Back in my days as a customer service representative for a cellphone carrier, when phone contracts were a thing, it was decided that the admin fees were going up by $0.05 per account. Management decided (rightfully so) that people were going to call in and use this as “a financial burden” to get out of their contracts, so they directed us to credit the $0.05 by how many months they had left in their contract — if they had multiple lines, then it was based on the one with the longest contract — for which the longest time would be twenty-four months.

Then, this guy called.

Customer: “This $0.05 increase is unacceptable! This will financially break me! I demand to be let out of my contract — with no early termination fee!”

Per management direction, I credited him $1.20; he had signed up for a two-year contract two days before the fee increased.

Customer: “I demand that you remove that credit and let me out of my contract!”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid neither is an option. When you mentioned that the fee was a financial burden, we had to issue that credit.”

The guy got mad and hung up, and I noted the account accordingly.

I had a sneaking suspicion he’d call back, so I kept the account open and checked it later in the day. And yeah, he called back and got some new hire who was known not to look at the notes, and they took off the credit. (They didn’t let him out of the contract, thankfully.) I reapplied it, referenced my previous notes, and reiterated that it came from management and should not be removed.

I work in tech support at a well-known cellular company. A customer calls me from a pay phone.

Caller: “Quick! I need the code to enable the reserve battery on my phone!”

I didn’t have an answer to that one.

Our phone store has deals where you get free Disney+ for a year with a purchase. As a result, a lot of Disney+ trailers are on our store TVs to entice customers. A customer is making a purchase, and her dad is watching the TV.

Customer’s Dad: “Oh, I just saw a trailer with all those Asians from that Asian movie we saw the other day.”

Customer: “Oh my God, Dad!”

The customer turns to me.

Customer: “Sorry about him, he saw Everything, Everywhere, All At Once a few days ago, and it was the first time he saw a movie with an Asian cast.”

Customer’s Dad: “But it was those Asians in the trailer!”

Customer: “Dad! Stop! Just because you saw one Asian movie, you think every Asian in a movie is one of those actors! Stop thinking all Asians look alike!”

Me: “Actually… ma’am. The trailer he saw was for American Born Chinese. It… uh… it does actually star all three main Asian actors from Everything, Everywhere, All At Once.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Customer’s Dad: “Ha! Told you!”

I still had nearly a year left on my contract with [Cell Phone Company] when I was deployed, so I got a copy of my deployment orders and took them in so they could suspend my service until I got back. This was allowed for deploying soldiers, so I figured there’d be no problem. I took it in, got the suspension instated, got a copy of the paperwork, and left.

Flash forward a year. I get home, start settling in, and call to get my phone turned back on.

Representative: “I’m sorry, but we can’t give you service until you pay the bill you owe.”

Me: “Bill?”

Representative: “Yes. You currently owe $3,700.”

Apparently, they put the suspension of my service on paper but never entered it into the computer.

Me: “I was in Iraq. I didn’t even have my phone. No one did.”

They proceed to argue with me, threatening to send the bill to collections if I don’t make a minimum payment.

Me: “I have a copy of the paperwork from the suspension. Can I fax it to you?”

Representative: “No. You’ll need to bring it to us in person.”

I am in Texas; they are in Colorado.

They also have usage charges on my bill. My phone was locked in storage with my things while I was gone. I keep trying to explain that no one had or used my phone.

Representative: “Maybe you turned it on in Iraq and got charged?”

I lose my temper.

Me: “The stupid phone doesn’t work next to a [Cell Phone Company] tower, the reception is so terrible, so how in the f*** do you expect it to work overseas?!”

The back and forth escalated.

Three hours, three representatives, and a supervisor later, I FINALLY got them to correct their mistake without having to show up. I also got the charges dropped, and they gave me free service for six months. I still dropped them as soon as I was able.

Customer: “My phone is broken! You need to fix it for me.”

Me: “Okay, let me see it.”

Customer: “Oh, I left it at home.”

Me: “I can’t fix something I can’t see, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, you have to do something! Surely you can just remotely access my phone, right? Isn’t that what I pay you to do?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t hack into your phone. That would be an insane data breach on behalf of [Company]. And no, that is not actually what you pay us for.”

Customer: “But I’m a loyal customer! I’ll give you permission to gain access to my phone if it means you can fix it right here and now for me.”

Me: “Ma’am, if you just bring me the phone, I’ll be more than happy to help. It’s like going in for your MOT test [vehicle safety test] and not taking the car with you.”

She came back the next day, and it turned out that she was not typing anyone’s full phone number in, and that’s why she couldn’t call anyone.