You’re All Equally Poorly Received

, , , | Right | December 13, 2017

(I work in an amusement park. Normally children are happy, but the parents will cause you a lot of trouble, because everything suddenly is YOUR fault, even though it’s not. I’m at the entrance to the outdoor water play area which is divided into two parts: the big area and the small one. To enter the big one, children under the age of five must be with a responsible adult, and the adult has to shower completely and take their shoes off first, for hygienic reasons. All these rules are clearly stated at more than one sign. A dad is coming up to the entrance, along with a very small girl who is wearing a swimming diaper.)

Me: “Hello there!” *to the girl* “How old are you, my friend?”

(She holds up three fingers.)

Dad: “She is three and a half, actually.”

Me: “Well, people under the age of five must be accompanied by an adult, and—”

Dad: “Yes, yes, I’ll go with her!”

Me: “…but then you have to shower first—” *points at sign right next to me* “—for hygienic reasons. So, I’ll recommend that you change to swimwear.”

Dad: “But I don’t have swimwear! Don’t be a fool and let my daughter in!”

Me: “I can’t, sorry. But you can take her to the small play area. You don’t have to shower to take her.”

Dad: “But she wants to go in there! Why can’t she?”

Me: “Because she isn’t five yet. Children under the age of five must be accompanied by an adult, as stated at the sign over there.”

Dad: “But what about that girl? She clearly isn’t five, either!”

Me: “Well, I don’t know about that, but her parents told me she was, so I have to believe them.”

Dad: “So, can’t I just tell you she’s also five?!”

Me: “You already told me otherwise, so I would know you were lying. I’m very sorry, but I can’t let her in without an adult.”

(At this point it gets very annoying having to explain the same thing over and over again.)

Dad: “It’s because of our color, isn’t it?” *the family is Indian*

Me: “Excuse me?!”

Dad: “You heard me. You just don’t want people like us in here.”

Me: “No, believe me. I’m treating you just as poorly as I’m treating the rest of our guests. I’m just following the rules, and I’ll do my very best to make you do the same!”

(The guests left, angrily. My manager told me to maybe phrase it another way next time.)

It’s “Just” Behind-The-Counter Banter

, , , | Working | December 6, 2017

(It’s my first day as a sales assistant, and I’m being shown around by another employee. As my manager exits the stockroom, this happens. I am one of only two female employees. My manager is male.)

Me: “All right, I’m ready to work. Where do you want me?”

Manager: *completely deadpan* “Behind the counter, but we’ll do that during lunch.” *wink*

Other Employee: *snickers*

Me: “Do I get hazard payment for that?”

Manager: *laughs loudly* “I think you’ll do just fine here.”

This Conversation Is Revolving Nowhere

, , , | Right | November 15, 2017

(I work as a cashier in a supermarket. We’re just about to close, and I am counting the money in the cash registers in order to close them. A customer approaches me.)

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I was just wondering: does your revolving door always go that way around?”

Me: *surprised* “I haven’t really noticed, to be honest, but I sup—”

Customer: “It’s the wrong way, you see.”

Me: “Excuse me, the wrong way?”

Customer: “Yes, it goes the wrong way around. Can’t you see?”

Me: “I’m not quite sure that I know what you mean by ‘the wrong way around?’”

Customer: “You see, the door goes the other way around in every other store.”

Me: “Well, I’m sure there’s a reas—”

Customer: “It is supposed to go the other way around so that you walk around the same way as in a roundabout.”

Me: “Uh… I guess you could say that it goes clockwise, too?”

Customer: “Yes, and that’s wrong.”

Me: “I’m sure there’s a good reason if it’s not like in every other store as you say.”

(I pause and think for a second.)

Me: “Ah, I know. See, if it goes this way around, people exiting won’t have to cross paths with people entering.”

Customer: “I’m sure it goes the other way around in your other store in [Town].”

Me: “Well, I wouldn’t know, but they probably also have their reas–“

(The man calls to his wife, who has been browsing flowers near the entrance.)

Customer: “[Wife], didn’t you notice that the door—”

Wife: “—goes the wrong way around. Yes, I noticed that, too!”

Me: “Uh… Is there anything I can do for you? Because if not, I really need to get back to counting.”

Wife: “No, it’s fine, my dear.”

(The couple proceeds to talk about this literally two meters away from me, rather loudly, as if they are trying to convince me or something. This makes it hard for me to keep the right count. After a couple of minutes, they just leave the store without looking at anything in particular or buying anything. My coworker, who overheard everything, comes to help me close the store.)

Coworker: “I wonder what he wanted you to do about it. Make it go the other way around, just like that?”

Comeback To That Comeback

, , , , , , | Related | October 17, 2017

(I don’t catch the first part of this conversation, but the gist of it is: My brother-in-law makes a comment to my niece, she makes a comeback, and is told off for it with this parenting gem.)

Sister: “I don’t care if you’re insulting, just so long as you’re witty! Now, something that might have made a better comeback..” *whispers into [Niece]’s ear*

Niece: “Okay. Daddy, can you say it again?”

Brother-In-Law: “[Niece], I have a bag here; I’d like you to put your attitude into it.”

Niece: “Silly Daddy, my attitude wouldn’t be able to fit.”

Wearing Me Out

, , , , | Learning | September 28, 2017

(At a “How To Get A Job” course, we’re talking about interviews and how to dress for them.)

Lecturer: “How do you know how to dress to suit a given job?”

Student #1: “You could call and ask.”

Student #2: *mimes holding a phone* “Hi. What are you wearing?”

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