Penny Dreadful

(The customers in the booth behind us have been rather loud and annoying all night. We’re ordering pie just after they leave.)

Waitress: “All right, I’ll give you a minute—” *looks at the table behind us* “Oh my…”

Me: *turns to look at the table*

Waitress: “It’s only about a dollar.” *looks sadly at us as she scoops up a hundred-penny tip*

Me: “I hope she spit in their food.”