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Other Than A Third Of The Letters, They’re Basically Identical

, , , , , | Healthy | August 29, 2022

I have an unusual four-letter name that everybody gets wrong somehow. For the sake of this story, let’s say it’s Myra.

This happened when I was an intern in a hospital. I had a name tag on my scrubs which often prompted the patients to tell me how pretty and rare it was. One patient, however, still managed to read it wrong.

Patient: “Excuse me, miss… Err, what is your name?”

Me: “It’s Myra, madam.”

Patient: “Nina?”

Me: “No, madam.” *Slowly articulating* “My-ra.”

Patient: “Nina?”

Me: “No, My-ra, like this.”

I showed her my name tag.

Patient: “Nina?”

Me: *Pauses* “Nina it is.”

She called me the wrong name for the rest of my internship. Other than that, she liked me.

Someone’s Lion To You

, , , , , , | Related | August 23, 2022

When I was about to start college, I placed an advertisement searching for anyone who had a room available to rent. I received a warm and friendly email to the tune of, “We’re a small family, kids are in their teens so they won’t be much of a nuisance, the room is really large, we’d love to meet you if you can come by this weekend, etc.”

The email was signed, “[Dad], [Mom], [Teen #1], [Teen #2], and Nala.”

I thought, “Well, that’s odd. Maybe the parents were huge ‘Lion King’ enthusiasts? Who knows? Just keep the wisecracks to yourself; she’s probably heard enough already.”

When I arrived for the scheduled meetup, I was met at the door by the mother and led into the living room where I met the rest of the clan.

Dad: “Hi, I’m [Dad]!”

Teen #1: “[Teen #1]. Nice to meet you!” *Shakes hands*

Teen #2: “[Teen #2].” *Shakes hands*

And I looked over at a third teenage girl sitting off to the side and smiling warmly. 

Me: “And you must be Nala!” *Waving*

She raised her eyebrow in confusion while the dad snickered. She opened her mouth to say something, but the other two teens cut in:

Teen #1 & Teen #2: “Yeah! That’s Nala! Nala, say hello!”

Wearing a “This isn’t funny” expression on her face, she said:

Teen #3: “Nice to meet you!”

We had a great time becoming acquainted with each other and I readily agreed to move in.

The first few months weren’t very remarkable, but I noted that “Nala” didn’t actually live there. She was a niece/cousin and was there practically every day. I also noticed that whenever I’d say, “Hi, Nala,” she’d give me an annoyed look and start to say something, but one of the teens would always cut in and say, “Hey, Nala! Do you know when—” and start a conversation.

It was after about four months when I was finally let in on the joke: “Nala” wasn’t her name. “Nala” was the mom’s pet cat that I had never paid any attention to. 

Embarrassingly enough, as the joke got around, the poor girl couldn’t shake that nickname off for the rest of the time she was in high school.

Getting It Wrong Until They Cry Uncle

, , , , , , , , | Working | August 15, 2022

In the 1950s or ‘60s, my uncle kept getting the electric bill with his name wrong. He called the electric company — let’s say their name was “Home Electric Company” — each month to have his name corrected. It would either not be corrected or would be corrected wrong. 

This happened for a year, with his name always being wrong on the statement. At this point, my uncle started sending his check payment… one month to “Homer Company”, then to “Home Energy Committee”, and next to “House Electrified”. Every month, it would be a variation of the actual company name.

After a number of months like this, the electric company called my uncle. While the bank had been accepting the checks made out wrong, the bank was getting tired of it. The bank said the electric company had to get the customer to make the check out correctly.

Uncle: “You fix the name on my account as I have repeatedly asked to have fixed, and I think my checks for payment will be filled in correctly.”

His name was fixed for the next billing statement.

Sir, You Are Royally Screwed

, , , , , , , | Working | August 15, 2022

I was a team leader for a call center. We had an employee transfer from another project after the respective management there grew irritated with the constant string of complaints from the project stakeholders concerning the quality of his work. They felt that our project was less complex; it was simply handling customer inquiries and complaints. Most of the information needed was right at our fingertips, and the training period was only a week long.

Everything seemed to be going smoothly for [Employee] for the first two weeks until the project manager for our team summoned me to his office with a “You can’t be serious” look on his face. He presented me a printed copy of an email that [Employee] had sent to a “particular” staff member.

Email: “Hello, (quote/unquote) [Name that is also a title of a royal monarch]. Aside from your lame nickname, I was called about ticket [number], and I see you put in the notes that the issue is being examined by the IT department and you wrote the customer telling her so. Can you show me the supposed actions of this so-called IT department, where it’s documented, and when it’s supposed to be resolved? Or are you just making up crap that sounds good to the customer so she’ll go away and you can close the ticket? If you’re not sure how to handle a problem that’s complicated, you need to ask someone to help you. Lying to the customers and shuffling the work to someone else creates serious problems for everyone at the company and makes everything worse. I had to do some damage control and apologize to the customer for your dishonesty and unwillingness to do your job. The final thing, when you correspond with a customer, try using your REAL name rather than some stupid nickname. [Royal Monarch Title]? No offense, but grow up!”

I let out a loud sigh and repeatedly banged the back of my head against the wall behind me. The project manager and I both sat there shaking our heads in silence before I picked up the phone.

Me: “[Employee], please log out of your terminal and come to [Project Manager]’s office… Yes, that’s what I said. LOG OUT.”

When he appeared in the office, I had him read over the email and gave him a moment to explain himself. He launched into a spiel about ethics, morals, company image, and blah, blah, blah before I held up my hand and then calmly explained.

Me: “Number one: [Royal Monarch Title] really is our coworker’s real name. Number two: she is the director of operations for our client; she simply doesn’t include her title and position in her email signature to avoid having customers running directly to her over petty issues that are handled by management. Number three: for security reasons, we don’t have access to notes made by our client’s IT department, which is why she makes a note in the ticket that they are addressing the issue so that we all know. Number four: she wants you off the project. Immediately.”

Employee: “Oh… okay. Sorry about that. So, what project am I going to now?”

Project Manager: “That’s the other thing we need to discuss. The Human Resources manager would like to have a word with you.”

The color completely drained from this guy’s face.

And right on cue, the phone rang.

Project Manager: “Hello… Yes, we’re just wrapping up right now. I’ll send him up right now.” *Hangs up* “Good luck!”

Yep, you guessed it — permanent unpaid vacation!

That Must Be Mhairi Confusing For You

, , , , , , , , | Working | August 15, 2022

My coworker is trying to find the correct mailbox for another (new) coworker.

Coworker: “Why is Vah-ry’s name spelt with an M?”

Me: “Mhairi. It’s Gaelic, like in Niamh.”

Coworker: *Laughs* “I have a cousin Niamh. I should have thought of that.”

Sometime later…

Me: “How many cousins do you have, anyway?”

[Coworker] thinks for a moment.

Coworker: “Twenty-two. Oh, wait. I missed one side of the family. Twenty-eight.”

Me: “…”