Stop! In The Name Of Shrubbery!

, , , , , | Legal | May 7, 2021

For several years, my dad worked as an inspector for the state transportation department, traveling the state to make sure roads were properly maintained.

On one of his trips, my dad got into a minor accident on a city street and was charged with running a stop sign. His boss was, naturally, extremely upset with my dad, until my dad presented his dashcam footage; the stop sign my dad had run was completely blocked by a bush.

Our state has a law that all road signs must be clearly visible from a certain distance, and this stop sign was in violation of that law. My dad’s boss sent another employee to the city for an inspection. That employee found several other instances where road signs were obstructed from view, and my dad’s boss had a field day issuing the citations to the city.

When my dad went back to the city for his court appearance, he told the judge what he did for a living and what role he had played in the entire thing. The judge waived all charges and invited my dad to spend some time in town and “make sure the city engineering office had cleared everything up to his satisfaction.”

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She’s Been Waiting Her Whole Life To Do That

, , , , , , | Right | May 5, 2021

I work for my local council. I have had a little old lady asking about pensioners’ discounts and exemptions for Council Tax. She keeps going on and on for a while and it seems like she just wants someone to talk to, so I let her tell me her life story.

At the end of the call:

Caller: “Thank you very much; you have been most helpful.”

Me: “Not a problem. If you need help with anything else, don’t hesitate to call us.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks, bye.”

Thinking she has put the phone down, I put my phone on speaker so I can quickly get some more scrap paper. Next moment, I hear a loud “Pffffft… Ahhh…” and realise the lady has just farted down the phone.

Caller: “Oops.” *Click*

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The Stupidity Census Is In Full Swing

, , , , | Right | March 12, 2021

Every year, residents receive a town census that they have to fill out and return. The department that receives these is located in the same office as us, but we have separate windows and counters separated by a wall.

Each window has the name of the department directly above where you stand, so there is one for “Town Clerk.” The census is mailed in an envelope with “Town Clerk” on it. There is a return envelope included addressed to “Town Clerk.” The census itself has a note that says, “Return to the Town Clerk,” on it in bold. I put a box on the counter in front of the “Town Clerk” window with a sign saying, “Place census in this box,” in large, 96-point, bold red font.

My window is not the “Town Clerk” window.

I still have at least twenty residents a day come to my window and give me their census. I don’t know how to make it clearer.

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Learn Patience You Must, Or Get Shot You Might

, , , , | Right | March 4, 2021

I am waiting in line to go into the Hungarian Parliament tour. For these tours, you get a ticket with a time frame to come back for and you then wait in a line to be brought through security. It takes a while because it is still an active government building.

The guy behind me speaks up.

Guy: “Man, this is taking so long.”

He goes on like this for a bit, and I turn around to see his wife basically ignoring him whining. 

Guy: “I’m just going to go.”

The man then walked quickly to the front of the line and jumped over the turnstile. Four Hungarian soldiers — who honestly were probably bored to death and never get to do anything — immediately started pointing weapons and yelling in Hungarian and English. Suddenly Mr. Bigshot looked terrified and started apologizing. His wife walked over, looking irritated as h***, but unfortunately, the rest of my group was called and I didn’t get to see the rest play out.

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Who Is Screening These Calls?

, , , , , | Right | February 21, 2021

I work for a divisional IT group in a municipal government. The first part of this exchange takes place via email.

Client: “Can you please open a ticket for a computer at [Rarely Visited Location]?”

Me: “We can definitely look into that. Can you please tell me which computer and what problems you’re experiencing with it?”

Client: “No. I don’t work at that location.”

Me: “Can you please give us the name of the person who reported the problem to you? We’ll need to speak to them to determine what’s required and what computer you need help with.”

Client: “You can just use me as the contact.”

Me: “Unfortunately, we’ll need to speak with someone who knows: a) what computer it is, and b) what the problem is. It’s possible that the problem can be solved remotely, or it could be something we need to bring someone else in on, for example, our Internet provider, or maintenance if it’s a power issue. Once we have that information, we can dispatch a tech if required.”

Client: “Can you just send someone to check all of the computers in the building and make sure they’re working?”

Me: “As there are a few hundred computers in that building, I can’t send a tech to check all of them, especially when we don’t know what’s wrong with it. Unfortunately, we can’t troubleshoot a computer we don’t know anything about. If you receive any other communications about it, please have that person contact us via email at [email address] or phone at [phone].”

Five minutes later, I get a call from another user.

Me: “Hi, you’ve reached the [my division] IT Service Desk; how can I help you?”

Other Client: “Hi, yeah, I was told to call you?”

Me: “Okay, what can I help you with today?”

Other Client: “This computer isn’t working.”

I look up the caller’s information and realize that he is working out of the same [Rarely Visited Location] and is NOT part of our division. We don’t have administrative access to or authority over their equipment; they have their own on-site IT help.

Me: “Okay, I can see that you’re with another division. I may be limited in how much I can help you, but what’s the problem you’re experiencing?”

Other Client: “The screen’s black.”

Me: “Okay, can you tell me if there are any lights on the monitor or the computer itself?”

Other Client: “No, no lights.”

Me: “Okay, can you please try turning the computer on?”

After about thirty seconds:

Other Client: “Oh, that did it! Thanks!”

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