Not Talking To You Like A Dummy, Yet A Dummy You Are

, , , | Right | February 3, 2020

(I work in a copy shop. This happens in the self-serve area:)

Customer: “Excuse me. How do I put the paper in?”

Me: *in a happy tone* “Just like you’ve got it!”

Customer: “Okay.” *turns the paper sideways*

Me: “No, the way you just had it.”

Customer: *in a super defensive tone* “Okay, I was just checking to make sure!”

Me: “Okay.”

(A few minutes later, the same customer calls me over again.)

Me: “What’s happening?”

Customer: “Nothing!”

(I look at the screen by the copier to see that he has not yet chosen a print option, and that his payment card is already in the machine. You have to put your card in last, when it asks for it, or the machine gets confused.)

Me: “Oh, it looks like you’ve confused the machine by putting your card in before it wanted it, so if you just—”

Customer: “Excuse me. I know how to follow directions! I really don’t appreciate you talking to me like I’m a dummy! I’ve already done everything it has asked and it’s not working!”

Me: *taken aback* “I wasn’t talking to you like a dummy. You said it wasn’t working and I was saying why I thought it wasn’t working. If you take your card out, we’ll try again.”

(He takes his card out of the reader.)

Me: “Okay, now touch the ‘copy’ option.”

(The customer puts his card in the machine.)

Me: “No, don’t put your card in. I said to push the ‘copy’ option.”

(The customer takes his card out and presses “copy” on the screen. He then stares at the screen, which says, “INSERT PAYMENT CARD,” in giant letters. Then, he looks at me.)

Me: “Put your card in now.”

(He puts his card in and then stares at the screen that says, “PLEASE QUICKLY REMOVE YOUR CARD.”)

Me: “It’s asking you to take your card out.”

(After I got him started, he said, “Thank you,” in an overly pleasant tone and said I was very helpful. That’s probably because he felt like an idiot for saying he knows how to follow directions when he clearly does not know how to follow directions.)

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Unfiltered Story #183952

, , | Unfiltered | January 23, 2020

(We have a combination Cash Checkout and Copy Centre, so we can’t promise copy orders get done immediately since we take care of people at the check out as well. This particular day is incredibly busy and we have had non stop line ups. All available cashiers are up at the cash)

Customer: Yeah, I need these copied

Me: Ok, would you like to do it in self serve, or do you want to leave them with me?

Customer: I don’t know how to do self serve, last time it was so confusing!

Me: Ok, then you can leave them with me

Customer: Whatever you gotta do.

Me: Ok do you want them express?

Customer: Yes, I need them right now!

Me: Ok, I can’t do them right now, I have to take care of the line up first. If you–

(The customer throws his hands in the air and leaves before I can get another word out. But then I see that he just makes his way to back of the line again. Of course when he comes back to me again, there are more people behind him in line)

Customer: Yeah, I want these copied

Me: Like I said, I can’t do them right away while there’s a line up

Customer: I just waited in line twice!

Me: I didn’t mean for you to go in line again. I just meant I couldn’t start on your copies until the line up was gone. Let’s go to the copy counter and fill out and order form.

Customer: This is ridiculous! (he follows me anyway, and I start filling out an order form)

Me: Ok, so we guarantee 1 hour, but since this is only a few copies, I could probably get it done in 15 minutes?

Customer: WHAT!? You want me to wait an hour!?

Me: No, I said 15 minutes. I just have to take care of the line up, but I might be able to do it in between customers.

Customer: I’m paying for this!

Me: yes I know you are

Customer: So you should do my copies!

Me: I’m going to. But I can’t do your copies while there are people waiting in line. I can *book in* your copies and then do them when I have time.

Customer: I can’t believe you made me wait in line twice and now you’re telling me it’s going to take an hour!

Me: I said 15 minutes. And I didn’t make you wait in line twice. But like I said, I can’t stand there at the photocopier doing your order while there are people in line waiting to be served

Customer: There isn’t even a line up!

Me: (looking at the 6 people waiting to pay) Um… yes there is

Customer: FINE! Do whatever you have to do! (he starts to walk away with his papers)

Me: Ok, sir, I can’t do your copies if you don’t give me your papers.


Me: um…. kay…. (I start to go back to the cash to help with the line ups)

Customer: I can’t believe you’re not doing my copies! I’m paying for them!

(I ignore him and continue checking out customers until it dies down about five minutes later)

Me: The line up is gone so I can start on your copies.

Customer: It’s about time!

Will Moan Until You’re Black And Blue

, , , , , | Right | January 1, 2020

(I’m the supervisor in a copy center that’s part of a larger retail chain. Unlike some other similar copy centers from competing chains, ours does not have PCs available for public use. A man rushes up to the PC just as I step away from it, sits down, and begins browsing the Internet.)

Me: “Sir, did you need copies?”

(The customer ignores me.)

Me: “Maybe some color prints, or duplicates of something you already have…?”

(He shoves a stack of papers at me.)

