The Editors’ Heads Hurt Just Thinking About This Request

, , , | Right | December 1, 2019

(My older brother is a hairdresser and loves his job very much. As with every other job, there are crazy customers. This woman comes in for a consultation.)

Brother: “Hello, miss. What can I do for you?”

Woman: “I would like my hair bleached and dyed silver.”

(I think it’s worth mentioning that my brother is not a fan of certain trends but remains nonetheless professional and does what the client requests. This ain’t one of those moments.)

Brother: “Your hair is very dark, so it might take a few sessions to do what you requested.”

Woman: “Oh, no, no. I don’t have time for that. I want it all done today.”

Brother: “I’m sorry, miss, but it cannot be done safely in one day. I recommend doing it in stages.”

Woman: “I don’t have time for that. Why can’t you do it in one day? Aren’t you a professional?”

Brother: “I’m a professional hairdresser, not a wizard. Trying to bleach hair as dark as yours enough to dye it silver in just one day will most likely make you bald.”

(The woman pouted and was escorted out by her boyfriend who later came to apologize and say how happy he was that he saw her crazy side before he popped the question.)

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Yogi Bear Had It Better Than Yugo(slavia) Bear

, , , , | Friendly | November 25, 2019

(My mom has been going to the same hairstylist for years. The stylist is from the Balkans and still has family there. They know quite a lot about each other’s lives, but every now and then they surprise each other. Easter is around the corner, so the conversation turns to food.)

Mom: “We are making perogies this year for the entire family. It takes a lot of work, but they taste way better than store-bought.”

Stylist: “Oh, yes, we make them, too. They are like perogies, but a bit different.”

Mom: “Oh? What do you stuff them with, cheese?”

Stylist: “Sometimes, but usually we would stuff them with beer.”

Mom: *confused* “How do you do that? Fry them in beer?”

Stylist: “No! Beer! You know, grr!” *raises her hands, imitating claws*

Mom: “Oh, bear. Wait, with bear?!

Stylist: “It’s pretty good, and means one less bear looking for Easter dinner!”

(The stylist’s family was apparently much more rural than we thought.)

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Can’t Quite Nail The Timing

, , , , , | Right | November 6, 2019

(I’m waiting for my turn at the nail spa when a group of women comes in and approaches the front desk. Only one woman in the group speaks to the nail tech, but the whole group is crowding the desk.)

Woman: “Hi! We all want gel fills.” 

Nail Tech: “Okay, there’s one person in front of you. Please put your name down and come back in 35 minutes.” 

Woman: “So, come back at 10:30?” 

Nail Tech: “It’s 10:10 right now.” 

Woman: “So, come back at 10:30?” 

Nail Tech: “I said to come back in 35 minutes…” 

Woman: “Just give me a time, g**d*** it!” 

Nail Tech: *clearly fed up* “Please come back at 11.” 

Woman: “Well, thank you. That wasn’t so hard after all, was it?” 

(The woman flounced out with her group in tow. She still hadn’t arrived for her appointment when I left at 11:20.)

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Terrible Twos Meets The Terrifying Tans

, , , , , | Right | November 6, 2019

(A woman comes into our tanning salon with her newborn baby, and wants to take her into the room while she tans.)

Customer: “But she’s asleep. It won’t hurt her eyes.”

Me: “No, ma’am. We still can’t let you take her in there.”

(Yeah, let’s give your infant skin cancer.)

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This Salon Has Very Bad Reception, Part 2

, , , , , , | Working | August 14, 2019

(A few months after I move, I decide to get a haircut at a salon in a nearby mall. I get to the salon about five minutes early for my appointment and check in with the receptionist, who tells me my hair stylist will be with me in a few minutes. As I’m sitting in the waiting area I notice that all of the chairs are empty, and the hair stylists are all standing around chatting at the back of the salon. Ten minutes after my appointment was supposed to be, I start to get antsy and think about reminding the receptionist I’m here when my cell phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Receptionist: “Hi, I’m calling from [Salon] because we had you booked for an appointment at two. Are you on your way?”

Me: *looking right at the receptionist, who can clearly see me from the desk* “Actually, I’m here now; I’ve been waiting for fifteen minutes.”

Receptionist: “Oh! You know, you’re supposed to check in when you get here so I can tell your stylist to get ready for you.”

Me: “I did check in. You told me she’d be with me in a few minutes. Like I said, I’ve been waiting on her for fifteen minutes. Plus, I had to pass the desk to get to the waiting area, so you would have seen me come in even if I forgot to check in.”

Receptionist: “Okay, well, I’m going to tell the stylist you’re here, but your appointment might go longer than usual because you’re late.”

(She did get up and tell the stylist I was there, who came and got me into a chair immediately. The stylist apologized and said she’d seen me waiting but she didn’t realize I was there for her.)

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This Salon Has Very Bad Reception

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