What Bad Form!

| Working | August 11, 2016

(My wife, working in the community, had a “small business” contract with a major mobile phone provider. Her job changes to working in a residential unit, and so therefore no longer needs to use the facilities of the “small business” contract as her call volume drastically reduces. She contacts the provider, and the person she speaks to says: okay, not a problem; we can sort that out for you; consider that done. She has just logged onto her account to use some of the facilities that she enjoys, and is dismayed to find that these facilities have “not yet been enabled for a small business account.” So she rings them up.)

Wife: “I just tried to do [Function] but was told I could not do so because I have a small business account. But I specifically told your operative that I wanted to change to a personal account.”

Helpdesk: “Yes, well, you can’t just change the account type over the phone. You have to fill out a form.”

Wife: “Why was I not told this when I applied in the first place?”

Helpdesk: “That is not my concern. You have to download the form from our website, print it out, scan it back in, then email it back to us.”

Wife: “But I haven’t got a working printer. I never use a printer. Why would I want to fork out to get a new printer just to print your form out? Can’t you just send me a copy of this form by snail mail?”

Helpdesk: “We don’t do that any more. Everything is online now.”

Wife: “Well, can’t I just download the form, fill it in electronically, and then email it back?”

Helpdesk: “No, you have to print it out and scan it back in; you can’t do it any other way.”

Wife: “Since I can’t do that without getting a new printer, which I completely don’t want to do at the moment, I’m going to have to take my business elsewhere. You’ve just lost a loyal customer of years’ standing.”

(When she rang off, I told her she should have demanded to escalate the problem to a supervisor or a manager, because that sounded wrong to me. How can it not be possible for such a high-tech company not to have an online form that could be filled in online and processed completely automatically?)

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Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 36

| Working | July 18, 2016

(I am calling to get the phone number transferred from my old phone to the new one I just purchased. Once the request is processed, this conversation takes place.)

Customer Service Representative: “Now that the number transfer is complete, you’ll need to cancel the old phone.”

Me: “How do I do that?”

Customer Service Representative: “You can request that through me.”

Me: “Okay… Would you please cancel the old phone?”

Customer Service Representative: “May I ask why you would like to cancel this phone?”

Me: “…Because I don’t need two phones?”

 

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Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 3

| Right | June 28, 2016

Customer: “I have had this phone for two and a half months and the screen is already broken. Don’t you guys stand next to your products?”

Manager: “Of course we do, if it is defective, but no electronic store can cover hardware physical damage for free. That’s why most places offer insurance on their products. We also sell cases and screen guards to decrease the risk of damage in the instance of dropping or scratches.”

Customer: “I don’t believe in insurance. If the product was built poorly enough to need a case and a screen guard it should have come with one. I mean cars come with bumpers.”

Me: “But if you total your car, a bumper isn’t going to do you any good. Nothing is indestructible. Even cars have insurance and deductibles if you get into a wreck. The only difference in this instance is that you decided to keep it out of its “seatbelt” and have denied any insurance we have tried to offer you for the entire length of time you have been with this carrier.”

(The customer kept grumbling about our incompetence and how he should be given a new phone because we need to stand by our product.)

 

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Can No Longer Handle Your Baggage

, | Right | March 24, 2016

(I work inside a mall for an authorized retailer of a certain big company when I receive a phone call…)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “Ya, hi. Umm, I have a bag phone I’d like to activate. Can y’all do that?”

(A bag phone was an early mobile-phone that had to be carried around like a bag or a back-pack.)

Me: “Well, uhh, how old is the phone?”

Customer: “I bought it brand new in 1996! Best phone I ever had. Been out of the world a spell and would like to get my phone hooked back up.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but your phone is not compatible with our network anymore. If you’d like we can get you set up with a new phone that is compatible.”

Customer: “WHAT THE H*** GOOD IS IT TO BUY A NEW PHONE?! I ALREADY HAVE A BAG PHONE! WHY CAN’T I USE THE PHONE I HAVE?”

Me: “Well, they’re heavy, unwieldy, and put off way more radiation than today’s phones. Also, and sir, this is the important bit, they’re not compatible anymore. Your phone uses an analog technology. We all use digital now. I’m sorry, there’s literally no way to use your bag phone.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll just call your competitor and have them do it.”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 47

| Right | February 16, 2016

(I’m working with a particularly impatient customer who just wants to upgrade but I’ve been having issues with the system. After calling several tech departments, I finally discover what the problem is.)

Me: “Ma’am, it looks as though you previously held an account with us that has gone into collections. Due to issues with our system at the time that you set up this new account, it has gone unnoticed until now. Unfortunately we will not be able to upgrade your phones until that account has been paid in full.”

Customer: “But that doesn’t make any sense. It was three years ago. They need to forget it.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not how debt works. You still owe us money and we can’t extend any more credit until it’s paid.”

Customer: *yelling now* “BUT IT WAS THREE YEARS AGO! IT SHOULD BE GONE!”

Me: “No, ma’am, it’s not gone until you pay it.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I’m going to another carrier. You just lost a customer.”

Me: “That’s very unfortunate, ma’am, and I’m sorry you feel that way. Would you like the number of the collection agency so you can pay us what you owe us?”

Customer: *takes phone number and attempts to dramatically storm out*

 

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