You Could Write A Copied Book About It

, , , , | Working | October 13, 2017

(I work in a copy shop next door to a bookstore. I see a woman copying a book obviously just purchased from next door. We are strict about copyright violations, so I ask her to stop. She demands to speak to a manager, and we are waiting a long time for him to come over.)

Woman: “I’m just trying to save money. They want $15, and I just won’t pay that much! So, if I copy this whole book—”

Me: “—wait, you want to copy the entire book?”

Woman: “Of course! Then I’ll return it right away and save $15!”

Me: “You realize our copies are seven cents each, right?”

Woman: “Yes, only seven cents each!”

Me: “That book is at least 250 pages; this will cost you more than $15.”

Woman: “No! What? That’s impossible!”

(This is about when the manager comes over and asks what the problem is.)

Woman: “Well, to start with, I don’t think your employee here knows how math works!”

(She was told she couldn’t copy the copyrighted book, and left grumbling about math.)

This Kind Of Weirdness Can’t Fit In A Box

, , , , | Right | September 29, 2017

Customer: “I have six boxes I want to ship. Can you do that?”

Me: “Sure, we can.”

Customer: “Okay. They might be heavy; I have a lot of clothes in them.”

Me: “That’s okay; the max weight for shipping out is 150 pounds.”

Customer: “Oh. I have a lot of cotton clothes. But there’s six boxes.”

Me: “Okay. Do you have them here?”

Customer: “No. But you’ll be able to tell me, right?”

Me: “Tell you what?”

Customer: “Yeah… see, ’cause I have to send all these costumes back, and some of them are heavy, like one of them is 7 pounds on its own, but most of the other clothes are just cotton.”

Me: “…oh.”

Customer: “So, you’ll have an idea, right?”

Me: “An idea of what?”

Customer: “Of the cost.”

Me: “Oh, well I can create an estimate. Where’s it going?”

Customer: “California.”

Me: “Okay, do you have the zip code?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have the address?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “I’ll need one or the other in order to get a proper quote for you. Do you have it saved in your phone or something?”

Customer: “No. But yeah. You can get an idea. Yeah, there’s a lot of clothes that I’m sending, and I’m so mad that I have to send them all back. It’ll probably be 150 pounds once I fill all the boxes.”

(I kind of want her to stop talking, since I don’t even know how to respond to her, so I type in 90210 as the zip code so that I can give her some kind of quote.)

Me: “This quote isn’t totally accurate, because I just put in 90210 for the zip code, but it’s coming up to [price]. That’s for six boxes at this size, all equaling 150 pounds.”

Customer: “WHAT?! That’s so expensive! How much would it cost to send it Canada Post?”

Me: “I’m not sure; you’d have to go to the post office.”

Customer: “Because this guy, his size is like 34x34x34! Like, you’ve got to be joking! So I put the pants on and they come up to my neck! I was so mad! I can’t wear these! They said they’d send me 50 bucks to mail them back, but there’s so many costumes!”

Me: “…oh.”

Customer: “But, oh my gosh, you’ve been so helpful! Thank you so much! Oh my gosh, I’m so happy now! Thanks!”

(She leaves and I turn to my coworker:)
Me: “That was weird.”

Stay “Switched” On After This

, , , , , | Working | September 26, 2017

(I am a part-time employee. On one of my days off, I get a call.)

General Manager: “Where are you? Aren’t you coming in today?”

Me: “What? No, I don’t think so.”

(I double-check the schedule just to make sure, and I am indeed off.)

Me: “No, I’m listed as being off today.”

General Manager: “But [New Coworker] said you were trading shifts with her today!”

Me: “What? No one told me!”

General Manager: “Huh? But she said you were fine with it! That’s why I switched you!”

Me: “She never even mentioned it to me.”

General Manager: “Well, can you come in anyway? She’s not answering her phone.”

(I was able to come in, and only missed the first hour or so of the shift. Shockingly, the new worker didn’t show up on the day she supposedly “switched” for, either, so I had to work that day, too. My GM got wise after that though, and started conferring with me whenever she asked to “switch.” She stopped showing up to work about a month later, and then had the gall to apply for unemployment.)

Taxing Faxing, Part 20

, , , , | Right | September 8, 2017

Customer: “Can you fax something for me?”

