Really Rhea-lly Honest

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Right | December 15, 2015

(An older gentleman comes into my section of the store late one afternoon. We’ve been very slow, so I’m excited to have something to do. The following conversation ensues:)

Me: *smiling* “Hello, sir! How are you today?”

Customer: *grumbles* “Eh, I’ve seen better days.”

Me: “Aw… it can’t be—”

Customer: “I woke up at four am with diarrhea.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “But at least it wasn’t gonorrhea!”

Me: “…That’s true. Let me get you those copies.”

(After being in retail for three-and-a-half years, I honestly don’t know if some people have a filter!)

One Copy With Cream Cheese, Please

| WV, USA | Right | December 4, 2015

(I work in a copy/print center and I work behind a counter that has five large copiers all around me and a twenty-foot wall sign that says “Copy and Print Center.”)

Customer: “Do you make copies here?”

Me: “Nope, I make bagels. Would you like one?”

Making It Rain Laminated Sheets

| Canada | Right | October 28, 2015

(An older gentleman approaches the counter, with an abrupt manner about him.)

Customer: “Do you do laminating here?”

Me: “Yep, sure do!”

(Before I can explain pricing or options or anything, he cuts me off:)

Customer: “Well, where is it? Is it a machine in self-serve, or do I have to give you the items, or what?”

Me: “Oh, it gets done here, behind the counter. What are you looking to get laminated today?”

(He reaches into his pocket and gets out his wallet. That’s not that unusual; people frequently get business cards or small wallet-sized photo laminated. However, instead of getting anything like that out, I see he’s opened the bill portion and is pulling out a $100 bill… and another… and another… and another, until he’s holding out ten $100 bills. He holds them out to me like it’s nothing, a strange smugness about him. In my surprise over it, it takes me a second to actually respond, but eventually I take a step back and hold my hands up and shaking my head;)

Me: “I… can’t laminate that.”

Customer: “What?! Well, why not? What’s wrong with it!”

Me: “It’s illegal for me to laminate any kind of currency.”

Customer: “What?! What do you mean? How is that possible? Just laminate it!”

Me: “Well, even if I COULD laminate it… It would get ruined in the machine… Like, it would melt. You know these bills are made of something similar to plastic, right? And the laminate sheet is its own sort of plastic. The heat from the machine would make the bills illegible.”

Customer: “What do you mean? Just run them through.”

Me: “The heat would ruin them. They would melt together with the plastic of the laminate sleeve, probably ‘bleeding’ and blurring…”

(I had no idea if that would happen or not, I just knew that they couldn’t go through the machine because they’d sustain some sort of damage, and also it is illegal. He looked entirely displeased and put out, but then shoved the bills back into his wallet and stormed away. I turned to my coworker who was with me at the time, looking at her in disbelief, and she shrugged.)

Coworker: “Maybe he had some big bill to pay, and he’s trying to be a smart-a** about it.”

Two Copyrights Still Make It Wrong

| Absecon, NJ, USA | Right | September 12, 2015

(If a photo is professionally taken, the photographer legally owns the picture, and we need a release form from them to make a copy of it. It doesn’t matter if it is a picture of you, your child, whatever; they still own that picture. A woman came in to try to make copies of a school photo of her granddaughter.)

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s a professional photo. We legally can’t make copies of it.”

Customer: “Why not? It’s my granddaughter!”

Me: “Yes, but the photographer owns the rights to it. You’d have to get a release form from them for us to make a copy.”

Customer: “Fine. What about this one?”

(The customers hands me the exact same picture, except it is in black and white, not color.)

Me: “…No, still can’t. It’s still a professional photo. It doesn’t matter if it’s not color.”

Customer: “Ugh, fine.”

This Customer Gets Her Own Dedicated Plaque

| ON, Canada | Right | August 28, 2015

Customer: “I’m picking up laminating.”

Me: “Okay, what name is it under?”

Customer: “[Customer Name].”

(I look in the filing system and don’t see any order forms filed under her name.)

Me: “Is there another name it might be under?”

Customer: “[Customer Name].”

Me: “So there aren’t any orders under either of those names. Is there a different name you might have given us when you dropped it off?”

Customer: “No, you called me.”

Me: “Right, but I don’t see it here, so I was just wondering if you gave us a different name.”

Customer: *slowly and condescendingly* “[Customer Name].”

(I ignore the obvious rude and ignorant tone, and proceed to look through ALL files, to see if it was filed wrong. I don’t see the order form anywhere.)

Me: “And it was laminating?”

Customer: “[Customer Name]!”

Me: “I’m asking you what you had done. You had something laminated?”

Customer: “YOU CALLED ME AND SAID IT WAS READY!”

Me: “I understand that. But I don’t see anything here under that name, so I’m trying to narrow down why I don’t see it. Was it laminating?”

Customer: “[Customer Name]!”

(I then look in all the bins and read all the stickers on them to see if we lost the order form, but the order is still in a bin. Nothing.)

Me: “Did someone else pick it up already, maybe?”

Customer: “You called me today! I don’t understand why this is so hard! It’s just a picture!”

Me: “A laminated picture?” *finally realizing she probably meant plaque mounting* “Was it plaqued?”

Customer: “[Customer Name]!”

Me: “I’m not asking for the name, I’m asking if you had it plaque mounted.”

Customer: “[Customer Name]!”

(I look in the area where we keep the plaque mounted pictures, and sure enough, her order is there.)

Me: “It was plaque mounted, not laminated. That’s why I couldn’t find it. They’re in a different spot.”

Customer: “You called me earlier today.”

(I don’t even try anymore. I get her to sign that it was picked up, and say nothing else to her.)

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