I used to work in a camera shop, and one of the services we offered was taking passport photos (with an actual camera, not in a booth). 

One day, this guy comes in asking for passport photos, so I say “sure”, pick up the camera, walk around the counter, and pull down the grey backdrop.

 I point to the floor in front of the backdrop and say:

Me: “If you could just stand here, please.”

I walk a few feet away to take the picture. 

I turn around and bring up the camera, only to see that the guy has stood with his back to me, facing the backdrop; his nose must be only inches away from it. 

Keeping my voice perfectly level, I say:

Me: “Okay, if you could just face me…”

He turns around, sees the camera in my hands, and immediately starts to go red. Neither of us mentions it, though, and we complete the transaction.

Afterwards, my manager, who was standing there the whole time, said to me:

Manager: “I have no idea how you kept a straight face…”

A customer came into the camera shop where I was working. He proceeded to ask me a series of increasingly more impossible-to-answer questions about a Nikon camera.

Customer: “How many gears are in this Nikon F?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Customer: “Wow! You’re not a very good salesman!”

By this point, I had been with him for ten minutes (doesn’t sound like a long time, but trust me, it was), and I realized he had no interest in buying anything from us, so I asked him:

Me: “What’s the wheelbase on your car?”

Customer: “My…WHAT?”

Me: “Wow! You’re not a very good driver.”

I’m attending a free “Intro to Photography” class at the community center.

Instructor: “Alright, everyone, welcome! Tonight’s about the basics: light, composition, and using the camera you’ve got. Don’t worry, no jargon, no tech overload. Just a comfortable introduction.”

Half the class nods eagerly, but one guy in the back, arms folded and smirking, raises his hand.

Show-Off: “What’s your stance on full-frame sensors versus crop sensors for dynamic range at higher ISOs?”

Instructor: “Good question. In short, full-frame sensors usually handle noise better because they’ve got more surface area to capture light. But for beginners, the difference isn’t something you’ll notice right away. Composition and lighting will matter more.”

The instructor keeps going, but barely a slide later:

Show-Off: “Yeah, but what about pixel pitch? Doesn’t that make crop sensors superior in certain conditions?”

Instructor: *Still smiling.* “Pixel pitch plays a role, sure, but again, that’s splitting hairs most novices don’t need to worry about. The important thing is learning to control exposure and framing.”

A few people shift in their seats, sensing the tension. The instructor starts a section on the “rule of thirds.”

Show-Off: *Interrupting again.* “Okay, but how does that apply if you’re shooting RAW and planning to crop extensively in post-production?”

Instructor: *Calmly.* “It still applies. Cropping doesn’t change the principles of balance in an image. It just gives you flexibility.”

Show-Off: *Leaning back smugly.* “Hmm. I don’t know about that…”

The class grows restless. The instructor sets down the clicker and looks straight at him.

Instructor: “You know, based on the questions you’re asking, it seems like you already have an advanced level of knowledge of photography.”

Show-Off: *Grinning.* “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

Instructor: “So that means one of two things. Either you came here with the sole intention of showing off how much you know and undermining a free class for novice photographers in the community… just to be an a**hole. Or you’re an idiot who can’t read, because the flyer said ‘Introductory Class.’ Which one is it?”

The room erupts in muffled laughter. The show-off shrinks back in his chair, suddenly very quiet.

Instructor: *Cheerfully to the group.* “Alright. Back to the basics. Who wants to learn how to take a photo without cutting off someone’s head?”

I work in a mall kiosk offering passport photos and novelty photo booth prints. A couple in their 60s approaches the counter, holding a sheet of prints with cartoon sunglasses and sparkles edited onto their faces.

Customer (husband): “Hi, we were trying to get passport photos, but we got these instead.”

Me: “Oh no, that’s from the fun booth. The passport one is on the other side of the kiosk.”

Customer (wife): “We were wondering why the camera told us to ‘strike a pose.'”

Customer (husband): “And then put digital fireworks over our heads.”

After a little laugh, I directed them to the correct booth. They didn’t seem annoyed that they had to pay again, commenting that now they had something fun to put on their fridge door.

Our pharmacy has a passport photo booth. A customer storms out of it and up to me, glaring.

Customer: “Excuse me! This machine just took my photo! It’s not very flattering!”

Me: “Okay, we can reset it if you’d like to take another.”

Customer: “No, I mean it made me look… well, like this! Can you fix that?!”

She’s showing me her passport photos. They look like the standard boring passport photos that everyone has.

Me: “It doesn’t have editing features; besides, passport photos have to be accurate.”

Customer: “But I don’t look like this! This makes me look angry!” *Glares harder.*

Me: “…Imagine that.”

Related:
Passport Photos Are Supposed To Look Miserable