The Customer-Stopper 3000!

, , , | Right | August 16, 2020

I’m working the evening shift at a copy place and all of the machines are running a giant order we took that morning. This job has been running non-stop since then and will keep running well into the next evening. I don’t remember the exact number, but the order was quoted at about $3000. The boss also gave orders that we use every machine possible in the shop and not to let any other customer interrupt the printing.

While I’m loading paper into one of the machines, a customer walks in asking for me to print a couple of pages for him. I have to refuse the sale because I can’t delay one job for another that would definitely be under $5.

He gets irate when I tell him all the machines are in use and points to the one I was loading paper into saying, “What about that one? It’s not running right now.”

The devil on my shoulder speaks up before the angel on the other can do anything and I say, “Because I’ve been standing here arguing with you instead of doing my job. The second I close this door, it will continue printing what has already been sent to it. I could delete what was printing—” There’s no pause function. “—but you’d have to pay me more than what the other customer’s job was worth because it will risk delaying the completion of their order and we will be out $3000.”

In order to complete my point, despite it being only half full, I close the paper tray’s door and the machine whirs back to life. The customer watches the pages print for half a minute while I stand guard and he finally snaps out of it and storms out of the shop.

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Must Think They Have A License To Print Money

, , , , , | Right | July 8, 2020

A customer is ordering printed programs for an event next week. As it is a large order, policy states we provide a quote and have the quote approved before production begins.

Me: “Okay, sir, looks like your total for all 200 books is going to be $350 before sales tax.”

Customer:What?! $350?! I ordered 100 of these at [Our Other Location] and only paid something like $170!”

I pull out a calculator for the customer to view.

Me: “Yes, and $170 multiplied by two is $340.”

Customer’s Wife: “What are you whining about?! It’s exactly what it should be!” *To me* “Go ahead and print, please. Thank you so much!”

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When “Other Stuff” Needs To Be McDefined

, , , | Right | June 20, 2020

In our copy centre, we have prepaid cards for the self-serve copiers.

Customer: “Someone said I could use this card for other stuff if I don’t spend it all on copies?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s like a gift card.”

Customer: “So, what can I buy with it?”

Me: “You can buy paper, or pens, or ink, or whatever.”

Customer: “Oh, cool, okay. So, could I, like, use it at McDonald’s?”

Me: “No.”

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The Turnaround Rebound

, , , | Right | June 12, 2020

It is the week before school starts and our store is extremely busy. It is about eleven in the morning and we have been open for less than two hours.

Customer: “Hi, I’m here to pick up my copy order.”

Me: “Okay, what’s the name?”

Customer: “[Customer].”

I recognize the name right away.

Me: “Oh, you submitted that online right? This morning?”

Customer: “Last night.”

Me: “Oh, well, we were closed by then, so we didn’t get it until this morning. I haven’t had a chance to get to it yet, and it’s actually not due until 3:30.”

Customer: “Well, can you just print it for me right now? I need to take it with me to [City about an hour away] and I need to be there in an hour!”

Me: “Well, there are a lot of files here that I have to open individually, so it’ll take me a few minutes.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “And I have to take care of the line-up first.”

Customer: “What?! You have to ring all those customers in before you print my order?! I need it right now! I submitted it last night and I need it!”

Me: “We were closed when you submitted it, and all orders under $300 have a six-hour turnaround time.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! It’s supposed to be ready in an hour!”

Me: “No, it’s always six hours, and it always tells you what time it should be ready by.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous!”

The customer left in a huff. I didn’t print her order until she came back, because I didn’t know if she was just going to leave without it and then not need it later on and never come back for it.

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Not Very Closed-Minded, Part 35

, , , , | Right | May 28, 2020

I work in a chain office supply store’s copy area. About four months ago, our store hours were changed so that the store closes at 7:00 pm, which is earlier than a lot of other branches, and a lot of customers still haven’t gotten used to it. This customer comes in at about 6:45 pm.

Customer: *Jokingly* “I’m going to be your problem for the rest of the night!”

I chuckle a bit nervously.

Me: “Well, the night only lasts about another fifteen minutes.”

Customer: “Oh, well, who’s coming in to pick up the next shift?”

Me: “There is no next shift; the store closes at seven.”

Customer: “I’ve never heard anything like that before! Every other [Store] that I go to closes at, like, nine!”

Me: “Well, some stores had their hours changed back in April, and we were one of those stores.”

The customer shrugs and then tells me he wants to email us some files to print. He sends each file in a separate email, each of which takes several minutes to show up as he hasn’t optimized the files at all and they are quite large. Several are not even formatted correctly for printing, which means more work and poor prints. We aren’t allowed to ask customers to leave the store, even at close, so by the time I get everything printed it’s about 7:20, and he’s the only customer left in the store.

Customer: “Well, that’s the last one! You’re a real pro, huh? How long have you been working here?”

Me: “Um… about two years. And twenty minutes past close.”

He ignores this and proceeds to place every print very carefully in plastic protectors in a binder. This takes another ten minutes. I am exasperated, shooting apologetic looks at my coworkers.

Me: “Your total is [a very small total].”

Customer: “Oh, well, these couple of prints didn’t come out so well, so I’m not paying for them.”

I just want him to leave, so I take the prints — which are poor quality because of his poor files — and give him his new total, which he pays, and he FINALLY leaves the store.

Coworker: “Oh, my god. What did he even want?!”

Me: “Not even $10 worth of prints that he didn’t even size properly.”

The worst part was that this was the night of my Dad’s birthday, and I was over half an hour late for his birthday dinner!

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 34
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 33
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 32

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