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You “Don’t Do Contracts”, I Don’t Do The Job

, , , | Right | January 8, 2023

I do some freelance photography work on the side to help fund my photography hobby. I’ve done a couple of small shows for a couple of friends’ bands, and I have gotten some great feedback on the photos that I’ve taken. One of the local promoters took notice of the traction I was gaining with the local scene.

Client: “I’m putting on a battle of the bands over the next couple of months. Would you be interested in taking pictures?”

Me: “Well, that’s six shows, each show is about four hours long, and I’ll need to do about six hours of editing and sorting per set. I’m definitely interested, but since it’s such a large undertaking, I would need to discuss compensation.”

Client: “Okay. Cool. Well, don’t do it if it’s an ordeal.”

Me: “It’s no ordeal; I can get a contract over to you to sign by tomorrow.”

Client: “If it’s a pain, don’t worry about it.”

This is when I realized that he wanted this to be done for free but wasn’t saying it outright.

Me: “It’s not a pain; it’s just the time involved. I enjoy doing it. It’s a side job for me, though.”

Client: “If you have the free time, come down. If not, no biggie. Everything we have for the budget is tied up in the show.”

Translation: “Come shoot it for free anyway.”

Me: “With editing, each show is at least eight to ten hours of work for me. If I’m going to do that, I need to be paid. I’m into the event, so I’d be willing to do it for $150 per show, which is really cheap for what I’m doing. If you want, I can put together a contract for you and you can have a look.”

Client: “I completely understand.”

No, you don’t.

Client: “It’s a lot of work to take pictures all night.”

The photos are the easy part.

Client: “I personally don’t do contracts of any kind. So sending me anything wouldn’t matter.”

Translation: “I still want you to come and shoot for free, and I’m terrified of contracts, so I won’t agree to one because I don’t want to be legally bound to my end of a deal.”

Me: “Contracts are pretty great. They just make sure everyone holds up their end of the deal.”

I never heard back.

Not Ready For Duh-gital

, , , , , | Right | December 29, 2022

A lady comes into my store.

Customer: “I need a new digital camera.”

Me: “Is there an issue with your previous one?”

Customer: “My old one is full of pictures.”

Me: “Can you replace the memory card?”

Customer: “The memory what now?”

Me: “…I think I understand your issue.”

She had a very eye-opening visit and bought a new memory card.

It’s All Right There In Black And White, Part 2

, , , , | Right | December 28, 2022

I work in an archive. People come by pretty regularly to look at old photos of the city, which we can scan and reprint for them.

Patron: “I want a copy of this old picture.”

They indicate a hundred-plus-year-old picture.

Me: “Certainly, I can scan that for you and—”

Patron: “But can I get it in color?”

Me: “…no.”

Patron: “But I would prefer it in color.”

Me: “It’s an old picture. It’s only available in black and white.”

Patron: *Sighs* “Why is it when pictures get old, the color always fades with time?” *Leaves forlornly*

It’s All Right There In Black And White

Not Touching This, Even With A Hundred-Foot Pole

, , , , , | Right | December 18, 2022

I work as a fashion photographer. I was contacted by a small local store selling men’s fashion about shooting their new campaign and photos for their online catalog. The client was polite and friendly, but he had absolutely no idea how ridiculous his expectations were.

Client: “We need a few outdoor shots for the campaign — simple elegant shots with three models on a nice outdoor location.”

Me: “Got it. I can schedule that as soon as we’re done here.”

Client: “Now, regarding the online catalog, we will need all items photographed from every angle so you can create a 3D animation for us in Photoshop. We want this shot in front of a green screen so you can then add different special effects, like in the movies. We’re talking about a few hundred items from all angles in the studio and a few dozen images for the campaign. We booked the studio for two and a half hours. That should be more than enough.”

Me: *Completely overwhelmed* “Wha… what? I’m sorry, that’s—”

Client: “We can pay $100 for all the photos, and I guess you can throw in the editing, the 3D animation, and the special effects for free?”

Me: “…”

Client: “Oh, and we don’t want any logos or brand names to be visible on any of the items. We import cheap stuff from abroad, so we don’t want our competition to see which brands we’re selling and copy our ideas. We need you to delete all brand names and logos in Photoshop.”

Before I even had a chance to politely decline the job offer, they asked me for the number of another photographer because I was too expensive and they wanted to get it done for less than a hundred bucks.

The Revolution Will Not Be Photographed

, , , | Right | December 17, 2022

I answered an ad looking for event photographers advertising $200 per gig. That’s pretty low for me, but I could use the extra cash here and there, so I emailed them my portfolio.

Client: “We took a look at your work and really liked what we saw here is what we are looking for…” [Sic]

The lack of sentence and paragraph structure in the email was a red flag, but I decided to entertain it anyway.

Me: “Okay, that’s great. So, what is the next step in getting started with you?”

Client: “We have many connections to promoters throughout the city. I will send you to their events to shoot. The only problem is that they don’t pay the photographers, but together, we can change that!”

Me: “So, are you telling me that there is no payment for these events? You advertised $200 per gig. Why would you not just say this was an internship if there wasn’t going to be any payment? I don’t understand. Is this a paying position or isn’t it?”

There was no response to this email initially, so I followed up with them again, a bit annoyed this time.

Client: “Some events will; some won’t. Most of them won’t, but we’re working on changing that.”

Me: “Thank you for wasting my time.”

I got no time for your revolution, man.