That’s Not How Money Works

, , , | Right | December 29, 2020

I’m at the front counter, helping [Customer #1] while another waits behind him. The customer waiting, [Customer #2], is notorious in our shop. He often feigns being helpless in order to get our employees to help him on the self-service computer. My boss has told me not to help him. From my boss’s experience with this customer, the customer knows how to use a computer but just wants someone else to do all the work for him.

Customer #1: “Hey, can you give me four quarters so I can feed the meter again?”

Me: “Certainly.”

I take his dollar and hand him his change. While [Customer #1] goes out to his car, [Customer #2] comes to the counter.

Customer #2: “Can I get four quarters?”

Me: “Sure.”

I fish out four quarters from our cash drawer and wait for him to hand me a dollar bill.

Customer #2: “Well, can I have them?”

Me: “Sure. Just give me a dollar and I’ll give you your change.”

Customer #2: “You just gave that guy four quarters.”

I am growing frustrated because he’s obviously using his clueless shtick to try to scam us.

Me: “Yes, in exchange for a dollar.”

Customer #2: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”

Realizing I’m not cowed by his sudden outburst, he lowers his voice.

Customer #2: “How come I have to give you a dollar?”

Me: “Because that’s the way change works. I’m not just gonna hand out money from the register.”

While I put the change back into the drawer, [Customer #2] rants about poor customer service and being treated like a scammer while he walks to the front door. By now, [Customer #1] has returned and witnessed the tantrum by [Customer #2].

Customer #1: “What was that about?”

Me: “He wanted me to just hand him a dollar in quarters without giving me anything in exchange.”

[Customer #1] burst out laughing. I joined in laughing as I noticed [Customer #2] glaring at us through the storefront window.

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Touchscreen Has-beens, Part 2

, , , | Right | December 4, 2020

I’m showing someone how to use the self-serve copiers.

Me: “Touch the screen right here.”

Customer: “What do I do?”

Me: “Touch the screen.”

Customer: “Put my card in?”

Me: “No… touch the screen.”

Touchscreen Has-beens

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Taking The Express To A Bad Mood

, , , , | Right | November 8, 2020

I’m the bad customer here. This was 2003, so the technology was not what it is now. I am juggling full-time work and study, so I have taken a precious day off to read a text. Because the text is only provided on CD-ROM; I need it printed so I can highlight and make notes. I take it to the print shop on the afternoon before my day off and pay for express printing. They explain they will have it done first thing tomorrow morning and will call me as soon as it’s done.

The next morning, my husband is home for a bit, so I go for a quick early walk. Upon getting home, I check the answering machine for a message from the print shop: nothing. I then wait and wait and wait. Midday, I still haven’t heard from them, and I can’t find their number, so I drive there, which takes ages due to traffic and parking.

Me: “Hi, I was supposed to have express printing done first thing this morning. It’s now past lunchtime and I haven’t heard anything. Have you even done it? The name is [My Name].”

Employee: “Oh, yes, here it is.”

Me: “You were supposed to call me when it was done. I needed this as soon as possible and paid for express printing. Why didn’t anyone call me?”

Employee: “I’m sorry. I don’t know.”

Me: *Really cranky* “Well, what exactly is the point of me paying for express printing if no one even lets me know when it’s done, like you said you would? What is the point? This has really messed up my day.”

Employee: “I really don’t know what happened—”

Me: *Interrupting* “Never mind. I’ve wasted enough time today.”

I storm out like a stroppy teenager. It takes ages to get home again, so I am reading solidly all afternoon and into the evening, through dinner and in bed.

My husband is about to turn off the light to go to sleep when he says:

Husband: “Oh, someone called early this morning that you had some printing or something waiting to be collected?”


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Wait Until They Discover The Internet!

, , , , | Right | November 6, 2020

I am the customer waiting my turn behind an older woman being helped. The clerk is asking the woman to call and make sure the person has received what was sent. The older woman, however, is getting frustrated and doesn’t understand what is being asked of her.

She turns to me to commiserate and says:

Old Woman: “I can’t stand this newfangled technology!”

The technology in question? A fax.

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Crop Flop

, , | Right | October 6, 2020

I just came back from my break and the store is very busy. My manager is booking in a copy order and asks me to take over so she can help another customer. She explains to me that she is just printing a proof for him, printing his files 8.5×14 on 11×17 cardstock.

Me: “Oh, it looks like your files are sized to fit a full 11×17 page. If you want them 8.5×14, I will have to crop them.”

Customer: “I don’t want them 8.5×14.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought that my manager told me you wanted the images to be 8.5×14. What size do you want them?”

Customer: “11×14.”

Me: “Okay, in that case, I will still have to crop them, since their dimensions fit an 11×17 page perfectly.”

Customer: “No, I sized them 11×14.”

Me: “Hmm, well, they’re not that size now.”

I show him on the screen, where his first image is taking up a full 11×17 page with no image distortion.

Customer: “That’s too big.”

Me: “Yes, it’s too long. I will have to crop the top and bottom if you want it to be 11×14.”

Customer: “No, you just stretched it; I saw you!”

Me: “I didn’t stretch it; I kept the proportions. I just made it bigger so that the width was 11 inches, like you wanted. But it’s too long so it will have to be cropped.”

Customer: “No, don’t make it any bigger! Just print it the way it is!”

Me: “Okay, I can do that, but it’s smaller than 11×14.”

Customer: “That’s what I want.”

Me: *Confused* “Um… okay. I’ll just put it on smaller paper, then.”


Me: “Because if you don’t want me enlarging the photos, they will fit on 8.5×11 paper.”

Customer: “Did I ask for 8.5×11 paper?”

Me: “No, but you just told me that you didn’t want me to make your pictures bigger. And they’re small; they will fit on 8.5×11 paper.”

Customer: “I don’t want it on 8.5×11 paper! I want it on 11×17 paper!”

Me: “Okay, but it’s going to be more expensive for no reason.”

Customer:I don’t care!

After I print a few of his images, he stops me.

Customer: “No! This one’s wrong!”

Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “It’s too small!”

Me: “I didn’t change anything. You told me not to make any of them bigger, so if it’s too small, it’s because you’ve sized it that way.”

Customer: “Ugh, fine, whatever. Just keep printing them.”

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