Knows The Type All Too Well

, , , , , | | Right | July 10, 2019

(I’m working with my manager, a roughly 40-year-old woman who is really pretty. Things are rather slow, and a tipsy man stumbles up and orders a beer.)

Customer: “Hey, you guys must be really lonely here; it must be so boring.”

Me: “We’re okay; we’re working.”

Customer: “I have a lot of money, you know. I’m really high up at work.”

Me: *hands him his change* “That’s nice.”

Customer: “Like, a lot of money.” *sees my manager* “Oh, hello, you’re just my type.”

Manager: *slams down his beer and stares coldly at him* “I’m everybody’s type.”

(I was too busy laughing to see the man’s reaction, but we didn’t hear from him again.)

Wanting The Bread Buttered On Both Sides

, , , | | Right | July 2, 2019

(I haven’t done much retail work, but the one thing I did was as a cashier in a bakery. One day an elderly lady comes in carrying half a loaf of bread in a dish towel. I should note that shrimp salad is a sort of cheese-like spread with tiny chunks of shrimp in it.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but I bought this bread yesterday and it has a hole in it.”

(She then unwraps the half-loaf and shows it to me. It does indeed have an air bubble around the size of a coin.)

Customer: “I was wondering if I could have a refund?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. But I can’t give you a refund, as you have already eaten part of the product.”

Customer: “But my shrimp salad falls through the hole. Do you think you could give me a new loaf, then, in return for this one?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that, either.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, then, can you write a note to the baker himself, and tell him that this bread had a hole in it?”

(I promised her that I would, and she left with her hole-y bread. Bless her heart, she was so sweet and patient about it, and I really wanted to just give her a new bread, but I knew I couldn’t.)

Ask A Stupid Question…

, , , , | | Learning | June 26, 2019

(I major in Latin and Ancient Greek. There are only three people in the class, and as a result, we know each other well and joke a lot. At this point, we have a student teacher who is being supervised by our regular teacher. We are still getting used to the student teacher, and he is still getting used to us, as we are his first class. We are declining Greek nouns at the blackboard from memory, and I accidentally mess up the order of them:)

Student Teacher: *to me* “Do you remember the correct order?”

Me: “No. Otherwise, I would have done it right.”

(I didn’t mean to say it out loud. Everyone laughed, including the student teacher and me. Things were much less awkward afterward.)

A Deficiency In Efficiency

, , , , , , | Working | May 10, 2019

(I’m out shopping and I enter a store, where [Clerk #1] asks me if I need help and I politely tell her I’m just looking. She leaves me alone. I turn around, but I hear this exchange:)

Clerk #2: “Hey, do you need any—“

Clerk #1: “Don’t ask! I’ve already asked her!”

Clerk #2: “Oh, my God, we’re so efficient.”

Broken History

, , , | | Healthy | May 7, 2019

(I fall outside my front door. I still can’t walk on my ankle two days later, and given my rather unfortunate history with broken bones, my parents decide to take me to the hospital to have it x-rayed. I am pretty sure it isn’t broken but better safe than sorry. I have it x-rayed and the doctor comes in with the x-ray picture. She puts it on the wall where we can all see it.)

Doctor: “I don’t think that it is broken, but it is a little hard to tell with all the previous fractures. I sent it to a specialist, just to make sure. If it is broken, we will call you tomorrow.”

Mother: “[My Name] has fortunately only had greenstick fractures so far!”

Doctor: *looks at the big, obvious nick on my bone, then looks at my mum* “No.”

(I cracked up, and the doctor pointed the old break out to my mum. I’d had another fall six months before, but I didn’t bother going to the hospital because I have my own crutches and bandages at home. I had thought it was just a sprain, but apparently not. My ankle was not broken this time, but my parents now take me to the hospital if there’s the slightest chance something is broken.)

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