They Want To Do Everything Except Understand The Problem

, , , , , | Right | July 30, 2021

I’m currently running merchandise to the floor after my stock team has processed it off the truck. We process items in a certain order: clothes and smaller home decor items, then large home items (ottomans, furniture, art, etc.) and pillows, comforters last. I’m stocking the bathroom aisle when a customer comes up to me.

Customer: “Do you have any bed pillows or decorative pillows coming out?”

Me: “They will be out later this morning since we process those items last.”

Customer: “I need y’all to process them faster so I can buy some.”

Me: “They are going as fast as they can. It’s only 9:00 am and our truck arrived at 8:15.”

Customer: “Well, it seems they have some lazy workers. I would be able to get that stuff out faster.”

Me: “All right, I’ll go get you a job application from the office and you can apply; we would appreciate the help.”

Customer: “What? No, I wasn’t offering to work here. I’m just asking for y’all to get the stuff out faster because I am an early shopper.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, like I said, we have to process everything before we can put it out, which may take some time. So, usually around 12:00 pm to 2:00 pm, everything should be out.”

Customer: “I AM AN EARLY SHOPPER!”

Me: “Oh, well, in that case, we have most things from yesterday’s shipment out unless they have been bought. But like I said, we have to process everything before it can come out.”

The customer starts looking angry as I bid her “good day” and walk back to my stockroom.

Customer: “MANAGER, NOW!”

Pushing my cart through the stockroom door loudly to act like I didn’t hear her, I turn and say:

Me: “Have a great day!”

I stayed in the stockroom until she was gone.

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They’d Like To Complain To The Fire

, , , , | Right | July 16, 2021

Guest: “Why are there so many d*** doors everywhere? I can never tell if I’m going through the right one!”

Employee: “Ah, I’m sorry, that’s to comply with fire code so guests can exit quickly. The main doors are right over there.”

Guest: “Jesus. Can’t you afford a better fire code?”

Employee: “Can’t we… what?!”

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The Upgrade Was Worth The Gross Discovery

, , , , , , , | Working | July 9, 2021

A few years ago, I booked a one-bedroom suite in a beautiful, old, upscale hotel in midtown Atlanta. I had stayed in this hotel a few times before but hardly enough to be considered a regular since I’m only in the area once a year.

When I got up to my room, it didn’t seem to be up to prior standards, but since I had been sleeping in a mountain cabin for a week, I just wanted to shower and go to bed. I walked into the bathroom and was greeted by a pair of black lace crotchless panties. I went back down to check-in and asked to be moved to another room. The manager on duty walked back to the room with me and looked around the room. She told me to hold tight and they would get me moved to another room.

Shortly afterward, a bellman came to pick up my luggage to take me to a new room. He took me to a two-bedroom penthouse suite with a full kitchen and a bathroom that seemed larger than the entire one-bedroom suite I had booked.

I didn’t need that much space, but I certainly felt like hotel management had listened and taken my concerns seriously. I can’t imagine staying anywhere else in Atlanta in the future. This is how you develop a loyal customer base.

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Impossible Demands? I Won’t Hear Of It!

, , , , , | Working | June 25, 2021

I’m a biologist, and my boss made me the “volunteer” audio-visual person at an international consortium of about 150 people. This was mainly because, as one of the youngest scientists at my company — I’m in my mid-thirties — I was known for being reasonably comfortable with computers. To be clear, I really have no useful A/V skills; I just know how to plug a laptop into a projector and advance Powerpoint. We had an IT person, but my boss didn’t want to pay the expense of sending another person to the conference.

None of this would be a big deal, except that the conference was in a hotel conference room, and my boss balked at the hotel’s charge for A/V rental. Instead, with just a few hours’ notice before I had to leave for my flight, my boss told me that he didn’t want to rent any A/V equipment there, and I needed to somehow acquire and take all of it with me to the conference.

We had a computer and projector but no audio equipment. On such short notice, our IT person ran out to the only place he could think of — a guitar store — and bought an amp, microphone, mixing board, and cables. He saved the receipts, knowing that he’d be asked to return it all after the conference.

He had about ten minutes to show me how to plug everything in, and then we packaged it all up into a few duffel bags that I then had to lug through the airport.

The morning of the conference, I set everything up, but it was clear that this amp — the largest he could buy at the time — was clearly too small and too low-quality for the conference presenters to make themselves heard. As conference participants entered the room, it was like I was watching a car crash at low speed. I knew no one would be audible, and I knew there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. The darned amp was balanced on a chair in the center of the room and all dials were maxed, and yet the room was just too large for this single amp to do anything. THIS IS WHY YOU PAY FOR THE HOTEL’S A/V.

You can guess what happened next. The first speaker started, and after about a minute, the room broke out in:

Attendees: “Can’t hear! We can’t hear!”

Of course, all of our international attendees looked at me, thinking I was some sort of actual A/V person and not just a biologist who got “volunteered” and wished he were anywhere else. I couldn’t fix the problem, and with my boss breathing down my neck, I couldn’t tell anyone what the problem was.

Attendee: *Pointedly* “We can’t hear!

Me: “That is accurate.”

It was a long, long two days.

At least we got a refund at the guitar store.

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Back-Talk To The Future!

, , , , , | Right | June 11, 2021

I work as a manager for a logistics company. There is a really weird dynamic here. The customers and drivers will talk down to you and treat you like crap if you don’t step up and stand up for yourself, so you have to respond a little more aggressively to people without stepping over the line. Sarcasm works really well in a lot of situations.

Yesterday, we were assigned to deliver a load. We do not schedule the deliveries; we just pick up the loads and deliver because the customer schedules the deliveries. The load we were assigned somehow had an appointment time for the day before, though we were given it a day later. Obviously, the receiver rejected the load because we “missed delivery.”

We have to call the customer to get it all straightened out.

Customer: “Oh, so you botched the delivery, I see? Useless as always!”

Me: “I don’t think we did. We picked it up yesterday and the receiver states they have an appointment time for the day before, but we were assigned the load yesterday.”

Customer: “How is that my problem? You messed up; you need to fix it!”

Me: “So… with all due respect, this is our fault? You gave us a load yesterday that had to be delivered the day before yesterday.”

Customer: *Rather smugly* “Yes!”

Me: “Okay… let me get out the ole’ Flux Capacitor and call Doc Brown and work some magic here…”

Customer: “Wait… No! That’s that time travel movie! What’s that got to do with delivering this load?!”

Me: “Well… as we got the load yesterday… which was Wednesday and the bill says it must be delivered on Tuesday…”

Customer: “We don’t make mistakes! Standby for us to correct this mistake!”

Me: *Head-desk*

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