Different Way To Describe The Same Thing

, , , | | Learning | July 30, 2019

(I’m in a class about journalism writing, and our lecturer is explaining the differences between tabloid and broadsheet newspapers. My lecturer is from Scotland and has quite a heavy accent.)

Lecturer: “The example on the left is from a tabloid, and the one on the right is from a broads***.”

(His face grew red and he hid his face in his hands while we laughed at his mishap.)

Thankfully, It’s Not A Local Problem

, , , , , | | Learning | July 30, 2019

(I go to a college in Florida that attracts a lot of kids from the Northeastern US. I don’t think much of it until one day at the beginning of my senior year. We are doing a case study as a class, and the girl in front of me raises her hand to speak. Note: I’m a local, and that will be important later.)

Professor: “Yes, [Girl]?”

Girl: “Oh, this reminds me of something that happened back home. You guys know where [Restaurant] is, of course. Well, remember when–”

(She launches into a story filled with references from her hometown that I am confused by. Half the class is nodding and laughing; the other half is looking at each other and shrugging. The kid on my left pokes me.)

Kid: “Do you even know where we are right now? I’m lost.”

Me: “No idea.”

Kid: “Does she realize that some of us have no clue?”

Me: “I guess not.”

(I raise my hand.)

Professor: “Yes, [My Name]?”

Me: “Where, exactly, are we right now? I’m confused.”

Girl: “I’m talking about [Her Hometown], obviously. It’s just like our case study! How could you not know?”

Me: “Because I don’t live there?”

Girl: “But everyone knows [Her Hometown]! Where are you even from?”

Me: *points toward the main highway* “About five minutes that way.”

Girl: “Floridians go here, too?! I didn’t think you could!”

Me: “Did you really think this college was just for Northeasterners?”

Professor: “Okay, okay! Let’s stick to less obscure references next time, shall we? And yes, if I remember my records completely, about half of you are locals. It’s good to have all of you here.”

(I ended up taking two more classes with that professor next semester. He was great at consistently shutting down BS.)

Visits To Grandma Suddenly A Lot Less Frequent Than Before

, , , , , , | | Learning | July 29, 2019

(In a class on ancient cultures, we are studying the Minoans. Their customary dress for women involved a top that went around the bust, leaving much exposed. My professor mentions a male friend of hers who expressed the wish that these fashions still existed in our culture.)

Professor: “Yeah, that’d be great: you go to the mall, and there they are!”

Guy: “Yeah!”

Professor: “You go to the grocery store, and there they are!”

Guy: “YEAH!”

Professor: “You go to your grandma’s house, and there they are!”

Guy: “Yea– Aaaaaaaaargggh!”

Laptop Of The Class

, , , , , | | Learning | July 25, 2019

(Due to financial and health issues, I have to do my first two years of college at a community college. I only have one class to go before I finish. I’ll be transferring to my dream college which has a great reputation for my desired major. I show up for my first day of my last class at the community college and set up my laptop for note-taking. The professor walks in.)

Professor: “Good morning, everyone. I’m [Professor], and– Hold on. Who is hiding behind that obnoxious piece of technology in the back?”

(My laptop is pretty small, so there’s no way I could hide even if I wanted to.)

Me: *raising my hand* “Hello!”

Professor: “Who are you and why is that here?”

Me: “I’m [My Name]. My computer? I find that I take better notes on a laptop. I type faster than I write.”

Professor: “Well, Miss [My Name], I don’t like laptops in my class. You’ll be on the Facebook or who knows what while I’m teaching.”

(I turn my computer around to show him that the only window I have open is a blank Microsoft Word document.)

Professor: “Have your other professors let you use that?”

Me: “Yes.”

Professor: “Are you transferring? No university will let you get away with that.”

Me: “Yes, actually, [University I’ve been accepted to] encourages the use of tech during lectures.”

Professor: “Fine. Keep your technology. But the minute you bomb an exam, that thing is gone.”

Me: “No problem.”

(The professor continues to jab at me during the semester, calling on me all the time to answer questions just to make sure I’m not on “the Facebook.” I always answer accurately, and I pass all the exams. Fast forward to the final. I turn mine in.)

Professor: “Hang on. I’m grading everyone’s while they’re here.”

(He quickly runs through mine, marking a few wrong.)

Me: “Well?”

Professor: *sighs* “87%. That makes a final average of…” *taps on a calculator* “90% for the course. I suppose congratulations are in order.”

Me: “So, I guess obnoxious pieces of tech can help students do well?”

(He glared at me as I walked out.)

For Some, College Is Not The Right Track

, , , , | | Learning | July 25, 2019

(I work in student accommodation. Some international students arrive to live on campus earlier than other students. I get to the office to find the managers laughing with a note in their hand.)

Me: “What’s so funny?”

Manager: “So, you know how some students can start living here early if they are international students?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Manager: “Well, this student stayed his first night last night and has a couple of complaints.”

Me: “Okay, what’s wrong? It’s not that bad here.”

(They looked at each other and started laughing again and handed me the note. I read the note and had to read it again to make sure I’d read it properly. The student couldn’t sleep because the campus was near some train tracks and he was demanding we stop the trains from running in the future. He didn’t understand that we had no control over the trains. All we could do was offer some earplugs and wish him the best.)