Customer: “I need twenty copies of this.”

Me: “In color or black and white, sir?”

(The customer ignores me.)

Me: “Because if you want the blue sections to show up, I’ll have to make them in color.”

(He continues to ignore me, so I decide I’ll make black and white copies. I bring him the finished prints.)

Customer: “No! These are wrong! Useless! They’re garbage now! I want it to look like this!

(Since his original document was already a copy, the set I made is of noticeably poorer quality.)

Me: “Sir, any time you copy a copy, it’s going to—”

Customer: “When I print it from the computer, it doesn’t look like that!”

Me: “That’s because you were printing from a digital version. That’s always going to be a better print qual—”

(He interrupts me again to demand more copies, and ignores me any time I try to intervene. Several associates approach him and each time we’re ignored. The customer stays for a full two hours before I have had enough. I call the store manager over to assist me, since he has the authority to kick customers out of the store.)

Manager: “Listen, buddy. This PC isn’t for customer use. You’re preventing us from completing other customers’ orders and from doing work that needs doing around the store. I need you to wrap up what you’re doing here and leave.”

(There’s a heated argument about whether or not the customer is allowed to continue using the PC, and the store manager eventually convinces the customer to get up out of the chair and pay for his copies. Once everything is settled, the store manager goes back to his interrupted conference. The customer waits until the office door closes, and then approaches the PC again.)

Customer: *to me* “How long are you going to be using that computer? Because I have stuff to print.”

Me: *incredulous* “Sir, as the store manager just told you, this PC is not for customer use. Unless you have your documents print-ready and saved to a flash drive or CD, I can’t help you. Just because he’s not standing here, that doesn’t mean I can let you back on the PC.”

Customer: “Fine! I’m going somewhere else!”

(He collected his things and stormed out, but not before taking down the names of all the associates who were present for the episode.)

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Unfiltered Story #179091

, , | Unfiltered | December 5, 2019

(I am booking in a printing order of photos. When the customer answers my questions, she uses a tone that implies she thinks my questions were stupid)

Me: Do you want these on photo paper?

Customer: No! Just on regular paper!

Me: Ok, and what size would like you them?

Customer: I just want them on paper!

Me: Yes ok, but what size? (I hold up our order form) Would like you them this size?

Customer: NO! Half that size!

Me: Ok (She then shows me she also has a certificate to print, which is a different file type than the photos)

Me: And do you want the certificate full page?

Customer: NO! I want everything half page!

Me: Ok. So just so you’re aware, since there are an uneven amount of photos, and they are different files types than the certificate, the last photo and the certificate will be on their own pages.

Customer: That fine

(Later the customer comes to pick them up, so I show them to her before she takes them)

Customer: Well this looks like a waste!

Me: Why?

Customer: Because the certificate is on its own page!

Me: Yes, I told you it would be, and you said that was fine.

Customer: But it’s a half page. And so this is picture, and they’re not even on the same page

Me: Yes, I told you because they weren’t the same file types, I had to print them separately.

Customer: But I thought you would have printed them full page!

Me: But you told me you wanted them half page

Customer: But when you said they would be on their own pages, I assumed you would print them full page!

Me: Well you told me you wanted them half page, so that’s how I printed them. I can shred them and reprint them for you so they are full page

Customer: No I don’t want them full page! I wanted them half page! And you wasted paper!

Me: Um, I don’t know how you want me to fix this, then.

Customer: I just want the certificate! I want the certificate full page!

Me: Fine

(I reprinted the certificate and then she went to try and tell me she needed everything that way because she was old and couldn’t see. Yes. that makes sense.)

Last Name, Last Straw

, , , | Right | December 2, 2019

(I work in a copy shop.)

Customer: “I’m here to pick up my order.”

Me: “Okay, what’s the name it’s under?”

Customer: *gives their first name*

Me: “Sorry, what’s the last name?”

Customer: “I didn’t give my last name.”

Me: “Okay.” *looks in the filing cabinet and finds no order filed under her first name* “Sorry, it doesn’t look like it’s under that name. Is there a business name it might be under?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay. What’s your last name?”

Customer: “I didn’t give you my last name! It would only be under [First Name]!”

Me: “Okay, but unfortunately, it’s not under that name, and we almost always take a last name or a business name and file the orders that way. What’s your last name anyway? I’ll see if it’s filed under that name.”

Customer: “There’s no point in giving you my last name because I never told it to you when I came in!”

Me: “Can you just tell me your last name, anyway? Because it’s not under your first name and there’s no other way to find it.”

Customer: “No! It’s under [First Name]!”

(I have to go through EVERY single order form in EVERY single file folder in alphabetical order to try and find an order form with her first name on it. I finally find it near the end. I can’t remember but I think it starts with a T or something, because it was filed under her last name!)

Me: “Here it is. It was filed under your last name.”

(And the funny thing, after seeing her order form and last name, I remembered her immediately. I definitely asked for her last name when I booked the order in, and she told me how to spell it.)

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