Doesn’t Even Read In Their Sleep

| ON, Canada | Right | January 10, 2017

(A customer calls me over to the self-serve area.)

Customer: “Excuse me!? Doesn’t this thing work?”

Me: “Yes, of course it does.”

Customer: “Well the screen’s black and I’m pressing start and nothing’s happening.”

Me: “Did you press the ‘on’ button?”

Customer: “No. It should already be on! It’s not my job to turn it on!”

Me: “It is on; the copiers just go into sleep mode after a little while. The ‘on’ button wakes them up.”

(I point to the GIANT sign on the front of the copier that explains this while I talk to her.)

Customer: “Oh, are you kidding me? I don’t read things.”

Calling Corporate Just After This Call

| MD, USA | Right | November 22, 2016

(At my store, the manager instituted a policy that if a customer is on their phone, we’re not to wait on them until they finish. A customer comes in, busy making a call on his phone, and per policy, we wait to service them.)

Customer: *after some time, angrily* “Excuse me? I’ve been waiting for five minutes! Is someone going to help me?”

Manager: “Sir, we’d be happy to help you as soon as you finish up with your call.”

Customer: “Are you kidding me? I’m not hanging up my important call for you b****es!”

(The manager walks away. The rest of us don’t dare to go over to him again. After a while, the customer completely loses it.)

Customer: “I can’t believe this terrible customer service! I’m going to call corporate!”

Manager: *handing him a phone* “Here, I already dialed the number.”

(The customer became irate and left the shop. He never did put down his phone.)

PDF = Pretty Dumb Fail

, | Sacramento, CA, USA | Right | October 13, 2016

(My copy center normally just prints things for customers, but we also offer a word processing service for those without the equipment or ability to type many pages of text. One of my regulars, an elderly gentleman who barely knows how to access email from his PC, has asked me to type up several pages of text for a legal document. For this particular project, he asked that we create an editable PDF form so that he can reuse it for multiple different projects. His work is completed, emailed to him with instructions on how to save the file and use it, and he goes home. About an hour later, the phone rings.)

Customer: “Hello, [My Name]? This is [Customer] and the files you sent to me don’t work!”

Me: “Err, that’s strange, sir. We tested them while you were still here and they worked fine. What is it that’s happening, or not happening?”

Customer: “I don’t know! It just doesn’t work!”

Me: “Err… Is it that the blue boxes aren’t showing up for you to type in?”

Customer: “I don’t care about that; my tech guy says you can’t edit PDFs!”

Me: *sighs* “Sir, I assure you that the document allows you to type in custom information in the blue boxes. Do you see blue boxes?”

Customer: “I don’t care about blue boxes! I want you to fix this!”

Me: “Well, since I can’t see what’s going on with your document, and you are unable to tell me, I’m not sure what you want me to fix, sir. If your ‘tech guy’ is still there, maybe he can help you?”

Customer: “No, YOU made this document, so YOU need to fix the problem!”

Me: “Sir, it’s sounding to me like the problem is with your computer, or perhaps the version of Acrobat you’re using. Maybe if you could have your tech guy update Acrobat…”

Customer: “This is [Popular Email Client]!”

(From this, I surmise that he’s previewing the document from his email and hadn’t actually saved it to his PC. If that’s the case, it explains why the document isn’t editable. I try to explain this to the customer, and tell him we’re going to walk through the steps to save it to his desktop so that he can edit it. I go slowly, making sure to wait for him to confirm what I asked him to do before going on to the next step. Finally….)

Me: “All right, good. Once you save it, we can open it and see if th—”

Customer: *interrupts* “I TOLD YOU TO TELL ME HOW TO FIX THIS PROBLEM!”

Me: “Sir, this WILL fix the problem. Did you do ANY of the steps I just told you?”

Customer: “NO! I didn’t! I said you need to tell me how to fix the problem! I don’t want to hear any of that s***!”

Me: *sighs* “Well, then, sir, looks like you’re going to have to call your ‘tech guy’ over and have him figure it out for you. There’s nothing else I can do for you, since you don’t want to follow my instructions to fix the problem. Have a nice day.”

(The customer grumbled some threats about “If I have to come back down there…!” but hung up. Since I never heard back from him on that subject, I’m assuming his ‘tech guy’ got him all squared away!)

My Oh My Documents

| ON, Canada | Right | June 20, 2016

(We have a self-service computer in the store, in which customers can pay per minute to check their email, browse the web, and print or scan files.)

Customer: “I need help scanning; I don’t know what I’m doing.”

(I show her how to scan.)

Me: “And then when it’s done, it’ll just save the file to ‘My Documents’, and that’s where you can get it from when you attach it to your email.”

Customer: “‘My Documents’!? Well I already have it saved there!”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “I have it saved at home in ‘My Documents’ so I don’t even have to scan it!”

Me: “Yes, you do. If it’s saved at home, you won’t be able to get it here.”

Customer: “Why did you tell me that I could, then?”

Me: “I didn’t. I said it would save the file to ‘My Documents’. That’s just a folder on the computer.”

Customer: “Yes, but I have ‘My Documents’ at home, too, so it’s already saved!”

Me: “No. There is a ‘My Documents’ on everyone’s computer. You can’t open the files on your computer, from this one.”

Taxing Faxing, Part 18

, | Sacramento, CA, USA | Right | April 17, 2016

(I’m manning the copy center counter when a regular customer approaches. I’ve helped her before, but she doesn’t seem to recognize me. While I’m helping her, she stands next to our shipping kiosk and reads the list of items we’re not permitted to mail.)

Customer: “I need these documents faxed, please. Wouldn’t you know it? My fax machine at the office sends documents everywhere BUT that area code! I’ve even sent it to offices one city over!”

Me: “Wow, that’s—”

Customer: *interrupts* “Isn’t it? We’ve tried calling the machine’s tech support and everything! I’ll never understand. Does this sign REALLY have to tell people they can’t ship fireworks? What kind of idiot would try to ship fireworks!?”

Me: “Yeah, some pe—”

Customer: “I know, right!? Bunch of idiots trying to get around local laws or something.”

Me: “Looks like we’re all set here, ma’am. If you’ll just come over to the cash register with me, I can ring you up for ev—”

Customer: “Where am I supposed to pay for the fax service, dear? Can I pay here with you?”

Me: “Yes, the debit machine is right over here, by th—”

Customer: *tosses her card on the counter*

Me: “Card reader’s over here, ma’am. Did you want a bag for your papers?”

Customer: *peering at my name badge* “Oh! Your name’s [My Name]?! What a unique spelling! I love it!”

Me: “Thanks, ma’am, it’s—”

Customer: “You’ve been SO helpful! I never receive excellent service like this when I come in! Have a good day!”

Me: “You’re welcome; enjoy the rest of y—”

Customer: “I’m going over there to look at briefcases!”

(She wandered cheerfully off, and boy, was I glad she hadn’t asked me to show her anything else in the store!)

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