Email Fail, Part 27

, , , , | Right | September 10, 2020

I work in a copy shop. We cannot send emails for customers. Our strict privacy policy prevents customers from logging into their own things on store computers, and sending emails for people from our own store email can cause communication problems between the customer and their client/friend/whatever. It is against store policy. The self-serve computer automatically deletes everything when a customer is done with it

Customer: “I need to get my driver’s license scanned.”

Me: “Okay, I can scan on it onto a flash drive for you, or you can use our self-serve computer and email it if you like.”

Customer: “No, I don’t know how to do that, and I don’t have a flash drive.”

Me: “Okay, well, you can buy a flash drive and I can scan it for you.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to buy a flash drive.”

Me: “If you want to email it, I can help you do it in self-serve. Do you know the password to your email?”

Customer: “No, I’m sending it to my sister.”

Me: “Yes, but you’ll need to send it from an email, as well, and you’ll need your password.”

Customer: “I just do it from my phone.”

Me: “But if you do it at the computer here, you’ll need to know your password. Do you want to buy a flash drive and have me save it on there for you?”

Customer: “I. Just. Want. This. Done.”

Me: “Okay, but I need to know how you want to do it first, before I can help you.”

Customer: “I don’t know what I’m doing!”

Me: “Okay, well, you could also just take a picture of it with your phone and email it directly from your phone.”

Customer: “It. Doesn’t. Work! It’s. Not. Clear. Enough!”

Me: “Okay, you don’t have to be rude to me. I’m trying to help you.”

Customer: “Ugh, some people!”

I notice someone at cash, so I tell her I’ll be right back and I go to ring the customer through. When I come back, she has decided to use the self-serve computer, but she needs my help. I walk her through scanning it and then opening her email.

Me: “Okay, so, go to whichever website you use to check your email, like Hotmail or Gmail.”

Customer: “No, I’m sending it to my sister.”

Me: “Yes, and in order to do that, you need to log into your email.”

Customer:No! I need to send it directly to her!”

Me: “You will be. But you need an email to send it from. Which is yours.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know what I’m doing!”

Clearly… Also, that’s why I’m helping you! Also, if you don’t know what you’re doing, why are you questioning me so much?! The rest of the transaction went smoothly because then she just listened to me. She must have felt bad for snapping at me so much because she thanked me for my help before she left

Email Fail, Part 26
Email Fail, Part 25
Email Fail, Part 24
Email Fail, Part 23
Email Fail, Part 22

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He Is Not Aligned With Reality

, , , | Right | September 8, 2020

A man comes in with several sheaves of paper, each seeming to be some kind of manual. He wants us to cut off a section at the bottom of each sheet, BETWEEN two lines of six-point text, and then bind each one.

Me: “Sir, I have to tell you that I can’t be sure that these will cut right.”

Customer: “What? Why not?”

Me: “You see, sir, the two lines of text you want us to cut between are very close together; the top page might look right, but other pages might have text cut off. And these pages are double-sided, which makes the likelihood of error even greater.”

Customer: “Why would that happen? The text is in the same place on every sheet!”

Me: “Sir, it may look that way to the naked eye, but no printer is that accurate.”

Customer: “I don’t understand; they’re perfectly aligned!”

Me: “Again, they may look aligned, but the cut that you want us to do has a margin of error of hundredths of an inch. If the printing is off by only a little bit — and it will be — the difference will be noticeable.”

Customer: “Well, then, just do one and I’ll see how it comes out!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this job is going to take time, and we have other jobs ahead of you. If you want to leave it with us we can call you when it’s finished, but again, I can’t guarantee the quality.”

Customer: “I don’t want to leave it here! Why should I have to leave it here?”

Me: “We do our jobs in the order that they are received, sir.”

Customer: “Can’t you just call me when you’re done?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Yeah, just give me a call when you’re done with these jobs and then I’ll bring mine back!”

Me: “Sir, not only can I not guarantee when that will be, but we get in jobs all day; we can’t just save you a spot.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

By the way, what he wanted cut off of the documents was the copyright holder’s name, but not the notation that it was copywritten. The name was female.

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They Are The Poster Child Of Vague Requests

, , , | Right | September 8, 2020

I have this conversation with at least three customers a week.

Customer: “I need a poster made.”

Me: “Okay, what size do you need?”

Customer: “You know, poster size!”

Me: “Well, posters come in several sizes, and we print on a roll, so we can make any size you want.”

Customer: “Well, what’s a normal size?”

Me: “Some standard poster sizes are 18×24 or 24×36.”

Customer: “How big are those?”

Cue me dying inside.

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Taxing Faxing, Part 29

, , | Right | September 4, 2020

I am working in the copy section of a retail store. The new girl who worked yesterday messed up a large order which I am working on correcting with the customer. We have a self-serve fax machine. I notice a woman has moved from the machine over to my register.

Me: “Hello. If you don’t want to wait for me to finish, you can go ring up at customer service.”

I point toward the main registers.

She hesitates before walking away to ring up her fax. I continue working with my customer and he eventually goes to walk around the store while I print and finish his order. One of my goofier coworkers walks up.

Coworker: “Geez, [My Name]! You know, there are baby turtles in my pond that are faster than you!”

Me: *Confused* “What?”

Coworker: “You mean you didn’t hear that lady? She was screaming for like fifteen minutes about how slow you are.”

Me: “The lady with the fax? All I did was tell her to ring up over there.”

Coworker: “Yeah, well, apparently, she has a pond and you are slower than her baby turtles.”

My manager eventually came to have a serious talk with me about the complaint. From then on, my coworkers would joke at me about it. What I never understood was how exactly I was slow. Turtle-lady, wherever you are, I wish you could explain it to me.

Taxing Faxing, Part 28
Taxing Faxing, Part 27
Taxing Faxing, Part 26
Taxing Faxing, Part 25
Taxing Faxing, Part 24

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Smartphones Have Dumbed Us Down

, , , , | Right | August 31, 2020

There is a computer work station in our store for customers to use. We put it in because our store policy does not allow us to access things like a customer’s email from our department computer, for security reasons. This happens roughly once a week.

Customer: “How do I get to my email from this computer?”

Me: “Well, you just go to your email provider’s site and log in, like on a normal computer.”

The customer begins to type in the “search” bar, which is on the store homepage and will just search the store inventory.

Me: “No, no, in the URL bar, here.”

Customer: “Oh!”

The customer begins to type [email]@[website] into the URL bar.

Me: “No, you have to go to the site.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Here… Type in [website] right there.”

Customer: “Okay… What now?”

Me: “Now you log in.”

Customer: “How?”

Me: “With your username and password.”

Customer: “I don’t know those!”

And this is what happens when people only ever access their email through their phones.

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