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Just Lawyered Yourself, Part 3

, , , | Right | July 17, 2021

When customers buy from us, the articles get shipped from our warehouses. If the shipping gets lost either in delivery or return, in most cases, we will ask the customer to fill out a legal statement and send it to us by email. It’s for basic information about the customer, the article that got lost, date, and a signature.

Most customers get it right after one or two errors — sometimes it is just an issue with the picture being big or clear enough to read — but this caller refuses to do it at all because it’s hard.

Caller: “If I — a lawyer! — think it is difficult to fill this out correctly, how difficult do you think it is for a cashier at a grocery store or a 7/11 kiosk?”

Lady… you’d better get down from that high horse. The rest of us are only seeing you from an unflattering angle. 

Related:
Just Lawyered Yourself, Part 2
Just Lawyered Yourself

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This Kid Takes Traffic Safety Very Seriously

, , , , , , | Related | May 28, 2021

Back in 1970, my uncle and aunt took my younger brother, then age four, and me on a trip to the original Legoland in Denmark. 

About halfway there, we were driving on a main road with a speed limit of 80 km/h. As we drove over the top of a hill, there was a sign saying 60 km/h, and immediately after that there was a cable or something running across the road which I was told was used to measure the speed of all the cars driving over it. 

At the bottom of the hill, my uncle was waved to the side of the road by a policeman.

The policeman checked my uncle’s driver’s license, and after a while, he handed him a piece of paper which I now know must have been a fine. He then told my uncle to have a nice day and to drive carefully.

This was the moment my little brother lost all faith in the police, and he asked the policeman: 

Brother: “Aren’t you going to bring him in?”

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Welcome Home! Kind Of.

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 13, 2021

This happened to my friend’s parents around 1980. They lived in one of fourteen almost identical and fairly new apartment blocks at one end of four different car parks.

Fifty or so people from the area were going on a trip and had rented a bus for the day. All of them were picked up at the car park closest to where the aforementioned parents lived. The trip they went on involved quite a lot of drinking and they were far from sober when they got back home.

For reasons unknown, they were all dropped off at the neighbouring car park to the one they’d been picked up at. The parents in question didn’t notice and went to what they thought was their block of apartments. It wasn’t; theirs was four blocks away. They went into what they thought was their apartment, and only after having taken off their coats and shoes did they notice that they were in the wrong place.

The person living there was apparently a heavy sleeper because they managed to leave without anyone noticing.

I don’t know if the door wasn’t locked or if the key just happened to fit. There are more than 1000 apartments in those fourteen blocks and I’m sure there were a lot fewer different apartment key combinations installed back then.

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NO. SLEEP. ‘TIL HISTORY CLASS.

, , , , | Learning | March 31, 2021

My mom and I are big fans of a classic rock musician who’s known for giving very long concerts. He’s American and rarely comes to our country, so we naturally jump at the chance to go to one of his concerts in 2016, despite the concert taking place on a weekday. The concert is amazing, but it doesn’t end until almost two o’clock in the morning. I am fifteen years old and have school at eight o’clock the following morning.

As we shuffle out of the venue, I spot a familiar face near me. It’s my history teacher, whose class I have first thing tomorrow morning!

Teacher: “Nice concert, huh, [My name]?”

Me: “Yeah, it was great. See you in a couple of hours!”

We then went our separate ways home. He brought me a cup of coffee the next morning.

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The Only Thing Worse Than A Party Crasher

, , , | Related | March 17, 2021

My youngest sister-in-law moved closer to us a couple of years ago and we have included her and her boyfriend in our friend circle which we have known for approximately ten years. Everybody is in their mid- to late twenties; [Sister-In-Law] and her boyfriend are the youngest.

Our Dutch friends have a summer party every year, and this year, for the first time, they invite [Sister-In-Law] and her boyfriend. The Dutch friends start an email chain as it is a potluck party. 

Sister-In-Law: “We are bringing our friend, [Guest], as well.”

The party hostess is obviously a bit surprised to be told and not asked.

Hostess: “I guess that is okay.”

After a couple of emails about food:

Sister-In-Law’s Boyfriend: *To [Hostess]* “So, do you have a large table where [Guest] can set up?”

Another friend in the group email replies.

Friend: “It’s okay. We are only supposed to bring one or two dishes each. She won’t need a large table.”

Sister-In-Law’s Boyfriend: *As if stating the obvious* “For the health products she is going to sell us, of course. It is amazing what they can do! It has changed our lives!”

My dear husband and I see this email before our Dutch friends and have a discussion on how to politely stop [Sister-In-Law] and her boyfriend from embarrassing themselves further, but while my husband is composing an email to his sister, the hostess responds.

Hostess: “This is our summer party, not a sales party! You can tell [Guest] she is no longer welcome!”

Sister-In-Law: “But everybody will love the products and I promised her I would arrange this.”

Hostess: “NO!”

Host: “Do not bring her!”

Our Dutch friends are graceful and do not uninvite [Sister-In-Law] and her boyfriend, but at the party, both [Sister-In-Law] and her boyfriend still can’t understand that they have done anything wrong or weird.

Sister-In-Law: “Too bad they didn’t want to hear about all the nice products. This would have been such a perfect setting for a sales party.”

I have a distinct feeling [Sister-In-Law] either would have kept the hostess gift herself or would have gotten a discount on her next purchase for “arranging the party.”

In all fairness, I had complained to [Hostess] about [Sister-In-Law]’s immaturity and bad manners a couple of times, so I did not feel too bad for her. Anyway, she was better at shutting [Sister-In-Law]’s antics down than we were.

[Sister-In-Law] and her boyfriend — who became her husband — “saw the light” many more times in the following years, but after a couple of failed tries to “convert” us to whatever nonsense product or fad they were fans of, they realized we were out of pedagogic reach and stopped trying.

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