Unhappy Annibirthentine’s Day

, , , , , , , , | Romantic | February 15, 2018

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], it’s Valentine’s Day!”

Coworker: “Not only that; it’s also my wedding anniversary.”

Me: “Aww, how romantic!”

Coworker: And it’s my birthday!”

Me: Wow! Your husband must be planning something really special, eh?”

Coworker: “Nope. I’m pretty sure he forgot.”

Me: *pause* “How could he possibly forget?”

Coworker: “I wonder that every year.”

The Comedy Becomes A Tragedy

, , , , , | Working | February 8, 2018

(I work in the box office of a dinner theatre. When I was first hired, I was told that one of the perks of the job was getting two free tickets for each new show. They then took this perk away, which meant that if I wanted to see the show, I had to pay full price. Since the tickets are expensive and I am a poor student, I rarely do this.)

Customer: *on the phone* “I’d like to ask you some questions about [Show].”

(They ask me some basic questions, such as, “who’s in it,” “how long is it,” “what’s the plot,” etc. I answer all the questions based on the information I’ve been given by my boss.)

Customer: “Is it funny?”

Me: “Oh, yes. It’s a comedy.”

Customer: “Do you think it’s funny?”

Me: “I haven’t actually seen it yet, sir, so I can’t answer that.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, who can?”

Me: “I’m afraid I’m on my own tonight, so there’s no one else to ask. I could get one of my colleagues to call you tomorrow, if you like.”

Customer: “Never mind. Is there swearing?”

Me: “There is a profanity warning, yes.”

Customer: “What kind of swearing? The ‘s’ word? The ‘f’ word?”

Me: “I’m sorry; since I haven’t seen it, I don’t know for sure.”

Customer: “Fine.” *hangs up*

(I didn’t think any more about that call until a few days later. I came in for my shift and found a letter hanging from our bulletin board. It was a furious rant from that customer, saying how incompetent I was, how little help I’d been, and how he would never come to any of our shows if that was the kind of idiot they’d hire for their box office. The only upside was that he hadn’t gotten my name, and he didn’t specify the date on which he’d called. Good thing, too, because my boss went on a tirade about that letter, vowing to fire the person responsible. I quit shortly after that.)

There… Are… Four… Files!

, , , , , , | Working | January 25, 2018

(My boss has access to update a documents database, and I don’t. I’ve noticed that there are some invalid documents in the database, so I’ve gone to her to remove them. This system doesn’t have an “undo” feature. Once something is deleted, it’s gone forever.)

Me: “[Boss], can you please delete these three documents?” *points*

Boss: “These four?”

Me: “No, just these three. Don’t delete that fourth one; it’s valid, and we want to keep it.”

Boss: “These four?” *goes to delete them*

Me: “No, just the three that I pointed to.”

Boss: *deletes four documents*

Me: “That was a valid one you just deleted.”

Boss: “Well, you have a backup, right?”

Me: “No.”

Boss: “Well, why not? You should always have a backup! This is your fault!”

They Weren’t Quick On The Draw

, , , , , , | Working | January 15, 2018

(My husband and I work for the same company. Our daughter is in daycare. Our daycare has a strict rule about parents picking up their children no later than 5:45, which is perfectly reasonable. When our company holds its annual Golf Day, it is traditional for the day to end with a drawing for several nice prizes. On this particular day, the drawing has been delayed, and it is starting to get late.)

Me: “We’re going to have to leave soon; otherwise, we’ll be late picking up [Daughter].”

Husband: “I know. I hate to miss the drawing, though. The top prize is a mountain bike, and I’d love to win it. My bike is falling apart, and we can’t afford to replace it.”

Me: “Well, let’s give them five more minutes.”

(Five minutes come and go. No drawing yet.)

Me: *to the event organizer* “We have to get going. If we win a prize, could someone else accept it for us?”

Organizer: “Nope. You have to be here to accept it. We want to discourage people from sneaking off early.”

Me: “We’re not sneaking off early, though. We have to pick up our daughter from daycare.”

Organizer: *shrugs* “Too bad. That’s the rule.”

Husband: “Oh, well. We probably wouldn’t have won anything, anyway.”

(The next day, we found out that my husband’s name WAS called for the mountain bike, but because he wasn’t there, it was given to someone else. The worst part? The person who won it didn’t like us, and he gleefully rubbed it in our faces that we’d missed out.)

They Get Sex, You Get Fish

, , , | Healthy | January 10, 2018

(My husband and I had decided to go on a trip to the Dominican Republic with another couple. This couple is about 10 years younger than we are and more attractive. When we go to get our vaccinations before the trip, this happens.)

Nurse: *to the other couple* “Now, you two weren’t planning on getting up to anything naughty with the locals, were you?”

Male Friend: *grinning* “Like what?”

Nurse: *wags finger coyly* “You know what I mean. No sexual activity, okay? You could catch something that these shots won’t prevent.”

Female Friend: “Don’t worry, we won’t.”

Nurse: “Good to know. Have fun. Next!”

Me & My Husband: “That would be us.”

Nurse: *suddenly very business-like* “I have a warning for you two, as well.”

Me: “Don’t have sex with the locals?”

Nurse: “What? No, I was going to warn you not to eat the fish. It might make you sick.”

(As we walked away, my husband said “I feel vaguely insulted and I’m not sure why.”)

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