(A customer wishes to pay with her debit card. I flip it over and see that it says ‘see ID’.)

Me: “May I please see your ID?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It says ‘see ID’.”

Customer: “No it doesn’t!”

Me: “Yes, it does.”

(I show her the small writing that says ‘See ID’.)

Customer: “I know that’s there.”

Me: “Then may I see your ID?”

Customer: “That doesn’t apply to me.”

Me: “I don’t understand.”

Customer: “I put that there so that you can catch thieves that might use my card. It only applies to thieves, not me!”

This story is part of our Identity Theft roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 True Stories About Scammers Who Failed Miserably!

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(A customer comes in to get a replacement debit card. Lost cards attract a replacement fee, but for stolen cards, the fee is waived.)

Customer: “I need to cancel my debit card and get a new one.”

Me: “No problem. Was it lost or stolen?”

Customer: *looks a bit confused* “I’ve only just noticed it’s missing. Does it make a difference?”

(I explain about the replacement card fee.)

Customer: “Yeah, I think it must have been stolen when I left my wallet in the car earlier.”

Me: “No problem. Do you happen to have any ID on you?”

Customer: “Sure.”

(The customer pulls out an old, tattered wallet that also clearly contains a reasonable amount of cash, and gets a driver’s license out.)

Me: “Thanks. You were pretty lucky.”

Customer: “How come?”

Me: “Lucky they only stole your debit card from your wallet.”

Customer: *suddenly looking guilty* “Yeah.”

(Pause.)

Customer: “So I’m going to be charged the replacement card fee?”

Me: “Yeah.”

This story is part of our Customers Caught Lying roundup!

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Customer: “Excuse me, where is the tea?”

Me: “Right this way.”

Customer: “Do you have any tea that isn’t fair trade?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Do you have any tea that isn’t fair trade? It’s more expensive!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you are missing the point.”

Customer: “It’s more expensive! That isn’t very fair to me!”

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(This bakery is a vintage style, family-owned bakery with custom names for each product.)

Customer: “As a man of the cloth, I know this is a weird order. But could I get a Hazel Feelgood and a Drunk Blondie?”

This story is part of our Small Business roundup!

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Customer: “What sort of fuel economy does this one have?”

Me: “Sir, you’re in the wrong lot. That’s another customer’s car.”

Customer: “So, this one’s reserved? What about the blue one over there?”

Me: “You need to go back to the front of the building. These are all the cars that other customers drove here in.”

Customer: “Wait, what? So I can just drive them?”

Me: “No. You can test-drive a specific unit of each of our models, but these cars belong to other people.”

Customer: “So you’re just going to deprive me of everything? Fine! I’m leaving!”

(He kicks another car on the way out.)

Customer: “Wait… F***! That’s mine!”

This story is part of our Bad-Listener Customers roundup!

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