You’re Not Being The Neighbor Mister Rogers Wants You To Be

, , , , , | Right | September 21, 2020

When I am twenty-one or so, I am still living with my parents. Then, I find an apartment. My boyfriend and his friends agree to move some of my stuff from my parents’ house over to my new place, including my computer and a small TV. They do so during the day while my parents are at work. My parents are fully aware of this; in fact, they loan my boyfriend a house key.

When my folks get home, their neighbour comes over, extremely excited.

Neighbour: “You were robbed today!”

Mum: “What?!”

Neighbour: “I saw the whole thing! Several young men broke into your place and took a bunch of valuables, including a computer and a TV! I saw them carry everything out to their cars and drive away.”

Mum: *Catching on* “Oh, my. That’s bad. Did you call the police?”

Neighbour: “Um, no.”

Mum: “Did you get their license plates?”

Neighbour: “No.”

Mum: “How about their cars? Did you notice what kind they drive?”

Neighbour: “No.”

Mum: “Do you think you could describe the men?”

Neighbour: “They were young… That’s all I remember.”

Mum: *Laughing* “I’m sorry, I can’t keep doing this. It’s okay. Those guys were [My Name]’s boyfriend and friends, and they’re just helping her move some of her things to her new apartment.”

Neighbour: “You were just messing with me? That’s not nice!”

Mum:You’re the one who watched our house apparently being robbed and didn’t do anything about it!”

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Thumbs Up, Sister!

, , , , , , , | Related | September 18, 2020

When my husband and I have our first daughter, she occasionally likes to suck on a soother.  

Mother-In-Law: “I don’t like those things.”

Me: “I’m not a huge fan myself, but they comfort [Daughter].”

Mother-In-Law: “None of my kids ever had those.”

That’s when one of her daughters pipes up.

Sister-In-Law: “That’s absolutely true, [My Name].”

My mother-in-law looks smug.

Sister-In-Law: “Of course, I did suck my thumb until I was seven.”

My mother-in-law scowled and changed the subject.

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As A Matter Of Fact…

, , , , | Right | September 14, 2020

I work for a rather large group of dealerships. We answer the phones for fourteen dealerships and collision centers, plus our head office. I get a call on the head office line. It is important to note that each of our dealerships has service and parts departments that deal with specific types of cars.

Me: “Good afternoon, [head office]; [My Name] speaking.”

In the background, I hear a male voice say, “Parts,” followed by a closer, female voice.

Customer: “Um… parts… please?”

Me: “For which dealership?”

The caller asks someone on the other side, “Which dealership?”

Customer: “Um… It doesn’t… matter?”

At this point, my head is hitting my desk.

Me: “What kind of car do you have?”

Customer: “Ummm… Saturn?”

I screamed internally while I transferred them to the right dealership.

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Unfiltered Story #208016

, , , | Unfiltered | September 13, 2020

(I’m the bad customer in this story, although I honestly didn’t mean to be. My fiancé and I were planning our wedding. We wanted to have an afternoon reception with wine and hors d’oeuvres, so we called a local hotel that had a good reputation for that sort of thing.)

Hotel Employee: If you like, you can come sample some of our food and see what appeals to you.
Me: That sounds wonderful!
Hotel Employee: Good! (*arranges a date and time*) Oh, one more thing – how many people are in your wedding party?
Me: (thinking “I have no idea why you’re asking me that”) There will be me, my fiancé, my matron of honour, and the best man.
Hotel Employee: Great! See you on (date)!

(When the date came, my fiancé and I arrived at the hotel and were seated in the restaurant.)

Hotel Employee: Here you are! (proceeds to bring out one huge plate after another of delicious food)
Me (to my fiancé): Wow! I just thought we’d have a small taste of everything – there’s tons here!
Him: I know! We’re not going to need dinner after this.
Hotel Employee: How is everything?
Us: Fabulous!
Hotel Employee: I’m so glad! And will your matron of honour and best man be arriving soon?
Me: Um … no. I’m sorry – I didn’t realize that you expected them as well.
Hotel Employee: Oh! Well – most couples bring their entire wedding party with them for food tasting.
Me: They do? (Thinking “Why? We’re paying for it, not them.”)
Hotel Employee: Not to worry. Guess you get to eat their share, too!
Us: That won’t be a problem!

(Put it down to ignorance, and not because we were trying to score a free dinner. That hotel got our business, partly because of the quality of the food, and partly because the employee was so nice. Our reception was amazing.)

Frozen In Serve Mode

, , , , , | Working | August 21, 2020

My husband and I are visiting a local ice cream shop. Because I’m trying to watch my weight, I’ve decided to get frozen low-fat yogurt, instead. This shop’s way of doing frozen yogurt is to take a wrapped square of yogurt from the freezer, unwrap it, toss it into a machine, add some flavouring, and mix it all up.

On this particular day, the shop is REALLY busy. I start to eat.

Me: “Ugh. What the heck?”

I reach into my mouth and pull out a piece of paper.

Me: “That’s weird.”

Husband: “What is that? Is that the wrapping from the yogurt?”

Me: *Investigates cup* “I think so. Look, there’s another piece.”

Husband: “Looks like someone screwed up and tossed the entire thing into the machine without unwrapping it first.”

Me: “I think you’re right.”

I get back in line. The employee I talk to is looking very stressed.

Employee: “Can I help you?”

Me: “Yes. I think someone forgot to unwrap the yogurt before making this, because it’s full of paper, and—”

Employee: “Here.” *Hands me refund* “Next, please!”

Me: “But… I wasn’t asking for a refund. I’d like it to be remade—”

Employee: *Not listening* “NEXT, PLEASE!”

Me: “You’ve probably still got paper in your machine! The next person will get some, too—”

Employee: *Gesturing at the next customer* “I can help you over here, sir.”

Me: *Pause* “I still wanted frozen yogurt!”

I ended up sharing my husband’s.

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