Me: “It’s actually a self-serve fax, but I can show you how it works.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “It’s really easy. You don’t have to press any special buttons first, or pick up the phone or anything. All you have to do first is dial the number. If it’s toll free or long distance, you need to dial the one first, just like a phone.”

Customer: “I’m confused.”

Me: “All you have to do is dial the number.”

Customer: “I’m still confused.”

Me: “Just dial the number.”

Customer: “Well, how do I do that when the number’s on the paper I’m faxing!?”

Me: “You don’t have to put the paper in first, you can do that after you’ve dialed.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Right now, all you need to do is dial the number.”

(I swear people are this ignorant on purpose.)

Completely Blowing Up

, , , , | Right | August 8, 2017

(A customer is talking about something that she wants me to blow up to poster size, and telling me that it’s from a certain magazine, and as she’s talking I’m just thinking ‘oh man, I don’t even know if I can copy this’ … So when she’s done talking about it, I start to tell her it might be copyrighted.)

Me: “So, since this is from a magazine, and the page has been cut out, I don’t know what their copyright says. Maybe I can Google the magazine and see if it says anything on their website or something.”

Customer: “I’m not selling it or anything, so it’s fine.”

Me: “Depends on the copyright. Some copyrights specify more than others, and since we don’t have the whole magazine here, I can’t see what it says. Some copyrights are quite strict.”

Customer: “But it’s just for a present. I want a poster of it.”

Me: “Yeah, I know, but for example, if someone wanted a poster of a celebrity, they are supposed to find a poster from a company that is licenced to sell a poster of that celebrity. People aren’t supposed to get a picture off the Internet and blow that up to poster size.”

Customer: “People do that all the time.”

Me: “I’m sure they do, but they’re not allowed. Let me just Google the magazine, in case their copyright information is listed. What was the name of the magazine again?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Um, but you just told me the name of it a few minutes ago.”

Customer: “NO, I DIDN’T! YOU WEREN’T LISTENING TO ME!”

Me: *confused at this strange turn* “Um… okay… maybe I can still find it.”

(I begin Googling names I thought I remembered her saying, to see if something comes up.)

Customer: “I don’t understand why can’t you just blow this up!”

Me: “Because I’m not sure what the copyright on it says. It’s just our company copyright policy. It’s protecting the magazine company, just like any other people who have copyrights.”

Customer: “Can I talk to you manager!? Anyone else! I need to talk to your manager!”

Me: “Sure.” *I sigh when I say sure*

Customer: “Well, aren’t you sassy!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say it like that.”

Customer: “You just have horrible customer service, you know that?! I can’t believe you!”

(After my manager comes out, and tries to explain our policy to her, and how I’m correct, she interrupts him to say that I have horrible customer service and that I was “flippant” with her.)

Me: “I apologize. What did I say that upset you? I didn’t mean to be rude and I don’t want to continue to do that, so if you tell me what I did, maybe I can correct it for the future.”

(I’m trying not to cry at this point, and I’m sure you can hear that through my voice.)

Customer: “You were FLIPPANT!”

Me: “How?”

Customer: “Because you have HORRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE! YOU WERE FLIPPANT!”

Me: “Okay, again, I apologize, but I didn’t mean to be. I know when I said ‘sure,’ it came out a little rude, but what else did I do?”

Customer: “I SAID YOU WERE FLIPPANT! What you should have done, is tell me ‘I’m sorry this isn’t something we can normally do, but let me get my manager so we can work something out’.”

Me: “Yes, but you see, when it comes to copyright, there is no ‘working out’ that we can do. It’s a serious offence, and we can’t just bend the rules for it.”

Customer: “You should just let the customer be right!”

(My manager stepped in to explain how we couldn’t do that, and how I could be fined personally, so it was a chance we can’t take. I ended up booking in an order of plaque mounting for her photo, instead of blowing it up to poster size, and I was afraid the whole time that she would accuse me of being ‘fake’ or something since I was being polite. After the customer left, my manager called me into the office to tell me that the customer spoke to him afterwards, apologizing, and taking back her accusations about me. She said that I was very nice and helpful, and she was just mad at the situation and took it out on me. SERIOUSLY?!)

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