(While driving a bus, I overhear this conversation between a mother and her child, right after a police car has driven by with lights and siren blaring.)

Child: “Mum, is that police car coming for us?”

Mother: “No, why?”

Child: “Because you told the bus driver I’m three and I’m really four.”

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Caller: “Why has my insurance been canceled?”

Me: “Well, it looks like you have made six car claims in the last four months.”

Caller: “Yeah, I had some accidents.”

Me: “That is why we can no longer insure you. It’s written in our policy statements.”

Caller: “Bull! None of those accidents were my fault!”

Me: “It says here that you drove the vehicle into a tree twice, and the oth–”

Caller: “Like I said, it wasn’t MY fault! It was the alcohol’s fault!”

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Customer: “My mother is taking some medication and it is making her sick. Can you stop giving it to her?”

Me: “I’ll have to ask the pharmacist for you. What medication is it?”

Customer: “It’s a little white pill.”

Me: “You don’t know the name of it, sir? We do have many white pills in the pharmacy.”

Customer: “I think it’s for her heart… or her brain.”

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(Note: I’m a customer and overhear this conversation.)

Worker: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “I bought this garlic bread, and I burnt my hands and my mouth.”

Worker: “Oh, how did you burn both?”

Customer: “It was too hot in my hands, so I put it in my mouth…”

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(We have the top ten DVD/Blu-Rays on a wall. We use an empty case with a number on it to show where each film is ranked in the top ten. A man walks up and puts the number ‘3’ case on the counter.)

Customer: “I’d like to hire this.”

Me: “This isn’t a movie. Star Trek is currently ranked number 3. Would you like to rent that?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want Star Trek! I want this one!”

Me: “Sorry, that is just an empty case that we use to show our top ten rentals; it isn’t a film. If you’d like to rent one of our top ten make sure you grab one of the take-home cases behind the display cases.”

(The man seems to catch on, returns to the shelf and walks back with one of the generic DVD cases we use to chock up the number ‘3’ case so it sits flush with the other DVDs).

Customer: “There! Now will you let me rent it?”

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