Dogs Get Frustrated, Too

, , , | Related | January 31, 2019

(I’ve given my two dogs a ball with some treats in each. Suddenly there’s barking from the next room.)

Mum: “What’s going on?”

Me: “It’s [Dog]’s patented treat-extraction technique: lick and bark. She tries to get the treat out with her tongue and, when that doesn’t work, she barks at it.”

Good Customers Help You Weather The Bad Ones

, , , | Right | January 25, 2019

(I work in an ice cream parlour that is very busy during the few hot days of summer we have. This occurs on a day with 28°C (about 82°F) temperatures, which is very high here. An elderly woman with a child in tow storms up to me after I served her a few minutes ago. On her way, she skips a queue of about twenty people.)

Customer #1: “Look at this! This is absolutely horrible!” *she gestures at her ice cream which is beginning to melt*

Me: “I’m very sorry, but since our ice cream is freshly made, some of it hasn’t quite set yet. There are napkins over there in the corner if you want.”

Customer #1: “No! This is unacceptable! I have just paid money for this and I want you to give me a new one!”

Me: “All right, but then I must suggest you either choose peanut, chocolate, or elderflower, since these have been sitting in the freezer for the longest amount of time.”

(The customer completely ignores me and tells me to get her strawberry. I comply, but inform her again that our ice cream is freshly made and not completely set yet. I give her her ice cream and she leaves, but comes back not five minutes later again skipping ahead of the queue.)

Customer #1: “Make the ice cream stop melting!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but as I informed you before—“

Customer #1: “I don’t care; just make it not melt!”

(By now the other customers have started giggling and a man speaks up.)

Customer #2: “Hey, lady, the only way she can make your ice cream stop melting is by changing the weather.”

Customer: *looking at me* “See? This man knows how it’s do—“ *she realizes what she is saying, turns bright red, turns on her heels, and storms out with the child*

Casting You In A Bad Way

, , | Healthy | January 15, 2019

(When I was younger, I kept breaking my arms and legs. This takes place during that period. I think that I was about six years old. I break my right leg during gym class and go to the hospital with my parents. I go through the whole process of having doctors look disbelievingly at me, because surely my leg couldn’t be broken from such a minor fall; I have extremely brittle bones. However, the x-rays confirm that my leg is indeed broken and that I will need a cast. Right after the nurse has finished putting my cast on:)

Nurse: “All done. You can go to your own doctor in six weeks to have the cast removed.”

Me: *looking at my mum* “Mum, why is it my other leg that hurts?”

(The nurse had put the cast on the wrong leg! I can’t really blame her though. it was pretty late, and she was probably tired and overworked. I was tired, too. That is probably why I didn’t speak up about it being the wrong leg sooner.)

When Your Brother Drives You Nuts…

, , , , | Related | January 7, 2019

(My brother tries to offer me some Christmas cookies called peppernuts.)

Brother: “Do you want to nut some peppers?”

(It did not get any more appropriate from there.)

Beggars Belief How Rich They Are

, , , , , | Friendly | November 28, 2018

(I am a university student, and money is beyond tight. I am walking through the station, catching a train home for the holidays, when a beggar stops me, asking for money.)

Beggar: “Hey, you. I need money for a ticket; can you spare me a tenner?”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t have any coins on me.”

Beggar: “That’s okay; I can easily break a hundred for you.”

Me: “Then you have more money than me, so no. Goodbye.”

(She followed me, cursing at me all through the station, until I detoured past a couple of police officers walking by and slipped away.)

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