Got To Give The Old Guy Some Credit

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Romantic | June 26, 2013

(We run credit checks on people who want to sign contracts. Bad credit just means that someone has to prepay a few months of service.)

Divorcee: “I just went through an ugly divorce. I’m bankrupt because the b**** took everything. How much do I have to pay to get a phone?”

(I run a credit check.)

Me: “Well, the bankruptcy hasn’t affected your credit, so you won’t have to prepay a cent.”

Divorcee: “Wow, that’s ever so sweet of you. Do you have a boyfriend?”

Me: “No. I’m not interested in dating right now.”

Divorcee: “Well, I’m going to take you out, then.”

Me: “I actually don’t date customers, but thanks for the offer.”

Divorcee: “Oh, well I won’t buy from you then.”

Me: “I’ve already gotten everything processed for you; here you are.”

Divorcee: “So, why won’t you date me?”

Me: “Well, I think I’m a little young for you.”

Divorcee: “How old is your dad?”

(I check his ID from the credit check.)

Me: “Two years younger than you.”

Divorcee: “Well, I’ve got your card so I’ll call tomorrow and find out when you’re free for dinner.”

Me: “I’m not here tomorrow.”

Divorcee: “Then I’ll call the next day.”

Me: “I’m not here then.”

Divorcee: “Okay, I’ll call the day after. I’ll keep calling every day.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that won’t work.”

(He finally turns to leave the store, but turns around at the doors and calls into the store full of people.)

Divorcee: “Okay! I’ll call you in a couple of days about dinner. It’ll be the best thing you ever do!”

(Older than my dad, bankrupt, and divorced? Nope!)

This Story Will Stick With You

| Calgary, Alberta, Canada | Working | June 19, 2013

(A dad and his young daughter come into my work. The dad is a total biker guy, tattoos and all, while his daughter is the cutest little thing with a tutu and a tiara. While I’m talking to the dad, his daughter keeps interrupting, so I make her a deal…)

Me: “If I can talk to your dad for a couple minutes, I promise I’ll give you this tattoo, and you’ll look just like your dad!”

(The daughter agrees and I put a fake tattoo sticker on her arm. She runs up to her dad and shows her tattoo to him very proudly.)

Daughter: “Look daddy! I’m just like you now!”

(The dad and daughter leave for a little while, but they both come back an hour later.)

Father: “I just wanted to thank you for giving her that tattoo.”

Me: “Oh, it was really no problem! We keep them on hand to distract children and keep them entertained while we speak with their parents.”

Father: “No, I really really wanted to thank you. Her mother died last week, and she’s stayed home missing school for a week. She doesn’t understand, but she knows enough to know her mom isn’t coming home. I had to fully explain to her the other day why. This was the first time I’ve seen her smile in days.”

(He hugged me and left; I never saw him again. Wherever you are, sir, I hope everything got a little easier for you!)

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H2Slow, Part 4

| Blacksburg, VA, USA | Right | June 9, 2013

(A customer walks into store with a phone that’s not working. It’s raining outside.)

Customer: “Hey man, my phone stopped working. Can you get me a new one?”

Coworker: “Do you have insurance? The watermarks show that the phone has gotten wet.”

Customer: “No, I don’t, but I’ve never gotten my phone wet!”

Coworker: “Well, it clearly did at some point. Were you by any chance using it while it was raining?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was earlier, but that wouldn’t have done it, would it? Would rain get my phone wet?”

Coworker: “Is rain made out of water?”

Customer: “Ohh… right…”


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You Got The Wrongest Number, Part 7

| Mercer County, NJ, USA | Right | June 7, 2013

(I work for a franchise of a major cell phone company in the US.)

Customer: “I just had a woman call me on my cell phone. Can you look up her information and tell me her last name and address?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but unless you are listed on the account as an authorized user I cannot give away any personal information.”

Customer: “Well then, can you add me as an authorized user so I can see her address?”

Me: “No, sir, only the account holder can add or remove authorized users.”

Customer: “Well she called me and I want to find her; what can I do?”

Me: “Call her back?”

Customer: “I can’t do that; after she gave me her name she realized it was a wrong number and hung up!”

Me: “So let me get this straight, you want me to look up a customer’s number, add you as an authorized user, give you her name and address, and you don’t even know her?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Sir, you need to leave.”


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This Repair Had Better Be No Charge

| Houston, TX, USA | Working | April 17, 2013

(I had taken my phone in a week before because it would not charge. An employee, Employee #1, replaced the charge port. However, when I got home I discovered it still didn’t charge.)

Me: “Hey, I was in here almost a week ago to get my phone repaired. Thing is, it still won’t charge. I wasn’t able to get in before today but it’s within the seven day repair guarantee. Could you check this again?”

Employee #1: “You dropped it. Sorry, can’t fix it.”

Me: “Uh, no, I didn’t drop it. Could you please look at it and see why your repair isn’t working?”

Employee #1: “Don’t lie. You dropped it.”

(As Employee #1 turns away from me, Employee #2 arrives. They’re much more helpful.)

Employee #2: “Here, ma’am, let me see the phone.”

Me: *gives him my phone*

Employee #2: *to Employee #1* “Did you give her a new charger when you replaced the old port?”

Employee #1: “No, because she dropped the phone!”

(Employee #2 pulls a new charger out, checks it with the port, shows me my phone now charges successfully.)

Employee #2: *to Employee #1* “The old charger won’t work right with the new port, you d***.  You should always check. You’re such an a**!”

(Thankfully, Employee #2 waived off the charge for a repair.)

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