that that’s basically what a firing IS.

Me: “Secondly, [New Hire] hasn’t done anything wrong. Yes, he took the corner a little too hard, but he didn’t hurt anyone or break anything, so—”

Long-Timer: “He f***ed up! He was using the pallet jack, and he f***ed up!”

Me: “That’s… not a good reason for him to leave. [New Hire], are you hurt?”

New Hire: “No, I’m all right.”

Me: “Then carry on. Maybe be a little more careful making turns.”

[New Hire] continues into the back room with the pallet as [Long-Timer] storms up to me.

Long-Timer: “What the f*** is your problem, [My Name]?”

Me: “I should ask you the same thing. It’s his first day.”

Long-Timer: “And he f***ed up! He worked, he f***ed up, and he should be f****** off out of here!”

Me: “That makes absolutely no f****** sense. Get back to work and leave [New Hire] alone.”

[Long-Timer] refuses to leave [New Hire] alone, yelling at him every time he makes even the most irrelevant and inconsequential mistakes. I am constantly having to intervene and get him to leave [New Hire] alone, pointing out that such minor things as “not dragging the product to the front as soon as you’re done” are not things that need to be punished.

At the end of the shift, I inform [Long-Timer] that he needs to cease his hostility or HE is going to be fired.

Long-Timer: “What the f***?! You should be firing [New Hire]! He’s the one who keeps f****** up!”

Me: “What, you think that because he makes a bunch of minor mistakes that he can learn from, he shouldn’t be allowed to keep working here?”

Long-Timer: “Yes! He tried, he f***ed up, and he needs to f*** off!”

Me: “F*** that. I don’t know where you got that attitude, but you need to stop it. Leave him alone, or you’re fired.”

Long-Timer: “F*** you, [My Name]! I’m not letting that f***-up continue!”

Me: “Then you’re fired. Don’t come back tomorrow.”

It has been seven years, and [New Hire] is still here, no longer makes even those minor mistakes, and is one of my best workers. I still have no idea what [Long-Timer] was smoking.