Unfiltered Story #180433

, , | Unfiltered | December 26, 2019

(Every time you buy a recyclable bottle you pay a small deposit that you can get back when you return it. I’m a store clerk currently training a new hire.)

Customer: “I placed two bottles.”

(The customer starts staring intently down his wallet.)

Me: *to the new hire* “Just go and look and confirm that.”

(We both see one bottle.)

Me: “Now go ahead and subtract that single bottle from the total.”

New Hire: “All right, sir, your total is [total minus one bottle].”

(Customer pays and smirks.)

Customer: “See, and that’s why you should always check, next time I’ll just say five and have you subtract that.”

 (Leaves.)

New Hire: “Does he… seriously think he cheated us?”

Me: “Yeah… well, that’ll teach you to always check.”

This Story Has A Lot Of Paragraphs

, , , , | Legal | December 20, 2019

(I’m a truck driver and have been for 18 years now. I drive on this particular road every day, so I know it well. Due to previous colleagues and bosses over the years trying to make me work faster by saying this or that is actually allowed, even though it isn’t, I’ve started examining the various laws to make sure I don’t do anything that would get me fined by the police. Along the way, I’ve discovered many other unrelated paragraphs that are just fun bonus info. I am on my way back to the company after finishing my last delivery. It is late Friday evening, I am talking to a buddy of mine via headset, and I am almost at my destination when I see a car pull up on my left side and stay there for a bit. Blue lights come on. I pull over and wait while both officers approach me. Throughout most of this exchange, [Officer #1] does the talking while [Officer #2] remains oddly quiet.)

Me: “Evening, officers. What can I do for you tonight?”

Officer #1: “You can start by telling me what you think you’re doing?”

Me: “Um… driving a truck and talking to a friend?” *pulls on headset cord to prove it’s in* “Why do you ask?”

Officer #1: “You’re going 70 in a 90 zone; that can cause some serious situations with people getting annoyed and overtaking when they shouldn’t.”

Me: “Yes?”

Officer #1: “You’re not allowed to drive that slowly!

Me: “How fast should I be going, then?”

Officer #1: “80, at least; otherwise, you will disrupt traffic too much, and when we pulled you over, there were about fifteen cars behind you because you were driving far too slow.”

Me: “80? Hmm, that’s odd.” *turning to [Officer #2]* “Do you agree with your colleague?”

Officer #2: “I do.”

Me: “Okay, then. One question. When you say I’m not allowed to drive slow, are you referring to [traffic law] Paragraph 41, Section 3?”

Officer #1: *jaw dropped* “Um… y-yes, I am.”

Me: “I see… Well, officers, while I totally get why you pulled me over, and I do hate it when other people are driving slower than me on the freeway, according to [traffic law] Paragraph 43, Section 2, trucks like this one are not allowed to go past 70 km/h on roads of this particular classification, even though the signs clearly state a 90 limit. The only place I am legally allowed to drive 80, as you suggested I do ‘at least,’ is on the freeway, which is specified in Paragraph 43, Section 4. I am under no circumstances allowed to drive faster than 80 and never outside of the freeway, so I cannot legally drive any faster than the 70 I was doing when you pulled me over.”

(I could almost hear the pin drop at the same time as their jaws, along with the gears in their head trying to comprehend what just happened.)

Officer #1: “O-okay, then… I guess there’s no reason to stay mad at you, then.”

Me: “That would be a waste of energy.”

Officer #2: “If you would just blow into this breathalyzer before we leave, we’ll let you get on your way.”

(I blow.)

Officer #2: “It’s 0.0; you’re good to go.”

Me: “Thank you and goodnight.”

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The Explanation Flu Over His Head

, , , , | Right | December 12, 2019

(As part of an awareness campaign, there are a few stands at a major public transit hub where people can get a quick, free medical check and advice on whether they are at risk for heart disease and so on. We are also handing out bottled water, hula hoops, and balls for kids to play with and take home while the adults are filling out questions, being measured, or talking with the nurses. All of us are wearing dark blue T-shirts with the company logo on them. Entirely unrelated, there are people handing out flyers about the swine flu vaccine. These people are wearing yellow T-shirts with another company’s logo on them. I am on my way to a break when an elderly man comes up to me, holding the pamphlet the other company is handing out.)

Elderly Man: “Okay, just give me the shot.”

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t give shots here. This is a medical check-up to see if you’re at risk for heart disease, diabetes, and so on.”

Elderly Man: “But you’re handing out these flyers, telling me I need to get a shot.”

Me: “Sir, those people are from a different company and, as you’ll read in the pamphlet, you have to make an appointment with your doctor and he’ll give you the vaccine.”

Elderly Man: “But you’re right here.”

Me: “Yes, but, again, we don’t have any shots here.”

Elderly Man: “But I need to get a shot!” *waving the flyer in my face*

Me: “I understand, sir, but you really need to call your doctor and make an appointment for that. We simply can’t help you here.”

Elderly Man: “You just want me to die!”

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Wrong Kind Of Hot Dog

, , , | Right | December 8, 2019

(I work in a cafe that sells bagels.)

Me: “Welcome! What can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’d like a beagle.”

Me: “Sorry, a what?”

Customer: “A beagle, please.”

Me: “I am sorry, but we don’t sell beagles here.”

Customer: “Oh. Ooooh. You know what, I am actually glad. A bagel it is, then!”

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You Couldn’t Maki It Up

, , , | Right | November 21, 2019

(I’m working at a Japanese cafe in Denmark which was started by a woman who teaches Japanese at evening classes here. She opened the cafe for her students to experience homely Japanese cooking, as well as showing the local city that Japan is far more than sushi; therefore, sushi is not on the menu, but we do have a lot of other dishes. This takes place when I am preparing onigiris — Japanese rice balls — and it’s half an hour until we open. However, due to the current heatwave over here, we have the front door and the backdoor open to make a draft to cool things off. Two customers enter and I notice them. I calmly approach them. These customers are of Eastern Asian descent.)

Me: “Pardon me, but we’re not open for another thirty minutes. The only reason the door is open is to get some air in due to the heatwave.”

(They just stare at me and blink, only to then ignore me and start looking around the cafe. Since we do have a fair bit of Japanese items for sale in the front of the cafe, I think I’ll just let them wander and have a little look around while I finish preparing those onigiris. Suddenly, one of the women speaks up.)

Woman #1: “I’d like some sushi, please.”

Me: “First and foremost, we’re not even open, as I told you five minutes ago. And second, we don’t serve sushi here, sorry to say.”

(I then explain the reasons behind why we don’t and suddenly, things turn sour.)

Woman #1: “Why don’t you sell sushi? Go back there and make me some sushi now. I am the customer and you must do what I say.”

Woman #2: “She’s right. You must make it for her; otherwise, we won’t be pleased.”

Me: “As I said, we do not sell sushi here. There are other places that sell sushi around here, but we don’t. As mentioned, the owner would like to show that Japan is more than sushi.”

([Woman #1] folds her arms and lets out a “hmph” sound, then turns around with the other woman. Before leaving, she looks back at me and says:)

Woman #1: “You know you’re going to fail anyway if you don’t sell sushi; in a year this cafe is long gone.”

(They left and I was just stood there, baffled.)

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