“Entering” A Whole New World

, , , , | Right | March 2, 2018

(This happens at least twice a day at our self-serve computer, after the customer has asked for help.)

Me: “If you’re emailing it, you need to first open the Internet browser.” *points to it on the screen*

(The customer has a blank look on their face.)

Me: *pointing again* “Right there. Okay, now type in the provider of your email address.”

(The customer types in their email address in the website bar.)

Me: “No, not your full email, just the website you use to get at your email.”

(The customer types.)

Me: “Then, hit enter… Hit enter… The enter key, on the keyboard… The one that says enter.”

(The customer finds it.)

Me: “Now, click right here so you can sign in… Right here… No, left click. No, left click. Click the left button on the mouse… That’s the right button.”

That One Time…

, , , , | Right | February 27, 2018

(I work in a copy shop. It is an extremely busy day and it has been non-stop with customers and copy orders since we opened. This conversation starts after I tell a customer I don’t have time to do her order while she waits, since it’s so busy with other customers.)

Customer: “Okay. I guess I can come back at five for it, then.”

Me: “Okay.”

(We book in the order.)

Customer: “Okay, so, I can come back at one?”

Me: “Um, you said five.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I’ll be on my lunch at one, so it’s easier to come then.”

Me: “Let me see what other orders I have booked in.”

(I check to see when everything else is due. Getting it done by one will be tight, but I think I can do it.)

Me: “Okay, sure. Come back at one.”

(I basically panic getting the order done by one, but I do it with just a few minutes to spare. She doesn’t pick it up until five.)

Customer: “I hope you didn’t rush it for one!”

Me: “…”

Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Copyright

, , , , | Right | February 21, 2018

Customer: “Can I get this book copied?”

Me: “I’ll just have to look at the copyright.”

Customer: “No, don’t look at that!”

Me: “I have to. And it’s copyrighted, so I can’t copy it. Sorry.”

Customer: “Can I just do it myself?”

Me: “No, because that would be illegal.”

Customer: “Right, okay, but no one’s going to know. It would be hard to copy this since it’s all glued together. Can you show me how to do it so it comes out one page at a time?”

Me: “No, I can’t assist you with that, since it’s copyrighted. You could go to the bookstore and buy another one, if you want another copy of it.”

Customer: “Yeah. I just don’t know how to use the photocopier. Can you just show me how it works?”

Me: “No, sorry. I’m not allowed to assist you with it at all.”

Customer: “Hmm.”

Me: “I would highly suggest going to the bookstore and buying it there, so the author can stay in business.”

Customer: “Yeah…”

(Yeah, he photocopied it.)

You’ll (Pre)Pay For That

, , , | Right | November 28, 2017

(We have an email address that we let people use to send files to us, as long as they are in the store at the time, so we can go over the order together and fill out a proper order form. If the customer is at home, we ask them to use our website, for many different reasons. This day I see an email asking how much a certain order will be, along with attached files. These exchanges have been shortened a little.)

Customer: “How much would it cost to get [job] done?”

Me: “It would cost [price] if you were to have the standard items across the board. This is, however, a very large order that needs to be prepaid, and I would feel more comfortable if you came into the store so we can print a sample for you and make sure we understand the order.”

Customer: “I’ve never prepaid for anything before. Is this a new rule? And it’s not that big of an order.”

Me: “No, it’s not a new rule. Generally, orders under $100 aren’t always made to prepay, but anything higher than that needs to be prepaid because people don’t come to pick up their orders. I can keep your files saved on our computer for you, so that when you come in to go over the order, you don’t have to bring the files in. Is that okay?”

Customer: “I’ll have to go somewhere else if I can’t prepay. We never prepay for anything. This is ridiculous. I’ll come in to look at proofs.”

(The customer never comes in. But then a few days later, my coworker texts me.)

Coworker: “So, it was super dead at work tonight, so I was going through old order forms to recall people, telling them to come get their stuff, and there was a two-month-old order that wasn’t even paid for, so I emailed them to ask if they still wanted it. And I realized that it’s the same person who was getting mad about having to prepay earlier this week! SHE’S THE REASON WE WANT ORDERS TO BE PREPAID!”

You Could Write A Copied Book About It

, , , , | Right | October 13, 2017

(I work in a copy shop next door to a bookstore. I see a woman copying a book obviously just purchased from next door. We are strict about copyright violations, so I ask her to stop. She demands to speak to a manager, and we are waiting a long time for him to come over.)

Woman: “I’m just trying to save money. They want $15, and I just won’t pay that much! So, if I copy this whole book—”

Me: “—wait, you want to copy the entire book?”

Woman: “Of course! Then I’ll return it right away and save $15!”

Me: “You realize our copies are seven cents each, right?”

Woman: “Yes, only seven cents each!”

Me: “That book is at least 250 pages; this will cost you more than $15.”

Woman: “No! What? That’s impossible!”

(This is about when the manager comes over and asks what the problem is.)

Woman: “Well, to start with, I don’t think your employee here knows how math works!”

(She was told she couldn’t copy the copyrighted book, and left grumbling about math.)

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