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It’s “Magenta,” Not “MANgenta”

, , , , | Right | February 19, 2022

Client: “When this gets printed, what sort of colors get mixed together?“

Me: “Well, anything that gets printed is basically a combination of black, yellow, cyan, and magenta ink or toner…”

Client: “That’s unacceptable! I’m printing these for boys, not girls. Magenta is a girl’s color. Take the magenta out of your printers and replace it with red. Red is much manlier.“

Well You DID Warn Them…

, , | Right | July 12, 2021

I have a customer who couldn’t get her pictures to load from her phone on to the photo kiosk. I showed her how to do it with the cable, instead of wifi.

Me: “We can do it this way, but I have to warn you, it will show ALL your pictures. Please be certain you’re okay with this.”

Customer: “Yes, that’s fine.”

The first picture on screen… a penis. A picture later… a very revealing picture of her. She turns beet red and smothers the screen with her body.

I stare at the floor. Mostly because I was trying not to laugh at the abject horror in her face.

We’re Infuriated On Your Behalf

, , , , , | Working | July 12, 2021

In the late 1970s, I worked in a copy center. Each week on Thursday, the schedule for the following week would be posted. A friend of mine worked the overnight shift during the week, so he’d give me my schedule each week when I saw him.

I only worked part-time, on Mondays and Tuesdays. I started working in September and worked sixteen hours each week, planning to go full-time in January; they needed more full-time workers. Everything went fine for the first two months.

The last week in October, my friend told me that I was not listed on the schedule for the following week. On Friday morning, I called my manager and told him.

Manager: “Don’t worry. Whoever made the schedule must’ve just forgotten to add you.”

The following week, the same thing happened; I was not listed on the schedule. Again, I spoke to the manager.

Manager: *A little upset* “I’ll speak to the idiot who makes the schedule and tell him to be sure to add you on the next one.”

The next week, guess what? I was still not on the schedule. However, this time, I was told a different story.

Me: “[Manager], I’m not on the schedule again.”

Manager: “Yeah, I found out that the company’s revenues are way down so they had to cut back on staff and hours. The manager of the main store was demoted to a regular employee, and they laid off five other people, as well. My advice is to look for another job elsewhere. I have no idea how long this is going to go on for.”

Me: “So, you’re telling me that I was laid-off three weeks ago, and the company is only getting around to telling me now?”

Manager: “Ah, yeah, I guess so. I’m really sorry. They didn’t tell me any of this until just this morning. Honestly, I’m looking around for a job myself. I really don’t like what’s going on here. They’re not being upfront with anyone. I wish there was more I could do for you, but there’s just nothing I can do.”

Me: “Well, okay, bye.”

And that, folks, is how I got laid off from a job and wasn’t told I was laid off until three weeks after the fact.

But What Are We Making A “Copy” Of?

, , , | Right | April 16, 2021

Customer: “Excuse me. Do you make copies of keys?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Follow me.”

We go to the key machine.

Customer: “Do you make copies of [Car Make And Model]s?”

Me: “Yup!”

We stand there, staring at each other for a few moments.

Customer: “Well?”

Me: “Um… do you have the original key?”

Customer: “No, it’s stuck in the car. It broke in half. I need a copy of the key, though.”

Me: *Pauses* “I’ll need the original key in order to make a copy.”

Customer: “You said you make copies of [Car Model]s!”

Me: “Yes, but not all keys are the same for every [Car Model]. Otherwise, anyone who has a key to that type of car could steal it.”

Customer: “So you lied to me?!”

I didn’t say anything; I just stared at them silently until the customer got nervous and left.

He’s Not Cheapskating Around The Issue

, , | Right | February 19, 2021

I work in a copy shop. Most of our income comes from large orders of flyers, booklets, posters, and textile prints, but we also serve customers who just need one or two copies. Our prices scale down with the number of copies printed, so anything less than ten pages costs € 0,50 per page in grayscale and more than double that amount in color. We often get people who complain about our prices, claim that they can get it much cheaper elsewhere — though they always return to our store, curiously enough — or worst of all, try to haggle. But every once in a while, I have an encounter that goes something like this.

Me: “Will that be all?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you. How much do I owe you?”

Me: “Your total will be € 8,40.”

Customer: *Shocked* “I’m sorry, how much?”

I am mentally preparing myself for the coming hissy fit.

Me: “It’s € 8,40.”

Customer: “Really? That cheap?”

Me: “You know, it’s funny; most people complain that it’s way too expensive.”

Customer: “Nonsense. Your time is valuable. You shouldn’t be demanding so little for it.”

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Cheapskating Around The Issue