(I work for a provincial government’s finance ministry. The government has recently passed a bill that is proving to be unpopular and we are getting a lot of phone calls and letters. One morning, I come in to my boss laughing loudly in his office.)
Boss: *gesturing me in* “You HAVE to hear this voicemail that [Head of Division] forwarded to me!”
(I walk in, and he presses play.)
Caller: “YOU THEIVING WEASEL BASTARDS!” *click*
(I work for a federal agency that takes phone calls from people all over the USA who need assistance in applying for passports.)
Customer: “Hello, I would like to make an appointment to come to the Los Angeles passport office to get a passport.”
Me: “Certainly. Where are you planning to travel?”
Customer: “Oh, I am traveling all over. To China, to Japan, then to Indonesia!”
Me: “Great. Okay, I am sorry but right now I can’t get you an appointment at the Los Angeles office. However, I can make an appointment for you at the San Diego office.”
(San Diego is about a two-hour drive from Los Angeles, and in the same state, California.)
Customer: “What? San Diego? No way am I going there! That’s too far away!”
(Our government can take money from a customer’s welfare money to pay for child maintenance. It’s usually a nominal charge of a few pounds.)
Caller: *angry and shouting throughout call* “Why am I being charged for children’s furniture?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Caller: “You are taking money out of my benefit to pay for furniture. I haven’t had furniture from you and I don’t want to give anything to charity.”
Me: “I am sorry; I don’t know what you’re talking about. We don’t take money for any furniture. Are you sure the charge has come from us? Where have you seen this charge?”
Caller: “It’s on my award letter. You are taking money for a child furniture scheme!”
Me: “No, that’s, ‘child future scheme.’”
Caller: “Oh.” *hangs up*
(I work for the Village which basically takes care of the town and runs its operations. We do not however take care of utilities)
Me: “Good morning Village of St. Joseph”
Customer: “Could you tell me if there is a fire hydrant in front of my house?”
Me: “I don’t have a list of fire hydrants and where they are located. You’d need to call the water company.”
Customer: “Oh so you don’t have a list?”
Me: “No, the water company might”
(I’m thinking in my head, but I don’t want to say it to him because I’m afraid he’ll be offended and yell at me, why don’t you just look and see if you have a fire hydrant outside of your house?)
(I am a ‘meter maid.’ My job is to ticket cars that have not paid for their meter. I am putting a ticket on a parked car when the driver, a big, long-haired guy, comes up to me, furious. His mousy little wife is following him but is very quiet. He yells at me that he was only parked ‘for two minutes’ and I have no business giving him a ticket.)
Me: “Sir, I have been on this block for ten minutes so I know that your car has been here longer than that.”
Driver: “How dare you call me a liar! I just pulled up here and went inside to get change and pick up my wife. Can’t you even give an honest person a break!”
(He’s looming over me and rather intimidating, I’m wondering if he’s going to actually hit me, when suddenly, his wife steps right in front of me and starts yelling at him.)
Wife: “How dare YOU! She’s just doing her job and you’re yelling at her because you screwed up! You know full well you could have put money in the meter but you were just trying to be cheap. You apologize to her right now and take your ticket like a grownup!”
(He looked absolutely stunned and froze completely. She glared at him until he muttered “Sorry” and wouldn’t meet my eyes. She then apologized calmly to me and held out her hand for the ticket. I let her off with a warning!)
