Our Service Plan For Life And Death

| Working | October 23, 2015

(I’m the staff member, and the idiot in this story. I am serving a very elderly couple (at least in their 90s) who are both very sweet and understand and appreciate how patient I am with their questions, as technology is not their strong suit. They begin to say their goodbyes.)

Customers: “Thank you very much, young lady; your customer service was brilliant.”

Me: “You’re welcome. Come back anytime with any questions. My name is [My Name] and I’ll always be happy to help.”

Customers: “We definitely will!”

Me: “Okay, guys; enjoy the rest of your days!”

(The look I received made me want to sink into the earth and die! I was so embarrassed! One slip of the tongue and I sounded like Lucifer announcing their deaths! I have yet to see them return.)

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Not A Very Survey

| Working | October 5, 2015

(The caller is doing a survey about my wireless/phone provider.)

Caller: “I just want to ask you a few questions.”

Me: “Okay, I kind of like surveys.”

Caller: *asks a variety of questions* “Now, about [Provider]’s billing practices. How would you rate them on a scale of 1 to 10?”

Me: “Billing? They send me a bill, and I pay it. How do you rate that?”

Caller: “Well, on a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate their billing?”

Me: “Um, I get a bill every month. Does that give them a 10?”

Caller: *chuckles* “But on a scale of 1 to 10…”

Me: “I can’t answer that question; sorry!”

Caller: “That’s all right. Thank you for your time. And you have a very evening!”

Me: “A … very … evening? Well, you have a very evening, too.”

Caller: “Thank you!”

Me: *sigh*

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Suddenly Subscribes To Your Way Of Thinking

| Working | September 18, 2015

(Canada has recently come out with anti-spam laws – one such law is that companies sending out promotional e-mails must have an unsubscribe option that works. I keep getting 2-3 promotional e-mails a week after hitting unsubscribe for the past two months. Fed up, I go on their online chat feature to get an agent to remove my e-mail.)

Agent: “Hi, my name is [Agent]. What can I do for you today?”

Me: “Hi, I keep getting multiple promotional e-mails a week even after hitting unsubscribe for the past two months. Can you please have a look at this and have my e-mail removed?”

Agent: “You should first try hitting the unsubscribe button at the bottom of these e-mails. If they don’t stop, please contact us! Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Me: “…Yes, I just stated that I have been trying to unsubscribe for the past two months already. Can you please look into this?”

Agent: “Hold on one moment.”

(Five minutes pass.)

Agent: “Unfortunately, after looking into the issue there isn’t anything we can do outside of hitting the unsubscribe button after getting these e-mails. Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Me: “I have already stated that I have been hitting unsubscribe. I don’t know if you’re aware, but sending multiple promotional e-mails after the receiver has already unsubscribed, and/or having a faulty unsubscribe button is illegal and goes against Canada’s Anti-Spam Laws. Please forward me to a supervisor to get this fixed as this is against the law.”

Agent: “Please hold.”

(One minute passes.)

Agent: “We have created a technical incident for you and will let you know as soon as it’s been resolved.”

(Turns out it WAS a technical issue with their unsubscribe button. I guess if you remind people that what they’re doing is against the law, you see results!)

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Needs More Than A Penny For Your Thoughts

| Right | September 3, 2015

(Our cell phone provider has a promotion where you can add a smartphone or open a new smartphone account for one cent. We are in the store to upgrade our account. A woman and her husband come in to get an explanation about their bill. They watch us get a new phone and the sales person ask us for one cent.)

Woman: “Can I get one of those one cent phones?”

Salesperson: “Yes, all you need to do is upgrade to our data plan.”

Woman: “I don’t want any upgrades. I want to get a phone for a penny and give it to my daughter.”

Salesperson: “You really need to have a data plan with a two year commitment in order to get a phone for a penny. We can sign up your daughter if you’d like.”

Woman: “I don’t get it. I just want a phone for a penny.”

Woman’s Husband: *leading her out of the door* “I’ll explain it to you.”

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No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 7

| Right | December 4, 2014

(The shop is just about to close for the day when a customer comes in with a very minor issue, and while I am sorting the problem my colleague has closed the doors. The fix doesn’t take long, and I have just escorted the customer to the door to let him out when he appears to remember a separate issue:)

Customer: “Oh, yes, while I’m here I was wondering if you could take a look at this weird line that keeps showing up when I use my maps app. Now, where was it..?”

(He zooms right out on the maps so the whole world map is virtually visible.)

Customer: “Here we are, you see? Straight through Africa there”

Me: “Uh.. That’s the equator, sir. There’s not much I or anyone else can do about that, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “Well, it definitely wasn’t there before.”

Me: “I think it probably was…”

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