(There is a customer in the refrigerated dairy section, looking lost.)

Me: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: *grabs my arm* “Oh, yes! I’m looking for cheese.”

Me: “Well, it would be in this aisle. What kind of cheese?”

Customer: “You know, it’s white, and has little green flecks of Filipino.”

Me: “Uhm, I don’t think we have that. Do you mean jalapeño?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s it!”

This story is part of our Cheese roundup!

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This story is included in our Philippines roundup – part of the Not Always Right World Tour!

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(A few of us employees have just made a cup of ‘heart-stopper’ — popcorn with way too much butter and salt — between shows. A mother and her son walk up to the counter.)

Son: “What’s that?”

Me: “We call it the heart-stopper.”

Son: “Can I try some?”

Me: “That’s up to your mom.”

(She gives consent and the kid really likes it and starts eating several pieces.)

Me: “Hey, slow down or you’ll wake up fat tomorrow morning!”

Son: “Woah! Is that what happened to you?”

Related:
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 3
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 2
From The Mouth Of Babes

This story is part of our “Kids say embarrassing things” roundup!

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Me: “Hi, can I help you at all?”

Customer: “Yes. I’m looking for a present for my son. It’s called a ‘gay boy advanced’?”

Me: “I’m hoping you meant a Game Boy Advanced?”

Customer: “Oh? What did I say?”

This story is part of the Bad-Gamer-Customer-themed roundup!

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(One of the meats we offer is a barbecued shredded beef, which we refer to as barbacoa.)

Customer: “I’ll take a burrito with Barack Obama.”

Me: “One burrito with barbacoa coming up.”

Customer: “What’d you call it?”

Me: “Barbacoa.”

Customer: “Oh, thank God. I’m a Republican.”

Customer: “Hey, do you guys sell any extinct fish?”

(I pause to see if she is messing with me, but she is serious.)

Me: “No, sorry. They are really hard to come by.”

This story is included in our Even-More-Impossible requests roundup!

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