(I work for a small-town government municipality, and my department is generally the catch-all for residents who don’t know exactly who they want to talk to. There is a woman peeking into my office from the hallway, seemingly uncertain.)
Woman: “Who allows those magazines and flyers to be placed by the front door?”
Me: “As long as we deem the content to be appropriate and informative for the townspeople, we’re usually fine with individuals and agencies leaving such materials in that area.”
Woman: “I would like for you to remove the one about hunting; you really should not be promoting dead animals!”
(The pamphlets to which she refers were sent to us by the State Department of Energy and Environmental Protection and were not prominently displayed.)
Me: “Ma’am, we also process hunting and fishing licenses, so we’re kind of already doing that if you think about it, and no one has ever complained about those.”
Woman: *sarcastically* “Well, you also do marriage licenses, but I don’t see any flyers out there promoting marriage!”
Me: “Ma’am, if you would like to bring us some material supporting marriage, I would be more than happy to display it, as well.”
Woman: “Well, in that case, I’m heading down to the church to get some. I’ll be back!”
(We never saw her again.)
(I work for a provincial government’s finance ministry. The government has recently passed a bill that is proving to be unpopular and we are getting a lot of phone calls and letters. One morning, I come in to my boss laughing loudly in his office.)
Boss: *gesturing me in* “You HAVE to hear this voicemail that [Head of Division] forwarded to me!”
(I walk in, and he presses play.)
Caller: “YOU THEIVING WEASEL BASTARDS!” *click*
(I work for a federal agency that takes phone calls from people all over the USA who need assistance in applying for passports.)
Customer: “Hello, I would like to make an appointment to come to the Los Angeles passport office to get a passport.”
Me: “Certainly. Where are you planning to travel?”
Customer: “Oh, I am traveling all over. To China, to Japan, then to Indonesia!”
Me: “Great. Okay, I am sorry but right now I can’t get you an appointment at the Los Angeles office. However, I can make an appointment for you at the San Diego office.”
(San Diego is about a two-hour drive from Los Angeles, and in the same state, California.)
Customer: “What? San Diego? No way am I going there! That’s too far away!”
(Our government can take money from a customer’s welfare money to pay for child maintenance. It’s usually a nominal charge of a few pounds.)
Caller: *angry and shouting throughout call* “Why am I being charged for children’s furniture?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Caller: “You are taking money out of my benefit to pay for furniture. I haven’t had furniture from you and I don’t want to give anything to charity.”
Me: “I am sorry; I don’t know what you’re talking about. We don’t take money for any furniture. Are you sure the charge has come from us? Where have you seen this charge?”
Caller: “It’s on my award letter. You are taking money for a child furniture scheme!”
Me: “No, that’s, ‘child future scheme.’”
Caller: “Oh.” *hangs up*
(I work for the Village which basically takes care of the town and runs its operations. We do not however take care of utilities)
Me: “Good morning Village of St. Joseph”
Customer: “Could you tell me if there is a fire hydrant in front of my house?”
Me: “I don’t have a list of fire hydrants and where they are located. You’d need to call the water company.”
Customer: “Oh so you don’t have a list?”
Me: “No, the water company might”
(I’m thinking in my head, but I don’t want to say it to him because I’m afraid he’ll be offended and yell at me, why don’t you just look and see if you have a fire hydrant outside of your house?)
