Give Them An Inch…

, , , , , | Right | February 20, 2018

(I am the customer in this story. I’m getting my hair cut at a chain that primarily caters to men. My hairstylist is a woman.)

Hairstylist: “I’m going to cut it a little longer, and we can go shorter if you like, so it matches the picture.”

Me: “That’s fine. I guess people have yelled at you in the past for giving them exactly what they asked for?”

Hairstylist: “Yeah. They don’t realize how short it actually is when it’s on their head.”

Me: “Let me guess. ‘I want an inch left on top!’ and…”

Hairstylist: “No idea that an inch is only this much.”

(She holds her fingers an inch apart.)

Me: “Then again, do you really trust us guys to know how big an inch is?”

H2-D’oh! Part 3

, , , | Right | February 14, 2018

(Two brothers come into the salon. The older one is 17, and the younger one 11 or 12.)

Older Brother: “My brother would like a water massage.”

Me: “Um…”

Older Brother: “Do you not do those here?”

Me: “Um… No?”

(I do the younger kid’s cut and send them on their way. Thirty minutes later the mom calls.)

Mom: “Is your manager there? My son was told you guys don’t do shampoos there.”

Me: “I think that was me. I’m so sorry. He asked for a water massage, and I just got really confused.”

Mom: “Oh, I’m sorry. So, my son is just an idiot, then.”

H2-D’oh! Part 2

A Hair-Raising Time To Stay Awake

, , , , | Right | February 7, 2018

(I am a hairdresser. While I am fairly new to the industry, I am usually booked a week in advance as I specialize in fashion colour and blondes.)

Client: “Hi. Do you have any appointments available today?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I am fully booked until [late next week].”

Client: “What about tomorrow? At noon?”

Me: “My next availability is [late next week] at 9:00 am.”

Client: “That doesn’t work for me. Can I come after hours tonight?”

Me: “If you’d like an afternoon or after-hours appointment, my next one is [date two weeks from now].”

Client: “No, I’ll come tonight, thanks.”

Me: “Okay, I can squeeze you in at 2:00 am. Since it is so late, I will be charging 200% my usual rates.”

Client: “You are so rude!” *hangs up*

Nailed Any Chance Of A Tip

, , , , , | Working | January 1, 2018

(My mother and I are getting pedicures together at one of our favorite nail salons after not having them done for a while. My mom has struggled with her weight for years and is understandably sensitive about it. We’ve just sat down and the technicians have come over to start our pedicures when this occurs.)

Technician: “Do you have any medical conditions?”

Mom: “None that are relevant to this, no. Thanks for asking.”

Technician: “Really? Not diabetic?”

(At this point I look over, shocked a bit at the gall of this woman, and waiting to see if my mother wants to just leave the shop.)

Mom: *amazingly keeping her cool* “Nope. Just fat. Thanks.”

(If someone says that they don’t have a relevant medical condition — the first time we’d ever been asked something like that anywhere, ever — don’t push them! No one is going to forget they have diabetes and then remember when you suggest that they might.)

Piercing Observation, Part 3

, , , | Working | October 13, 2017

(I live in Sweden and when going home to Portugal, I decide to go to a beauty salon to get my fingernails done. Note that I have a good job in Sweden, and it is apparent that I am a person that enjoys metal and more alternative things, as I have some piercings, dress in black, and wear metal band t-shirts.)

Nail Technician: “What color do you want to paint your nails?”

Me: “Black.”

Nail Technician: “Oh, my black nail polish is a bit ruined. Don’t you want some red or blue instead?”

Me: “Not really. I am not so fond of those colors and the black nail polish is the only thing that works to make me not bite my fingernails.”

Nail Technician: “Okay, then. We can try using it. Why do you have those piercings? They look ridiculous! Don’t your parents complain? You will never get a job like that.”

Me: “I am 30 years old; my parents have nothing to do with it. Besides, I am living 4000 km away from them; they just come visit once in a while. And I have a very good job in Sweden.”

Nail Technician: *interrupting me* “[Coworker], do you want to get lunch after?” *back at me* “You know, my niece has a boyfriend that is manipulating her into those metallic things. Pfft. She’s studying to become a doctor; she needs to have more dignity than that. She wanted to paint her nails black. I didn’t allow her. No one dressed like that and with black fingernails is allowed in my house.”

Me: “It’s not the way a person dresses that makes her a better or worse professional.”

Nail Technician: *very quickly* “Okay, you’re done. Good bye.” *gets up and goes out of the salon*

(In the end, the black nail polish worked flawlessly, surprise! And the job was so quick that I didn’t even have time to get up and leave, even though my blood started to boil.)

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